When the Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter [Hardcover]

Judith R., Ph.D. Bernstein (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1997

Explaining that parents can never get over the loss of a child, a psychologist and bereaved parent offers strategies by which parents can accept and integrate the effects of trauma into their lives. 15,000 first printing.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

This is a "how-to" book one hopes to the Almighty one will never need. When the Bough Breaks takes a serious and sensitive look at how to cope with the loss of a child. Can one ever recover from such a loss? The author seems convinced we do not, but offers ways to rebuild our lives and recover our hope and our ability to go on with our lives and not have the death of a child turn into the death of our own hearts.

From Booklist

Bernstein argues that parents don't recover from the death of a child so much as they adapt to it, forever altering the way they think and act--often with negative consequences. To provide some understanding of this complex situation, she interviewed 55 parents whose children had died. This research, plus her own experiences (Bernstein's son died when he was 25), allows her to examine the various stages of grief, the mourning process, the effects on family and social relationships, and the emotional differences between facing a sudden death (such as a murder) and an anticipated death (such as a terminal illness). She also probes the different ways men and women tend to mourn. This can cause problems, especially when a husband's comparative reticence makes a wife believe that he's relatively unaffected by the death of their child. Compassionate and revealing, it should aid both mental-health professionals and parents dealing with this kind of devastating loss. Brian McCombie

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 230 pages
• Publisher: Andrews Mcmeel Pub (April 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0836225767
• ISBN-13: 978-0836225761
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.1 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #540,342 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The best by far, October 8, 2000

By 

Mary R. Becker (Westerly, RI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: When The Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter (Paperback)

This book is, by far and away, the best for bereaved parents. I first read it after my son, Josh, was killed on September 17, 1999, and have reread it dozens of times since that awful day. The ache still crushed my heart daily, but I have every hope that it will ease. How wonderful it was to read that I will not "get over this" but will incorporate this into the rest of my life. Bereaved parents NEED ro know that they will survive, and somehow start to live again.

34 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It's all too true!, April 21, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: When The Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter (Paperback)

Having helped run a Compassionate Friends chapter for ten years, reading the reviewers' comments reminded me of how uncannily predictable grief over a child's death is--the reactions of other people, particularly, who really don't know what to say (mainly because there is very little that can be said). Bernstein's book is a powerful message that you DO NOT recover, ever, you just adapt to a new life. It is a book every bereaved parent should read. Unfortunately, it is often a long time before reading--or anything else--can help, which is a good reason for a friend to buy a copy and give it. Thank you, Judith, for a lifeline in drowning sea.

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It tells me how deep the loss is and most don't understand., June 13, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: When The Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter (Paperback)

We lost our son to a brain tumor and it has been so difficult . The pain has been much more intense than I ever inagined and the hurtful things that people say. We have been told to get over this and move on. Things will get better " You have to accept this it is Gods will".Things like this came from members of our church.

When The Bough Breaks tells it like it really is the loss is foreever after your chils is gone. It seems when you have lost a child your friends, church members begin to fade away. For 2 months after the funeral no one called, came from my church a place where I spent the majority of my life working, teaching, worshipping, praying, etc and it appears that no one cares. It is though you have a contagious disease.

People need education on what to say and how to support people who are hurting. This book makes those of us who have had loss understand that we are not alone in our grief.