62 of 71 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Very helpful, practical advise, August 26, 2004
This was one of the books on our reading list prior to pursuing adoption of an older child (we spent about 2 years researching common disorders, therapies, adoption parenting techniques etc prior to adopting). We found it a little scary (the author describes very severe RAD cases) but found the advice very helpful in asking questions about the various children we considered and for then parenting the child we have adopted. As with any book, the authors advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt and adapted to suit your own family realities. For example, the author suggests that the mother must be at home full time and provide all the dicsipline/rewards at first. This was impossible in our situation and we felt that our son needed healthy interaction with both parents as a united team. She also places a high value on the role of sweets as comfort/nurturing rewrdas - but we are a family that does not eat sweets nor do we like to encourage the use of sweets. Overall, however, we found it worth reading and it has informed our own parenting strategies and also help us cope with some of the bad days because it makes us more aware of where these outrageous, exhausting behaviours come from. Although the author is not a professional whose advise is based on scientific research, I believe her experience and her success with severe cases should count for something. It was recommended to us by professional social workers and by our clinical psychiatrist/psychologist team. Our son has progressed from mild-moderate RAD to a more or less average 10 year old in one year.
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45 of 54 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A life-changing book for parents of RAD kids, March 14, 2005
This book is what many parents of RAD kids (children diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder) refer to as "the purple bible". Is it our sole source of guidance? Of COURSE not. In addition to "When Love is Not Enough", we have read Keck and Kupecky's "Adopting the Hurt Child", Cline and Fay's "Parenting with Love and Logic", Claudia Jewett's "Adopting the Older Child" and find wisdom in each.
That being said, it MUST be brought to the attention of everyone who parents a child dx'd with RAD that Nancy Thomas' guide is the most practical and helpful guide available.
In only 4 months, our lives with our adopted 13 year-old daughter (she came to live with us at age 11 and was diagonosed with RAD only 4 months ago) have changed radically. There is laughter and joy in our home again and she is making progress - she is HEALING.
To be sure, there have been hurdles to applying Ms. Thomas' methods, chiefly the fact that both my husband and I have careers and home-schooling is not an option. Additionally, our daughter's age (13 years old). It has not been easy and we continue to be challenged every day; however, through creatively customizing Ms. Thomas' methods to what our daughter is telling us that she needs (through her actions), she is experiencing REAL success and she is HEALING.
Parents of RAD kids, there are reviews here which disparage Nancy Thomas' methods in that they do not address respect for the child. I would like to remind these short-sighted individuals that respect is earned. Also, those children who do not respect themselves will certainly not be able to accept it from others. Following Nancy Thomas' guide affords children the opportunity to EARN respect - both from themselves and others.
There are also reviews which attempt to discommend the resources of Nancy Thomas due to a lack of credentials. To these readers, I would remind them of the adage: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." Enough said there.
Yes, there are spelling and grammatical errors. Yes, the book's writing leaves much to be desired. Here, we must keep in mind the limited resources of nonprofit organizations.
ALL THAT being said, if you are a parent of a child who has accurately been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), you ignore this guide at your AND your child's peril. Certainly, this is NOT the only resource. It will, however, bring about a change in your family dynamic that is nothing short of miraculous. It will enable your family to assist your "RADish" to begin to relinquish the debilitating patterns of control and, instead, begin building REAL relationships with others...relationships built on truth, trust, and love.
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29 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
What credentials does she need, February 9, 2005
Nancy L. Thomas has been critizied for lack of credentials. 20 years of experience with severely disturbed children sounds like pretty good credentials to me. It is the most depressing book I have ever read, but I am sure she is right on. Why, because our adopted son's treatment foster mother who has had 266 foster children used these techniques successfully on our son. We took the standard training, read the books by the credentialed experts and in three years have undone all of the good work of his foster mother. It will be very hard to regain that terratory, but I know we must. No, I would not like to live that way either as a parent or child, but I am willing to do so to save my son from what he is becoming. You may not like the book but my experience tells me it is correct.
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