Customer Reviews

When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book definitely saved my sanity and quite possibly saved my life. I bought it several years ago when I didn't know what was wrong with my relationship, but I knew something was - and I couldn't seem to fix it. "When Love Goes Wrong" named the problem correctly : domestic abuse. Not only that, this book helped me see that what was happening to me was NOT my fault! This book is extremely thorough, offering tips and suggestions on what to do if you find yourself in this situation, plus memoirs from other women that help you feel like you're not alone. It's an extremely easy-to-read and engaging book, and offers stories and sources of support for women from all races and economic backgrounds, plus a resource for lesbians who find themselves in abusive relationships. One thing I like is that the tone is nonjudgemental - it even offers tips if you decide to stay with your partner! The book is definitely feminist in tone. I personally find that a good thing, but if you don't, the authors DO make it clear that there are several social theories of abuse, and they explain why they choose to go with the feminist view. It definitely comes off as an honest book, and certainly could save many women's lives.

Me, now that I'm two years out of my abusive relationship, I occasionally re-read it to see how far I've come!

This book is wonderful, since it finally pointed out all of my feelings of hopelessness and confusion where I wasn't sure where it was coming from. All my excuses for staying with my abusive partner are in this book, and when I finally got too overwhelmed with the beginning of the book, I jumped ahead to the "When You Choose To Leave" because I just left him again almost a month ago. (You can easily jump around in this book and not feel like you've missed something.) I'm hoping that this book will help pull me through the tough times and give me enough courage to seek professional help for what he's done to me. So far I can't talk about it to more than a few people, because I feel ashamed, but I also feel hope, because if the women in this book could get their lives together in worse situations than mine, then so can I! Also, it gives great advice on where to find housing and financial help if you need it. I wasn't even sure what questions to ask in applying for assistance, but I just went back to the book, and it explained it out for me, and that gave me the courage to make a few more phone calls and figure the system out. What I've learned, sadly, is that although I'm not alone, I'm also in good company with beautiful human spirits.

As a substance abuse counselor who works with many abused women who are in relationships with emotionally and mentally abusive partners, I recommend this book to each of them and have found it to be a helpful way to validate and empower them to make healthier decisions about their life situation. For most women this book is the first opportunity to see stories that look much like their own life story and can begin the journey to safety and a new lifestyle.

This review is from the point of view of someone who has a friend in an emotionally abusive relationship. I found this book extremely helpful. It provides insights into what goes on in abusive relationships and it helps to answer the big question you've been asking: why does she stay? It has a chapter specifically for friends and family of victims suggesting how to help, what to ask, and how to react if an abused woman confides in you. I wish I'd read this book *before* that happened to me! I could have avoided some mistakes.

The book also includes practical (not rosy) descriptions of what abused women can expect if they file for a restraining order, stay at a shelter, bring in the police, etc. There's also advice on choosing the right person to confide in, the right counsellor, and the right advocate.

If you have (or suspect you have) a physically or emotionally abused friend or relative, you owe it to yourself and to her to read this book.

I thought I was crazy and not trying hard enough to be a good Christian wife, even though I was running myself ragged! It was AMAZING to see someone put all my feelings on the page the way Ms Jones and Ms Schechter did. Verbal and emotional abuse are not in YOUR head... they are in HIS. This book will make it very clear to you if he is abusive or not.

After years of marriage counseling, a therapist mentioned this book title in passing. I have many self-help and pyschology books, but I felt as though I was reading my autobiography. There it was in black and white! People that I did not know, people I had never met, were describing my life for the past ten years! The checklists helped me isolate the many controlling behaviors my husband exhibited. "When Love Goes Wrong" also made me aware of how subtle these behaviors seem, yet how devasting they are over the course of time. Most importantly, in offering examples of new questions to start asking myself, this book gave the power back to me. A must for any woman who wonders, "Why can't I ever do anything right?" IT IS NOT YOU!!

I went to the bookstore tonight to find a book to help answer the question: What do you do when you have been close to a truly brilliant, good, & decent person, and they communicate to you in clear terms they will be happier if you go away and stop interacting with them? You see, I grew with a single parent. I lived with the parent who was left by my other parent. The trouble was, both of my parents were brilliant, good & decent people. Both of them were strong willed. One of them decided they would be happier if they had very little to do with the other. It would have been easier, or understandable if the person who abandoned the other had been a lousy person, but they weren't. So if anybody has a book that helps a person cope with that issue, please email me and let me know.

Like many children in that circumstance, my solution was to concede that I couldn't take one side (See Spielberg's Catch Me If You Can). Children tend to have the naivete, intelligence, and/or resolve to learn to love both. But that did not solve their direct relations, and I'm still trying to improve their rapport.

So while I couldn't find a book that helped address my question, I did find this good book near the "Dealing with Grief, Divorce, & Loss" section: When Love Goes Wrong. I recommend it to anyone who is dealing with a dysfunctional relationship, whether personally or with a friend. It does an uncommonly thorough job of helping an untrained person identify the abusive or controlling aspects of their primary relationships.

This book is not just for abused women. It can help any person identify the controlling behaviors in themselves and others. Recognizing those habits is useful to anyone. It includes extensive checklists that offer practical analysis of behavior patterns and motivations. The advice given appears to be educated & experienced. It also attempts to deal with misconceptions & myths. While it is far easier to identify the controlling behaviors in others, this book is exceptional because it helps us see them in ourselves.

It is an easy book to scan and find what you might be interested in. It is organized and labeled exceptionally well.

This book is not filled with cliches. It understands that abusive habits are just part of the person. This book does not assume that abusive relationships should break up. The first emphasis in the book is: Can the people change the abusive or controlling parts of themselves or not? And how do you encourage and enable those changes?

The book does not deal well with one large, practical question for the couples it targets: How do the couples use non-abusive and non-controlling techniques to still negotiate solutions that meet more of both of their interests? Finding good answers to that vital question will need to be found in other books. But don't let that keep you from scanning this book, because this book still focuses exceptionally well on an often neglected, but beneficial part of the process.

I read this book in 1994. It was the best book that I have ever read. I was in a horrible controlling marriage, and this book let me know that I was not always wrong. He was. I got the divorce in 1995, and if it was not for this book I dont know where I would be. I was told so many times that I was stupid, that I started to believe it. If any of you are having problems with a controlling abusive (mentally or physically) relationship, read this book. It saved my life.

I am a totally different person, happy, outgoing and I am not afraid to speak my mind.

By reading this book I found the strength to stand up to my controlling and abusive partner, as well as, the words and approach I could take to assure my safety and well-being. As a direct result of the message in this book (and I read numerous others before I found the clear information I needed in this book) I was able to end an extremely abusive, violent relationship peacefully. I have recommended it over and over, especially to my counselor so she can share it with other women who do not understand or know how to address their abusive relationship.

This book is A+!!! It was not depressing and overwhelming sad like some books on this issue can be...It gives the abused woman who has conquered and broken the cycle of abuse a voice...it gives you basic and realistics steps without making one feel ashamed, hopeless and overwhelmed. this books helped me to save my own life from a long abusive and unhappy marriage. I strongly recommend this book to abused women and those who know an abused loved one. the authors are angels in disguise!!!