Customer Reviews

When God's People Let You Down: How to Rise Above Hurts That Often Occur Within the Church

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Jeff Vanvonderan does it again. His wisdom, written with a "probe like" dialogue into your heart, helps the reader better understand his or her hurt, and therefore overcome it. Even for readers who have not found themselves hurt by ignorant, but certainly well meaning, people, this book is strongly recommended. It will prepare you with the tools to handle the hurts that come your way. (This book actually lifted me out of a critical, very clinically advanced depression.)

I just recently read this book. It is a definite re-read for me.

I've had some negative experiences and sharp disappointments when dealing with some Christians or "churchfolk". I've seen actions that didn't meet the most basic laws of common courtesy and respect, let alone the higher standards that the Bible lays out for us to follow with each other. I've seen a lot of hypocrisy, dysfunction and unhealthy dynamics in the "church". All this left me with a very sour view on church and on other Christians. I had a mistrust for leadership and just wondered if folks were really trying to follow the Bible or was it all just a big show.

This book has helped me to reconcile a lot of those issues. Here were the major points for me:

- It is okay to expect the body of Christ to act like the body of Christ is supposed to act. It is okay to expect a higher standard of morality in the church than what is seen in the world. If the Bible says, don't lie, then it's okay to expect Christians to be honest. I had begun to wonder what, if anything, I could expect from other Christians.

-This book gives examples of unhealthy dynamics in relationships and families. This helped me realize fully what I'd had a sneaking suspicion of: some of the groups that I was in were dysfunctional. I was bound to get hurt in those situations.

-In addition to discussing the hurts that one can experience at the hands of leadership or other Christians, the book very gently probes into what your role was in the situation and what your responsibility is in terms of being healed from it. However, it does NOT get into any blaming the victim. This section helped me to see that while, yes, I had been hurt by some leaders and groups, it was I who put these leaders on such a high pedestal in the first place. Sure, they led - but I followed. I chose to be in groups that were unhealthy and closed my eyes to a LOT of warning signs that would've been obvious to casual observers. Now, I know that I can make better choices in terms of relationships, and that it's not just about "finding the right group".

-This book strongly emphasizes that our focus should be on Jesus and not other people.

-This book discusses legalism and the negative effects of that and how to overcome it. It is theologically sound and give a good explanation of the Gospel and how that relates to legalism.

-It gives principles on how to establish healthy relationships. It talks about the accountability of leadership.

I could go on and on. It is outstanding book and blessed me tremendously. It's helped me to have a more balanced and positive view of the church and to get over a lot of the hurts that were hindering me. I thank God that I read this book. I highly recommend it.

To be honest, the book has all the answers to all my questions on God, myself and church folks esp. the bad leaders out there. It strikes my heart deeply and frees me out into the air again. We have gone through depression from slight (myself) to serious (my wife) during these bad times.

The book leads me out of the clouds of how I shall see my church pastor, leaders, staff, brothers and sisters and also myself in correct ways. Even though we feel getting hurt a lot, it tells me that we DID have responsibilities on Not wearing the suitable armours around ourselves.

Lastly, it tells me how to recover step by step, which is very important to me when I step into another church. I cried and was touched by the bible quotes in the book many times. God uses the book to heal me and I feel the love from God through the book.

I have to praise the author for his wonderful and ground

breaking books. This particular book is not one of my

favorites, but it is worth reading. I personally think it

would be more helpful to include the possibility for some

Christians to simply stop attending an institutional church

at all for a season. The idea that we "have" to be "in

fellowship" and it "has" to mean an institutional church

can be very restrictive. Some wounded Christians are

helped by finding a different church, but some heal better

by staying out of institutional settings for a season, or

for good. There is also a home church movement which helps

some people. The point is to be led by the Holy Spirit

in your choice. For some people, withdrawing from Christian

fellowship for a time until healing can occur and until

a healthier model can be formed, is the best solution. Far

too many wounded Christians hop from one abusive church into

another one. For this reason, I do not agree with the

advice that healing needs to be accomplished by trusting a

church or pastor again...just my opinion.

I do recommend reading all the books by this author.

What a refreshing, enlightening book! Wonderful practical counsel from a man after God's own heart. Share it with friends! Many in the churches today need to read this book.