For all women who know and love a survivor of sexual assault, best-selling author Cecil Murphey has penned an honest and forthright book about helping the man in your life survive--and thrive--despite past abuses.
When a Man You Love Was Abused
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About the Author
Cecil Murphey has written or coauthored more than one hundred books, including the autobiography of Franklin Graham, Rebel with a Cause and the New York Times best-seller 90 Minutes in Heaven. Cecil lives in Georgia.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
After months and months of looking for resources, I came upon this book. I have been married for over 13 years to a wonderful man who was sexually abused for most of his childhood. Throughout our marriage I felt alone, rejected, not good enough to change him, mad, confused, hopeless, hurt, and aching for my husband to be "whole". I thought "if I could just do this, or say that, he can be fixed". There is not enough help out there for male survivors and even less help for wives of male survivors. This book was a God send. I read it in 2 days. Every chapter, I had an "a-ha" moment. The book was literally my whole relationship with my husband, spelled out. The author shows such a great deal of caring and true compassion for all boys who have suffered from abuse. His love comes through deeply in his written words. I felt so alone for all those years and this book helped me realize that I didn't have to be. It helped explained all the little things that were too painful for my husband to explain or the things that he didn't know how to explain. I realized that our story/issues were not unique. The things in his book fit like a blue print right over our lives. If you love a man who has been sexually abused, please read this book. After reading the book, I called my husband and we had a long talk. I took all the clarity and advice that the author gave in the book and it truly was amazing how my husband responded. Please know that with love, patience, and resources such as this book, you and your loved one can begin to heal and recover.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This book will help anyone who has been sexually abused or has a friend/relative who is a victim.
Cecil Murphey is an unusually kind and caring person. He was a pastor before he took up writing full time. If you meet him personally, or read one of his books, you'll realize that he will probably know how you feel, regardless.
Murphey has written more than 100 books. Some are as-told-to stories. But When the Man You Love Was Abused is non-fiction. This book is based on his many questions and discussions with abuse survivors, and his own horrific experiences.
One in six males has experienced unwanted abusive sexual contact before the age of sixteen. Murphey writes to the women who love these men, with sound advice, sympathy and encouragement on how to recognize and deal with the soul-ripping that occurs when little boys endure unspeakable atrocities. Usually there is no one to help or rescue the boy. He holds the filthy secrets inside himself.
The author offers information and practical insight for the women (or anyone) who love these men. He lends encouragement with a balanced mix of statistics, personal insight, and inspirational stories from other survivors. He also coaches the abused on surviving, even thriving, after their past abuses. He speaks in a gentle tone that soothes the soul, and offers hope.
Murphey's closing words to women are encouraging (page 256): "Sexual abuse is one of the worst torments a boy can go through. It attacks his physical, spiritual, and psychological integrity. If you are committed to help the adult survivor in your life, you can be a true heroine in his life. He needs someone. He needs you." I hear rumors that a version for female survivors is on the way, and I'm glad.
Read more at Cec's blog, [...].
Reviewed by Audrey Hebbert, M.A., author of Green Light Red Light
Cecil Murphey is an unusually kind and caring person. He was a pastor before he took up writing full time. If you meet him personally, or read one of his books, you'll realize that he will probably know how you feel, regardless.
Murphey has written more than 100 books. Some are as-told-to stories. But When the Man You Love Was Abused is non-fiction. This book is based on his many questions and discussions with abuse survivors, and his own horrific experiences.
One in six males has experienced unwanted abusive sexual contact before the age of sixteen. Murphey writes to the women who love these men, with sound advice, sympathy and encouragement on how to recognize and deal with the soul-ripping that occurs when little boys endure unspeakable atrocities. Usually there is no one to help or rescue the boy. He holds the filthy secrets inside himself.
The author offers information and practical insight for the women (or anyone) who love these men. He lends encouragement with a balanced mix of statistics, personal insight, and inspirational stories from other survivors. He also coaches the abused on surviving, even thriving, after their past abuses. He speaks in a gentle tone that soothes the soul, and offers hope.
Murphey's closing words to women are encouraging (page 256): "Sexual abuse is one of the worst torments a boy can go through. It attacks his physical, spiritual, and psychological integrity. If you are committed to help the adult survivor in your life, you can be a true heroine in his life. He needs someone. He needs you." I hear rumors that a version for female survivors is on the way, and I'm glad.
Read more at Cec's blog, [...].
Reviewed by Audrey Hebbert, M.A., author of Green Light Red Light
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphy is written in two parts. The first part deals with his own personal horrific trauma and how he handled it over many years, as well as his compassion for men who were sexually molested/abused as children. He reaches out passionately and directly about some of the areas abused men will need to address to become whole-giving an inside peek of the male's psyche and emotions. He's direct about what worked for him and what didn't. It's not a `fix-it' book, but instead helps men realize they aren't alone or crazy and that healing can be reached. The One who ultimately does the healing is the Lord, and He uses many different people to accomplish the task.
A few of his topics in Part 1: Who He Is
* Who Are the Molested?
* A Personal Journey
* Where Was God?
* A theft of Childhood
* Flashbacks and Dreams
* The Effects of Abuse
* Male Self-Images
* Forgiving the Abuser/Himself
* plus 14 more topics
The second half of the Cecil's book is directed specifically to the women in these men's lives-how they can help him through the healing process by being there for him and encouraging him. Easy? No way! Necessary? Absolutely!
Part 2 contains some of the following:
* The Other Victim
* Accept His Unspeakable Problem
* Believe Him and Help Him Believe
* Accept His Shame
* Remind Him You Care
* Listen, Listen, Listen
* Pray for Him
* Be Honest with Him
* plus 14 more topics
Women, this is definitely a book to have on your shelf if the man in your life is struggling with childhood sexual abuse. Cecil has wise words of advice that will you help stand beside the man in your life through his healing process by encouraging him. Whether the survivor in your life is a brother, father, son, boyfriend, or husband, you will find encouragement and strength from Cecil's book. I personally feel that the book could also be used in reverse circumstances where it's the woman who has been abused, especially part 2.
Special thanks to Danielle Douglas of Douglas Public Relations for sending me a review copy.
A few of his topics in Part 1: Who He Is
* Who Are the Molested?
* A Personal Journey
* Where Was God?
* A theft of Childhood
* Flashbacks and Dreams
* The Effects of Abuse
* Male Self-Images
* Forgiving the Abuser/Himself
* plus 14 more topics
The second half of the Cecil's book is directed specifically to the women in these men's lives-how they can help him through the healing process by being there for him and encouraging him. Easy? No way! Necessary? Absolutely!
Part 2 contains some of the following:
* The Other Victim
* Accept His Unspeakable Problem
* Believe Him and Help Him Believe
* Accept His Shame
* Remind Him You Care
* Listen, Listen, Listen
* Pray for Him
* Be Honest with Him
* plus 14 more topics
Women, this is definitely a book to have on your shelf if the man in your life is struggling with childhood sexual abuse. Cecil has wise words of advice that will you help stand beside the man in your life through his healing process by encouraging him. Whether the survivor in your life is a brother, father, son, boyfriend, or husband, you will find encouragement and strength from Cecil's book. I personally feel that the book could also be used in reverse circumstances where it's the woman who has been abused, especially part 2.
Special thanks to Danielle Douglas of Douglas Public Relations for sending me a review copy.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Awesome and authentic!
I am a Marriage and Family Therapist, and I wholeheartedly recommend this book not only for the woman who loves a man who was abused, but for every man that is a survivor of sexual... Read more
Published 3 months ago by livinghope
Sorry, can't recommend.
Though obviously this is a very difficult and personal book to write, and it is certainly heartfelt. I do appreciate that. Read more
Published 6 months ago by C.
Somewhat Informative But Turned Off By Religious Content
Some of the information was good, but the constant referral to religious ideals was simply too distracting. The author has to do whatever works for him. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Debie Robbins
A Counselor at Your Fingertips
As a mother whose daughter was sexually abused, I understand firsthand that sexual abuse weaves a complex and confusing web. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Debra L. Butterfield
A Difficult Topic Handled Very Well
Cec Murphey has done it again. He has taken a difficult topic and presented it in a manner that is understandable, helpful, and inspiring. Read more
Published 18 months ago by Cheryle M. Touchton
Very Helpful
A quick, easy read that's been very, very helpful, especially from a very non-judgmental Christian perspective. Read more
Published 19 months ago by M. GRADZIEL
When the Man You Loved was Abused
The words of Cec Murphey in "When the Man You Love was Abused" pierce the soul and split wide-open the heart. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Genie Kay
When a Man You Love Was Abused by Cecil Murphey
"A book that encourages and instructs women by delving into a topic not many men easily admit or care to discuss and reveals the power of grace and unconditional love. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Keiki Hendrix
A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation
Customer Video Review
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Published 22 months ago by G P Smith
excellant resource
although i am not a man nor have i , thankfully, known a man who was sexually abused i found this book to be very informative with page after page of situations that i also could... Read more
Published 23 months ago by katie mcgraw
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