Customer Reviews

When the Labels Don't Fit: A New Approach to Raising a Challenging Child

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book is very useful for parents and caretakers of our most challenging kids. They will grow up to be our leaders if guided correctly and appreciated for their strengths.

If you are a parent of a intense and challenging child, as am I, the tone of the book and the examples will draw you right in and make you feel like you're not alone and you can make progress.

The book provides very down-to-earth techniques that will help you achieve a better understanding of the nature of your child and make you appreciate him or her more. The detailed categories of the Temperamental Questionnaire are excellent! It is probably rare for a person without the knowledge and the experience of the author to be able to identify the temperamental areas in such detail. The language will certainly also allow you to clearly articulate your child's challenges to other caretakers in your child's life, as well as teachers and other specialists at school.

I wish I had this book a year ago and encourage those parents or caretakers who are searching for help and have found this link to try this book. It is a great feeling to come to understand your child better, to develop a kinder attitude toward him or her and teach others to do the same.

As a parent of a challenging child with a high IQ and a patient of Barbarba Probst, I am grateful for actual solutions, actual strategies I have learned from "When the Labels Don't Fit". For example, the backup plan. I only wish it were available years ago when my child was misdiagnosed as having PDD. With Barbara Probst help, as parents we learned it was us who needed to do most of the work to help guide our child. We focused on specific personality traits, in my son's case, perfectionism and inflexibility. With Barbara's tools and advice my son went from having a few meltdowns a day to maybe one a week.

I can't explain how comforted I have been to find this book. Barbara Probst seems to "get" children like my son - a bright, emotionally intense, often hyper, wonderful child who is not responsive to standard age-appropriate parenting, but who is not necessarily in need of a formal diagnosis. I have a young child who in many ways thinks, acts, and challenges like a teenager. Before I came across this book, I entered countless cycles of searching for advice about particular behaviors, looking for something better than my own instincts and strategies (which I felt were exhausted and ineffective) and finding nothing that fit. Everything I found was either too mainstream, leaving me saying, "Okay, sure, of course, and what do I do when THAT doesn't work . . .?" or it left me with a checklist toward a diagnosis that ultimately didn't fit either.

Yet Ms. Probst described the exact type of behaviors I was used to, and better yet, she understood them. She also is clear in helping the reader to understand his/her own temperment and how it is similar or different to the child's. For example, armed with this "aha" I became more in tune to the specific stress in my child's environment, such as how his perfectionism and tempo differ from the family members that spend the most time with him. Ms. Probst's analysis of how behaviors may relate to a mismatch between temperment and environment has made a significant difference in our world.

I have re-read this book more than a few times because I find that reading it again refreshes my perspective and understanding. I continue to be so grateful for finding this resource, and I highly recommend it to other parents.

I was very excited to read Barbara Probst's book and to see the focus on our children's characteristics, rather than a slew of diagnostic conditions--the "alphabet" kids. After reading endless parenting books which set out discipline techniques which only work for a short time, this book instead helps parents look at their children as people and try to understand their specific needs and temperments. I often catch myself engaging in a dispute with my challenging son, and using Barbara's techniques I am able to take a step back and realize that he has a strong need that is interfering with what I view as a simple request. Once I change my mindset, I can often avoid a huge blowup and have him ultimately cooperative, even if it takes a few extra minutes or a little extra effort. This book can bring big changes and improvements in the lives of families with challenging children.

This is such a terrific compassionate guide for parents! As a parent of two sons, I am so glad I found this book. It puts some of my younger son's behavior in a totally new perspective.

When the Labels Don't Fit bucks the current trend to find a label for the child and then to deal with the child's behavior from within that label's framework.

As parents soon discover, a label does not really solve the problem. And here is where the author's insight is so instructive. She guides parents to find their own courage and ability to relate to their child as a whole person and not just as a child with a disorder. By working through the temperament questionnaire in the book, parents discover their child's essential nature, - and his "eleven core features." As one progresses through the book, parents' self- awareness and awareness of the child is transformed. He is no longer a "difficult child, " a labeled child, but a child that needs relating to, just like any other child.

Ms. Probst provides ample and useful examples of different types of behaviors, the problems they illustrate, and the solution. She discusses common issues such as electronic addiction, dealing with stress and frustration, task-solving, meeting everyday needs, special schools, and therapy options, to name a few. She teaches parents how to let go of the "disorder" diagnosis, and, by becoming more aware of one's self and one's child's nature, experience respect and appreciation for their child.

I hope lots of parents find this book and read it, it is such a great help!

I felt such a connection to the content in this book that I went on Barbara Probst's website to attend one of her workshops. I brought my husband with me and he too felt an instant connection to the material. I base my prospective first as the parent of a challenging child, and second as a student counselor. I am telling everyone who will listen to me about this book. Thank you Barara Probst for putting these children first and for getting the word out that medication should be the path of last resort!

As an educator who works primarily with affective issues related to giftedness, I found that When The Labels Don't Fit offers a fresh insight along with a cache of inspiration. One of the most profound comments from Barbara Probst, the author, was "We need to focus less on what a child HAS and more on who a child IS." Viewing gifted children through this lens allows us to, first, understand a child as an individual based on his/her temperament. I appreciate the departure from rushing to view a child from a pathological viewpoint, before first trying to understand who the child is and what his/her actions are telling us about his/her essential nature. Probst's book will empower parents and educators to use what they know about children in order to better understand their nature, which in turn will help us to become parents and educators that focus first on strengths and individuality and not on labels.
Terry Bradley, M.A. Gifted Education Specialist, Boulder, CO

This book gives a parent more context for what they are being told (or have noticed themselves) about their child, especially if that child is having difficulties. The setting and pressures may have everything to do with the way the child responds in a given situation.

With this book, parents evaluate the child and themselves (the better to understand sources of conflict and hidden expectations).

I thought the most valuable chapters were Chapter 8 - the BIG FIVE areas of conflict and how to manage them; Chapter 9 - teaching parents how to help, when to step in, and when to stand back; and Chapter 12 - keeping a strangths perspective as a parent..

Parents are encouraged to think about what their child does well, to value what makes your child different, and to hold off from diagnosing children with psychological disorders.

One great piece of advice from this book: If it feels like you're going around and around in circles with your child, you are the PARENT! Jump off the treadmill.

*** I wanted to give this FOUR stars, but made a mistake and now amazon will not let me change it. FOUR stars.

but perhaps the interventions don't. This book is for all parents - labels or no labels. We can improve all of our relationships by viewing the other person (whether child, spouse, parent, etc.) through a new lens. Here's the book that will help you do that.

Barbara Probst is onto something very valuable for parents, their children and child behaviorists. When The Labels Don't Fit, is a smart and practical guide to understanding our "unique" children before we jump to apply any "diagnostic label", that in our culture, so often leads to medicating our children. She offers practical worksheets and guidelines to help every parent get on track with their kids in a very sensitive and loving way. I found it such a powerful read that I had to have her on the show!

Jane Gabbert
creator/host[....]