When the Labels Don't Fit: A New Approach to Raising a Challenging Child [Paperback]

barbara probst (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 26, 2008

“One of the finest and most helpful books we have ever read . . . should be the first stop for any parent trying to help a struggling child.”
—Brock Eide and Fernette Eide, authors of The Mislabeled Child

Finally, a positive approach designed around your child’s traits and needs

Many children do things that seem odd, troubling, or excessive at some point in their development, and our culture is quick to attach a label to every child who’s “outside the box” or hard to raise. Again and again, studies document the explosion in the number of children receiving psychiatric diagnoses for being intense, moody, or offbeat.

In this groundbreaking book, childhood development expert Barbara Probst provides a new framework for identifying the specific traits—like rigidity, curiosity, perfectionism, intensity, slow tempo, a need for novelty, or a need for control—that lie at the root of your child’s challenging behavior.

When the Labels Don’t Fit features a questionnaire for profiling your child’s temperament and more than sixty strategies for dealing with specific kinds of behavior. It’s the first comprehensive system that’s not based on figuring out what’s “wrong” with your child, but on helping you tap into your child’s strengths so you can manage, nurture, and enjoy his or her essential nature.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Probst, a clinical social worker and educator, argues that our society has become too quick to diagnose and label children who think or act outside the box as having a psychiatric disorder or disease. Although there are times when a diagnosis and medication are called for, Probst believes that the diagnosis explosion is over the top (adding up the medical statistics, she concludes that 44 percent of all American children are pathologically depressed, anxious, defiant or hyperactive). Probst presents fresh tactics for dealing with difficult children, using temperament as a basis for understanding and intervention. Guiding parents through a temperament questionnaire, she maps 11 core traits, including energy source, attention and sensory sensitivity. She then offers practical strategies and tools parents can use when a child's social or physical environment clashes with his temperament (for instance, a simple timer can help a child who has problems with transitions; discussing a backup plan may help a child who has trouble adapting to unexpected situations.) The author encourages parents to reframe their own thinking and focus on their child's strengths (i.e., a label such as antisocial can be seen as self-sufficient, or hyper as lively). Readers seeking innovative ways to handle a challenging child will be drawn to Probst's bright and benevolent approach. (Aug.)
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Review

"When the Labels Don't Fit marks the turning of the tide away from calling every difference a disorder. This guide will show you step by step how to stop the madness of labels gone bad. This is an incredible resource, and many families will be healed by it."
—Dr. Lara Honos-Webb author of The Gift of ADHD

"One of the finest and most helpful books we have ever read about helping a child whose behavior is causing concern or conflict. In this wise, humane, and deeply practical book, Barbara Probst leads us beyond the current obsession with labels and syndromes to remind us that the place to begin in helping a struggling child is not by deciding what that child has but discovering who that child is. In clear and concise language she provides an innovative framework for understanding a child's unique temperamental makeup and for distinguishing between individual differences and true disorders, then shares a wealth of practical ways to help children with different makeups and needs. When the Labels Don't Fit should be required reading for everyone who works with children--teachers, psychologists, clinicians--and the first stop for any parent trying to help a struggling child. We cannot possibly recommend it highly enough."
—Brock Eide, M.D., M.A., and Fernette Eide M.D., authors of The Mislabeled Child

“The parents of challenging children will be grateful for Barbara Probst’s vision and rich store of knowledge. This is an exceptional book, packed with important information that helps make sense of children's widely varying temperaments and developmental pathways. In When the Labels Don’t Fit, Probst truly cuts a new pathway for parents.”
—Anita Lightburn, Ed.D., Professor Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service

“In an era when children are too quickly labeled and mislabeled, this refreshing book is about understanding, not labeling; about guiding, not blaming; and about nurturing a child. Probst’s approach is proactive and supportive. By considering and respecting the unique ways of your individual child, she helps you focus on working toward positive outcomes rather than punishment and frustration.”
—Tovah Klein, Ph.D. Director, Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and Developmental Advisor to Sesame Street

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Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press (August 26, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 030739543X
• ISBN-13: 978-0307395436
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #285,839 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book, September 4, 2008

By 

E. A. Johnson (Connecticut) - See all my reviews

This review is from: When the Labels Don't Fit: A New Approach to Raising a Challenging Child (Paperback)

This book is very useful for parents and caretakers of our most challenging kids. They will grow up to be our leaders if guided correctly and appreciated for their strengths.

If you are a parent of a intense and challenging child, as am I, the tone of the book and the examples will draw you right in and make you feel like you're not alone and you can make progress.

The book provides very down-to-earth techniques that will help you achieve a better understanding of the nature of your child and make you appreciate him or her more. The detailed categories of the Temperamental Questionnaire are excellent! It is probably rare for a person without the knowledge and the experience of the author to be able to identify the temperamental areas in such detail. The language will certainly also allow you to clearly articulate your child's challenges to other caretakers in your child's life, as well as teachers and other specialists at school.

I wish I had this book a year ago and encourage those parents or caretakers who are searching for help and have found this link to try this book. It is a great feeling to come to understand your child better, to develop a kinder attitude toward him or her and teach others to do the same.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally Solutions, September 16, 2008

By 

Tracey, MA Social Research (Astoria, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: When the Labels Don't Fit: A New Approach to Raising a Challenging Child (Paperback)

As a parent of a challenging child with a high IQ and a patient of Barbarba Probst, I am grateful for actual solutions, actual strategies I have learned from "When the Labels Don't Fit". For example, the backup plan. I only wish it were available years ago when my child was misdiagnosed as having PDD. With Barbara Probst help, as parents we learned it was us who needed to do most of the work to help guide our child. We focused on specific personality traits, in my son's case, perfectionism and inflexibility. With Barbara's tools and advice my son went from having a few meltdowns a day to maybe one a week.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, February 7, 2009

By 

GL (CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: When the Labels Don't Fit: A New Approach to Raising a Challenging Child (Paperback)

I can't explain how comforted I have been to find this book. Barbara Probst seems to "get" children like my son - a bright, emotionally intense, often hyper, wonderful child who is not responsive to standard age-appropriate parenting, but who is not necessarily in need of a formal diagnosis. I have a young child who in many ways thinks, acts, and challenges like a teenager. Before I came across this book, I entered countless cycles of searching for advice about particular behaviors, looking for something better than my own instincts and strategies (which I felt were exhausted and ineffective) and finding nothing that fit. Everything I found was either too mainstream, leaving me saying, "Okay, sure, of course, and what do I do when THAT doesn't work . . .?" or it left me with a checklist toward a diagnosis that ultimately didn't fit either.

Yet Ms. Probst described the exact type of behaviors I was used to, and better yet, she understood them. She also is clear in helping the reader to understand his/her own temperment and how it is similar or different to the child's. For example, armed with this "aha" I became more in tune to the specific stress in my child's environment, such as how his perfectionism and tempo differ from the family members that spend the most time with him. Ms. Probst's analysis of how behaviors may relate to a mismatch between temperment and environment has made a significant difference in our world.

I have re-read this book more than a few times because I find that reading it again refreshes my perspective and understanding. I continue to be so grateful for finding this resource, and I highly recommend it to other parents.