Customer Reviews

When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Vol. II, for Managers and Executives

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I read "When I say no, I feel guilty" (Vol 1) and it changed my life. I found Smith's second Assertiveness book, "Yes, I can so no" and I loved that too. But that book is out of print and hard to find. Most of the information from "Yes, I can say no", however, may be found in Vol II. That is why NON-executives, who want to be assertive, SHOULD NOT BE PUT OFF FROM BUYING THIS BOOK.

Information not inc. in "When I say no, I feel guilty" (Vol 1), but inc. in THIS vol. (and "Yes, I can say no"):

*The structure of manipulation

*Smith's method for finding out WHAT REALLY UPSETS YOU ABOUT AN ISSUE.

*A better talk about your assertive rights and why it is in your interest to be assertive.

Since MUCH of the information in this book was reproduced in "Yes, I can say no", if you have the rare out of print book, the ONLY new information would be what Smith has to say about the world of work.

Thus, some might not find this book useful.

For my money, I am glad that I have all three of his books.

I read the original "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" years ago in an "encounter group" college class in group dynamics and it was easily one of the most useful books I've read in my life. This book is a worthy alternative to the original. It isn't really a sequel, despite the Volume II tag. Dr. Smith has essentially published his UCLA assertiveness training seminar activities (all of which revolve around the same techniques he taught im the first book). If you haven't read the first book, don't worry - Dr. Smith will get you up to speed very quickly.

I consider this an alternative to the original book because its core strategies are nearly the same. The focus, however, is different. This time around, Dr. Smith provides ample examples for how to apply assertiveness training techniques to business settings. It's also a more contemporary book and Dr. Smith's examples are often good-humored and amusing, which encourages you to keep reading.

I really like the way Dr. Smith helps the reader to learn to listen better to others, to build upon what they are saying in conversation, to build upon free information to develop a more mutually satisfying exchange, and how to simply and politely avoid caving into manipulative techniques. These are all skills most of us can improve, and rather than devolve into a touchy-feely approach, Dr. Smith gives us techniques and strategies firmly rooted in applied behavior modification.

Unlike other books, Dr. Smith does not imply that he will turn you into a super-assertive Terminator who always gets his own way. In fact, he encourages you to carefully explore your own motivations and avoid coming on like gangbuster unless the situation absolutely calls for it. Nor is this book intended to be entirely self-contained. You should really get out there and explore some of the foundations of behavior modification and communication to continue learning.

There's only one caveat - and I don't feel guilty for mentioning it. This book could have used another round of proofreading. If you are a proofer or editor yourself, you'll notice typos and other oddities that really ought to have been corrected. It doesn't detract from the informational value of the book at all, and so I didn't dock any stars for it.

Dr. Manuel J. Smith takes the assertive principles laid down in his national best-seller WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY and applies them to the work and business world. He shows conflicts from the viewpoint of both the employer and employee, from worker to manager alike. It's not about bullying people to get our own way but rather about making your needs known and working through the problems that are bound to come up in any shop or office.

I particularly like his definition of "manipulation:" it is when people try to reduce our ability to be our own judge, especially by trying to make us feel guilty, anxious or ignorant. He then gives some verbal techniques to help us handle ourselves while making our needs known.

The value of this book goes far beyond the office or factory. I read a lot of inspirational and self-help books, and this is one that I read over a lot of times to reinforce the principles. Contrary to a popular misunderstanding of assertiveness, it does not have to make us meaner or more aggressive -- at times it can even make us nicer, since we don't have to resort to aggression and meanness to get what we want.

Even if you haven't read WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY, you will still finish this book knowing exactly what Dr. Smith is talking about. As mentioned in another review on this page, a lot of the material in this book is covered in his (unfortunately) out of print book YES, I CAN SAY NO which aims at teaching assertive principles to children. So if you have that one, some of what is in this one would be a bit (but not completely) repititious. However, this book is a valuable resource for how to act on the job, and I can't recommend it highly enough for us "grown kids."

This is a sequel to "When I Say No I Feel Guilty." Both books are excellent.
I would recommend reading them with Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication" Each of these books focuses on a different aspect of assertive communication.

This is the most organized, reasonable and best of all the books I have seen. Smith is still great!

Unfortunately, not very practical. While the "broken record" technique will work in many situations, when you use the assertiveness techniques advised in the book you are supposed to completely ignore the consequences of your own behaviour.