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When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation Paperback


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Kregel Publications (April 7, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0825433533
  • ISBN-13: 978-0825433535
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #305,901 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Cecil Murphey has written or coauthored more than one hundred books, including the autobiography of Franklin Graham, Rebel with a Cause and the New York Times best-seller 90 Minutes in Heaven. Cecil lives in Georgia.

More About the Author

Hello! My name is Cecil Murphey, but everyone just calls me 'Cec.'

I've written dozens of books on a variety of topics with an emphasis on Spiritual Growth, Christian Living, Caregiving, and Recovery. In these books, I share my personal experiences as I strive to be closer to God and to seek his will for me.

My passion is to stimulate people's minds and nourish their souls. Since 1984, I've used my writing to help me accomplish those goals. My first book came off the press in 1975. To date I've published more than 135 books and hundreds of articles.

When I write, I have the opportunity to share my faith and my spiritual growth with others. My nonfiction books are based on my personal experiences, experiences that have been enhanced and developed by meeting people just like you.

As a ghostwriter, I sometimes take other people's materials and write books for them. Some carried my name and others did not. (Ghostwriters are often noted with the word 'with' below the author's name.) Why do I ghostwrite? It's rewarding for me to help others tell their stories of inspiration and growth. For example, when I see and hear from readers of 90 Minutes in Heaven and they describe the peace they now have after losing a loved one, I'm gratified to be a part of telling that story.

I've had the opportunity to be a caregiver and work with a number of other caregivers for their loved ones. It's a difficult, but rewarding commitment. When you're dealing with challenges of Alzheimer's Disease, depression, or substance abuse in your family, it can be a time that stretches you personally and tries your faith.

Stop by my web site. Drop me an e-mail. I'd love to hear from you.

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
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A needed book, I recommend it highly.
Keiki Hendrix
When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphy is written in two parts.
L. Wagner
His honest approach to writing is admirable.
Cheryle M. Touchton

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful By LovingWife on October 19, 2011
Format: Paperback
After months and months of looking for resources, I came upon this book. I have been married for over 13 years to a wonderful man who was sexually abused for most of his childhood. Throughout our marriage I felt alone, rejected, not good enough to change him, mad, confused, hopeless, hurt, and aching for my husband to be "whole". I thought "if I could just do this, or say that, he can be fixed". There is not enough help out there for male survivors and even less help for wives of male survivors. This book was a God send. I read it in 2 days. Every chapter, I had an "a-ha" moment. The book was literally my whole relationship with my husband, spelled out. The author shows such a great deal of caring and true compassion for all boys who have suffered from abuse. His love comes through deeply in his written words. I felt so alone for all those years and this book helped me realize that I didn't have to be. It helped explained all the little things that were too painful for my husband to explain or the things that he didn't know how to explain. I realized that our story/issues were not unique. The things in his book fit like a blue print right over our lives. If you love a man who has been sexually abused, please read this book. After reading the book, I called my husband and we had a long talk. I took all the clarity and advice that the author gave in the book and it truly was amazing how my husband responded. Please know that with love, patience, and resources such as this book, you and your loved one can begin to heal and recover.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful By L. Wagner on June 28, 2010
Format: Paperback
When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphy is written in two parts. The first part deals with his own personal horrific trauma and how he handled it over many years, as well as his compassion for men who were sexually molested/abused as children. He reaches out passionately and directly about some of the areas abused men will need to address to become whole-giving an inside peek of the male's psyche and emotions. He's direct about what worked for him and what didn't. It's not a `fix-it' book, but instead helps men realize they aren't alone or crazy and that healing can be reached. The One who ultimately does the healing is the Lord, and He uses many different people to accomplish the task.

A few of his topics in Part 1: Who He Is

* Who Are the Molested?
* A Personal Journey
* Where Was God?
* A theft of Childhood
* Flashbacks and Dreams
* The Effects of Abuse
* Male Self-Images
* Forgiving the Abuser/Himself
* plus 14 more topics

The second half of the Cecil's book is directed specifically to the women in these men's lives-how they can help him through the healing process by being there for him and encouraging him. Easy? No way! Necessary? Absolutely!

Part 2 contains some of the following:

* The Other Victim
* Accept His Unspeakable Problem
* Believe Him and Help Him Believe
* Accept His Shame
* Remind Him You Care
* Listen, Listen, Listen
* Pray for Him
* Be Honest with Him
* plus 14 more topics

Women, this is definitely a book to have on your shelf if the man in your life is struggling with childhood sexual abuse.
Read more ›
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By A. E. Hebbert on July 2, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book will help anyone who has been sexually abused or has a friend/relative who is a victim.

Cecil Murphey is an unusually kind and caring person. He was a pastor before he took up writing full time. If you meet him personally, or read one of his books, you'll realize that he will probably know how you feel, regardless.

Murphey has written more than 100 books. Some are as-told-to stories. But When the Man You Love Was Abused is non-fiction. This book is based on his many questions and discussions with abuse survivors, and his own horrific experiences.

One in six males has experienced unwanted abusive sexual contact before the age of sixteen. Murphey writes to the women who love these men, with sound advice, sympathy and encouragement on how to recognize and deal with the soul-ripping that occurs when little boys endure unspeakable atrocities. Usually there is no one to help or rescue the boy. He holds the filthy secrets inside himself.

The author offers information and practical insight for the women (or anyone) who love these men. He lends encouragement with a balanced mix of statistics, personal insight, and inspirational stories from other survivors. He also coaches the abused on surviving, even thriving, after their past abuses. He speaks in a gentle tone that soothes the soul, and offers hope.

Murphey's closing words to women are encouraging (page 256): "Sexual abuse is one of the worst torments a boy can go through. It attacks his physical, spiritual, and psychological integrity. If you are committed to help the adult survivor in your life, you can be a true heroine in his life. He needs someone. He needs you." I hear rumors that a version for female survivors is on the way, and I'm glad.

Read more at Cec's blog, [...].

Reviewed by Audrey Hebbert, M.A., author of Green Light Red Light
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