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This insightful book offers a user-friendly look at how a "good man"-"a man with fundamentally positive values who cares about his kids and his partner"-can often display bad behavior, including everything from sarcasm or criticism to nastiness, coldness and other kinds of destructive emotional withdrawal. Wexler, executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego, roots his analysis in the self-psychology theory of the "mirroring self-object," the idea that all children in their development need "validation and acknowledgement from parental figures" who mirror back to them a sense of competence and appreciation. The bulk of the book wonderfully describes the ways that many men, as adults, "are always looking to some outside source of approval or recognition" as a way to resolve feelings of shame caused by an arrested internal sense of confidence and competence. The book's success also hinges on two further analytical strategies by Wexler. First, while he gives a convincing look at how a man's "reliance on women for validation" can lead to feeling emotionally out of control, Wexler never descends to placing any sort of sexist blame on moms or wives; he makes it clear that the power that women seem to have over men "is not a power that women have signed up for in the relationship contract" and that female children are equally harmed by the lack of a mirroring self-object. Second, Wexler provides numerous concrete examples of how men can identify and understand the emotional states that trigger relationship problems, as well as many ways that fathers can help establish a son's home life as "a shame-free zone."
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"David Wexler adroitly addresses a central problem in male-female relationships, namely the male propensity for emotional withdrawal, sarcasm, humiliation, intimidation, emotional blow-ups, and infidelity. Wonderfully empathic with men's experiences, When Good Men Behave Badly helps men who do not wish to behave badly develop the needed emotional skills. This book will open men’s minds and hearts to a very different way to approach male-female relationships.”
—Ronald F. Levant, Ed.D., ABPP, Co-Editor of A New Psychology of Men
Great book. It gave me a lot to think about. It helped me understand errors in my ways and realize that I can change.Published 6 days ago by Amazon Customer
If you're a man trying to wrap your head around why you do stupid things that hurt "the one you love" or a woman trying to understand and find answers to your mans actions,... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Ron M.
This is a good read. A bit funny as I was told by the person in which I purchased it for. When I hear more about it, I will update this review.Published 1 month ago by monique eckles
Lot's of good stuff in here, a little difficult to read but still valuable info. Mostly written for men who are married or who have kids but single guys can still get value out of... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Mr. Jeremiah Boehner
WOW! Powerful read! Thanks for fast perfect ship and great price.Published 10 months ago by Rachel W. Cronin
I was under the impression this was a Christian book & was shocked to find it full of cuss words. However... Read morePublished 15 months ago by BnCMama
Someone really needed this to see where they were and why he was acting out. Men, to hard to figure out thank goodness for books on such a complicated human as man and why they do... Read morePublished 16 months ago by Deborah S. Mashore
Helpful to understand the why behind the what of my behaviour. Puts words to some of the emotional reactions in relationships.Published 19 months ago by Fred