Customer Reviews

When Madness Comes Home: Help and Hope for the Children, Siblings, and Partners of the Mentally Ill

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book is beautifully written and indispensable help for anyone affected by a loved one suffering a familiar *DIAGNOSED* illness that is being treated. But if you'll look down below at the first reader's review from June 1, 1997, I too have to stress that if you are trying to cope with loving someone who has borderline personality disorder, especially *UNDIAGNOSED* and untreated BPD (as it usually goes undiagnosed and untreated), then this book will not only not help you, it will only make you feel even more misunderstood and crazy yourself. The book that *will* help you more than you can imagine is STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS by Randi Kreger and Paul Mason. Undiagnosed BPD is common to the point of epidemic, and high-functioning BPD sufferers are extremely unlikely to get help while enjoying destroying your life. If that is the help you are looking for, Kreger's book is the one to get.

As an adult child of a parent suffering from severe depression, I found this book very helpful. This book was reassuring that I was not alone in my experience and it helped me to realize how this had affected my life. Too often, families of those with mental disorders are overlooked by both society and mental health professionals. Furthermore, the stigma associated with mental disorders isolates these family members even more. This book was very helpful for me.

As the daughter of a mentally ill mother, I found this book incredibly helpful in understanding the effect my mother's illness has had -- and continues to have -- on my family and on myself. I'd recommend this book especially if you find that even as an adult, you're still not at peace with your relative and your past, you can't bear to revisit your childhood, or you feel isolated, emotionally numb, and frightened for what the mental illness may mean for you and your own children.

_When Madness Comes Home_ shows how all these things are common patterns among the children and siblings of the mentally ill. Many of the same feelings, patterns of behavior and unresolved issues are shared by the children and siblings; yet most have never received any attention or guidance in coping. It's shocking that as far as the mental health system has progressed in treating the mentally ill, it has utterly failed to provide help for their *families*. This book may be the first step on the long, painful road to acceptance.

This book and _How to Cope with Mental Illness in Your Family_ by Diane T. Marsh, Ph.D. and Rex Dickens both offer good reading lists (the latter also has suggested reading for adolescents and children currently trying to cope with a mentally ill relative)...

I needed to find a book that had situations that I could relate to, and I found it! A sibling of mine was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder 5 weeks before I finished the book. It was very helpful just to know that other people (including Victoria herself) knew excatly what I felt and was going through. Being the main caregiver to a person with a neurobiological disorder can be sad, traumatizing, stressful and it can wear the caregiver down,physically and emotionally. This book covers all of these issues plus important medical issues. Wonderful book, well written, and most importantly, Victoria knows...shes been there.

I have been frustrated in my attempts to find help for my teenage daughter in understanding my mental illness. I found information for spouses and parents of the mentally ill but nothing for the children being raised by people like me. When I found this book I started reading to see if I thought it might be helpful to my daughter, it wasn't long however until I started seeing my own childhood in it and gained much insight for myself. One way that was helpful was to take away some of the guilt I carried about the kind of mother I had been. There are two areas in particular that I feel this book addressed very well that I were just the kind of help I was seeking for my daughter. First was to help relieve some of her fears about "turning out crazy" because mom did. Second was to get across the point to her that she is not responsible for me. That she has every right to go forward with her own life and let me attend to mine. That alone has helped our relationship immensely. I did not realize how much anger and resentment she was feeling about feeling that she had to be so careful with me. I was abusive to her when she was a small child and as I worked on stopping the abuse, I always stressed to her that the abuse was my fault. That she was a good little girl, that mommy had problems that I had to take care myself. I think that now she understands better what made me the way I am and that I am responsible for myself. I am extremely grateful for this book, not only for my daughter, but for the understanding I gained.

I have with great interest read this book. I am a clinical psychotherapist working with the children of suicadal parents and find the books content most valuable in my clinical work. I also give lectures on the topic i the Nordic countries and have used a lot of the information in the book both about resent research and about the childrens experiences af growing up with an mentally ill parent. I recommend the book to everyone I meet of my professional collegues. It has been a great source to go back to and find inspiration in my sometimes hard work. A thousand thanks for the thorough work you have done with this book Victoria Secunda. By the way I have myself written a smaller book touching this topic "Close to death and close to life- a book about courage and willingness to live" that is the translated title from swedish. Kati Falk

When my daughter suffered a deep depression, I read this book and found it spectacularly unhelpful. The author has done a study that revealed a bunch of interesting facts about how mental illness runs in families. But the underlying tone of parent-bashing that pervades this book will make you feel miserable if you're a parent with a child who has problems. Parents and so-called "bad parenting" do NOT cause every problem a young adult encounters in life.

This book may be useful for adults whose parents had mental problems. And it may also be fine for siblings. But if your child has mental problems, I'd strongly advise turning elsewhere for help. You won't find it here.

This is the first book I've ever read that legitimizes the many complex and long-term problems suffered by families which contain members with mental illness. It is reassuring to learn that mine is not alone in what we have experienced. Secunda does an excellent job of explainin the problems as well as the possibilites for success in these situations.

This book provides a number of actual stories from the family members (especially children) of the mentally ill. As an adult daughter of a bipolor mother, it was great to hear of people who grew up in similar environments and how they've coped in adulthood. However, what I did not like about the book was its casual use of language, ie. "crack up" to be a mental breakdown; I found it disrespectful. But this was a minor negative compared to the book's overall usefulness.

Hopefully this book will be a catalyst for creating some sort of structured help for families now coping with the mentally ill. It's tragic how devastating it is to a family that there is nowhere to send relatives and that their illness must affect everyone. Society needs to respond to these people rather than ignoring the situation while clamoring for more "patient rights"--we need places to hospitalize these people so the families can maintain sanity and continue productive lives. I wish Secunda would have addressed how families cope with mentally ill who refuse treatment. It creates an even more difficult situation