Customer Reviews

When Good Kids Make Bad Choices: Help and Hope for Hurting Parents

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I've read dozens of parenting books, and have preached dozens of sermons about parenting, but when I saw the title of this new book I grabbed it! I immediately flipped to the table of contents and began to skim through the chapter titles and my heart began to soar! I felt like someone was addressing the very things that no one in the Christian community has wanted to address.

As a pastor and father of five I am regularly faced with the heartache of seeing kids who were taught and trained to do right, go off and choose to do wrong. And the Christian community has been largely silent... or worse yet critical and unencouraging to parents who are dealing with a child like this. Too often the parents are made to feel like 'If you had really done it right, and followed God's instructions on how to raise children you wouldn't be facing this now.' Many times the only answer given is "You failed." It might not be spoken, but it's felt and conveyed by the silence... and the glances... and sadly even the gossip between other families observing what's taking place.

Finally here is grace and truth (just like Jesus embodied in John 1:17)in an effort to answer the question, "What about the parent or parents who've tried to do all that God's Word tells them to do, and yet the child makes a choice to reject godly wisdom... to reject biblical truth... and to follow hard after the world?" What is that parent supposed to do? What should they think? How should they feel? Have they failed? Do they get an "F" on their parenting report card?

This book answers the cry of those parents... and it's long overdue. Every pastor should read this book to know better how to encourage the parents in his church that are facing a child like this - and they're out there! Usually they try to just stay low - and fly under the radar, because they're not sure how the church is going to repond when they find out they have a child that has rejected Christianity and is living in a 'far land.'

I read 100 pages of this book the first day I picked it up, and immediately I ordered 25 copies. I then wrote a personal letter of encouragement, sharing about some of our own struggles and sent it as a gift to every family in my church that I knew was struggling with a child like this.

You would not believe the response! People thanked me profusely and have devoured the book. The response has been overwhelming. With tears in their eyes parents have thanked me for passing this on to them. The authors of this book have touched on a topic where parents have desperately been needing encouragement ... and they write with humility and tears as one struggler to another. Yet, they don't just moan about it; they offer real hope and practical steps to start living and thinking differently.

This is going to be a valuable tool in encouraging hurting parents. I thank God that the authors were humble enough and courageous enough to come out and say what so many of us are feeling... and thinking... and experiencing. And to say it while there's still no 'happy ending' to their own stories. Too often the Christian community refuses to tell their story unless it has a 'happy ending' all tied up with a bow. This one doesn't do that, and so it offers great hope to parents who are in the very midst of the trial. So many times in the book they would say, "You're not alone!" or "You're not the only one" and it was exactly what one needs to hear. Satan tries to isolate us and make us think we're the only ones having something like this happen to us.

Get this book! Read this book. And give it away to others.

My wife and I read this book aloud together and have received comfort and conviction in equal measures. We are especially thankful for how the authors Jim Newheiser and Elyse Fitzpatrick found the delicate balance between trusting God for our children's souls without neglecting essential parental responsibility.

There are two chapters in this book written by Dr. Laura Hendrickson that address the particular challenges associated with raising "special needs" children. Dr. Hendrickson has exceptional insights since she is a medical psychiatrist, a biblical counselor, and a mother of an autistic teenager. She masterfully addresses the delicate subject of discerning the difference between a child's weakness and responsibility for his or her sinful behavior. She offers invaluable practical and compassionate help for parents and families wrestling with "special difficulties."

It is our desire that every parent in our local church read this landmark work before their children enter adolescence because the counsel contained in this book not only offers comfort to those who are hurting in the wake of problems with wayward children, it also offers clear and concise counsel on how to spot and deal with problems before they reach the level of crisis. Thank you for a long overdue resource.
God obviously superintended over the writing of this volume; it is our prayer that He will be pleased to put the book in many hands of many as He faithfully transforms His people into the image of His Son.

I want to echo the comments of the first reviewer below, Brad Bigney. This is a wonderful resource to help parents who are daily doing battle with their rebellious teens. It helps them to find the hope they left behind months or sometimes years ago. The authors remind us, on the authority of Scripture, that God is absolutely in control of our teenagers even if we are not. He is also working out His purposes in their lives -- and ours -- not just in spite of their rebellion, but through it. God is so great that even when sinful humans rebel again Him it redounds to His glory.

Thanks to some godly counsellors in my own life, and to books like this, I am reminded to keep the proper perspective on the spiritual battle that rages in our home. I am also challenged to keep a close check on my own responses to the situation, not meeting my daughter's sin with sin of my own. I am exhorted to grow and change toward Christ-likeness even if my daughter's heart never changes and her rebellion never relents. Probably the single most profound statement I read in this book, and one that I desperately needed was: "God doesn't call us to be successful parents. He calls us to be faithful parents." I'm just responsible to be obedient in my parenting. God is responsible for the results.

Brad Bigney noted in his review that he mailed out 25 copies of this book to hurting families in his church. Mine was one of them. Brad is my pastor. I'm very grateful for his genuine concern and encouragement, and for his insightful choice of this powerful little volume. If you're caught in the grips of teen rebellion, I can't think of a better book to remind you of your biblical anchor.

I am a church counselor and have found this to be an excellent book for parents with wayward children. Paired with Shepherding a Child's Heart by the author's brother, you have the two best books on child-rearing.

I bought this book on the reviews that I read. I am a parent with a wayward teenager. I started reading this book and immediately became discouraged and frustrated. I felt the author lacked humility. He minimized my feelings and put it toward my lack of commitment and relationship with God. And he gave the typical pat Christian answers. First of all, feelings are important. I now can relate to the passage in Genesis 6:6, "The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that he made man on the earth and His heart was filled with pain." God too feels pain and emotions, after all, He created them. The Christian community continuely downplays emotions. It is okay that I have experienced intense pain from seeing my teen make bad choices. I am not going to stuff or minimize my feelings. I love my child. Also, I did play a role in her coming to make these bad choices. So I am not going to put the entire blame on her. This situation needs God's grace, love, and healing and not condemnation and pat answers.

Before I read this book, I devoured 'When Your Teen Is Struggling: Real Hope and Practical Help for Parents Today' by Mark Gregston. He spoke to my heart, he had humility, and he brought me hope. If you need help, read Mark Gregston's book. This book 'When Good Kids Make Bad Choices: Help and Hope for Hurting Parents' did not bring me hope or help in my pain. I would not recommend it.

Fitzpatrick has a knack for getting to the heart of the issue. The reader can count on her to be biblically centered in her writings.