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When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation [Paperback]

Cecil Murphey
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)

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Book Description

April 7, 2010
For all women who know and love a survivor of sexual assault, best-selling author Cecil Murphey has penned an honest and forthright book about helping the man in your life survive--and thrive--despite past abuses.

Frequently Bought Together

When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation + Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse + Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse
Price for all three: $45.18

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Cecil Murphey has written or coauthored more than one hundred books, including the autobiography of Franklin Graham, Rebel with a Cause and the New York Times best-seller 90 Minutes in Heaven. Cecil lives in Georgia.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Kregel Publications (April 7, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0825433533
  • ISBN-13: 978-0825433535
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #238,205 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Hello! My name is Cecil Murphey, but everyone just calls me 'Cec.'

I've written dozens of books on a variety of topics with an emphasis on Spiritual Growth, Christian Living, Caregiving, and Recovery. In these books, I share my personal experiences as I strive to be closer to God and to seek his will for me.

My passion is to stimulate people's minds and nourish their souls. Since 1984, I've used my writing to help me accomplish those goals. My first book came off the press in 1975. To date I've published more than 135 books and hundreds of articles.

When I write, I have the opportunity to share my faith and my spiritual growth with others. My nonfiction books are based on my personal experiences, experiences that have been enhanced and developed by meeting people just like you.

As a ghostwriter, I sometimes take other people's materials and write books for them. Some carried my name and others did not. (Ghostwriters are often noted with the word 'with' below the author's name.) Why do I ghostwrite? It's rewarding for me to help others tell their stories of inspiration and growth. For example, when I see and hear from readers of 90 Minutes in Heaven and they describe the peace they now have after losing a loved one, I'm gratified to be a part of telling that story.

I've had the opportunity to be a caregiver and work with a number of other caregivers for their loved ones. It's a difficult, but rewarding commitment. When you're dealing with challenges of Alzheimer's Disease, depression, or substance abuse in your family, it can be a time that stretches you personally and tries your faith.

Stop by my web site. Drop me an e-mail. I'd love to hear from you.

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
(19)
4.7 out of 5 stars
A needed book, I recommend it highly. Keiki Hendrix  |  8 reviewers made a similar statement
After reading the book, I called my husband and we had a long talk. LovingWife  |  5 reviewers made a similar statement
His honest approach to writing is admirable. Cheryle M. Touchton  |  4 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars For Every Woman out there October 19, 2011
Format:Paperback
After months and months of looking for resources, I came upon this book. I have been married for over 13 years to a wonderful man who was sexually abused for most of his childhood. Throughout our marriage I felt alone, rejected, not good enough to change him, mad, confused, hopeless, hurt, and aching for my husband to be "whole". I thought "if I could just do this, or say that, he can be fixed". There is not enough help out there for male survivors and even less help for wives of male survivors. This book was a God send. I read it in 2 days. Every chapter, I had an "a-ha" moment. The book was literally my whole relationship with my husband, spelled out. The author shows such a great deal of caring and true compassion for all boys who have suffered from abuse. His love comes through deeply in his written words. I felt so alone for all those years and this book helped me realize that I didn't have to be. It helped explained all the little things that were too painful for my husband to explain or the things that he didn't know how to explain. I realized that our story/issues were not unique. The things in his book fit like a blue print right over our lives. If you love a man who has been sexually abused, please read this book. After reading the book, I called my husband and we had a long talk. I took all the clarity and advice that the author gave in the book and it truly was amazing how my husband responded. Please know that with love, patience, and resources such as this book, you and your loved one can begin to heal and recover.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must-Have Book July 2, 2010
Format:Paperback
This book will help anyone who has been sexually abused or has a friend/relative who is a victim.

Cecil Murphey is an unusually kind and caring person. He was a pastor before he took up writing full time. If you meet him personally, or read one of his books, you'll realize that he will probably know how you feel, regardless.

Murphey has written more than 100 books. Some are as-told-to stories. But When the Man You Love Was Abused is non-fiction. This book is based on his many questions and discussions with abuse survivors, and his own horrific experiences.

One in six males has experienced unwanted abusive sexual contact before the age of sixteen. Murphey writes to the women who love these men, with sound advice, sympathy and encouragement on how to recognize and deal with the soul-ripping that occurs when little boys endure unspeakable atrocities. Usually there is no one to help or rescue the boy. He holds the filthy secrets inside himself.

The author offers information and practical insight for the women (or anyone) who love these men. He lends encouragement with a balanced mix of statistics, personal insight, and inspirational stories from other survivors. He also coaches the abused on surviving, even thriving, after their past abuses. He speaks in a gentle tone that soothes the soul, and offers hope.

Murphey's closing words to women are encouraging (page 256): "Sexual abuse is one of the worst torments a boy can go through. It attacks his physical, spiritual, and psychological integrity. If you are committed to help the adult survivor in your life, you can be a true heroine in his life. He needs someone. He needs you." I hear rumors that a version for female survivors is on the way, and I'm glad.

Read more at Cec's blog, [...].

Reviewed by Audrey Hebbert, M.A., author of Green Light Red Light
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars "When a Man You Love Was Abused" by Cecil Murphey June 28, 2010
Format:Paperback
When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphy is written in two parts. The first part deals with his own personal horrific trauma and how he handled it over many years, as well as his compassion for men who were sexually molested/abused as children. He reaches out passionately and directly about some of the areas abused men will need to address to become whole-giving an inside peek of the male's psyche and emotions. He's direct about what worked for him and what didn't. It's not a `fix-it' book, but instead helps men realize they aren't alone or crazy and that healing can be reached. The One who ultimately does the healing is the Lord, and He uses many different people to accomplish the task.

A few of his topics in Part 1: Who He Is

* Who Are the Molested?
* A Personal Journey
* Where Was God?
* A theft of Childhood
* Flashbacks and Dreams
* The Effects of Abuse
* Male Self-Images
* Forgiving the Abuser/Himself
* plus 14 more topics

The second half of the Cecil's book is directed specifically to the women in these men's lives-how they can help him through the healing process by being there for him and encouraging him. Easy? No way! Necessary? Absolutely!

Part 2 contains some of the following:

* The Other Victim
* Accept His Unspeakable Problem
* Believe Him and Help Him Believe
* Accept His Shame
* Remind Him You Care
* Listen, Listen, Listen
* Pray for Him
* Be Honest with Him
* plus 14 more topics

Women, this is definitely a book to have on your shelf if the man in your life is struggling with childhood sexual abuse. Cecil has wise words of advice that will you help stand beside the man in your life through his healing process by encouraging him. Whether the survivor in your life is a brother, father, son, boyfriend, or husband, you will find encouragement and strength from Cecil's book. I personally feel that the book could also be used in reverse circumstances where it's the woman who has been abused, especially part 2.

Special thanks to Danielle Douglas of Douglas Public Relations for sending me a review copy.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent
This book is full of sensitive and practical advise. It was extremely helpful for me and I would recommend it to highly.
Published 5 months ago by Tangochick
5.0 out of 5 stars when a man you love was abused: a woman's guide
This is such a badly needed topic to reveal and understand confusing,and conflicted behaviors and their triggers for women who love an abused man, whether it be a spouse,a lover,... Read more
Published 8 months ago by nancy berry
5.0 out of 5 stars When the Man You Love Was Abused
Cecil Murphy does not shy away from the tough issues of life. As a teacher of behavior disordered boys, a reading of his book helped me to understand many of the behaviors that I... Read more
Published 9 months ago by C. Lampos
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome and authentic!
I am a Marriage and Family Therapist, and I wholeheartedly recommend this book not only for the woman who loves a man who was abused, but for every man that is a survivor of sexual... Read more
Published 15 months ago by livinghope
3.0 out of 5 stars Sorry, can't recommend.
Though obviously this is a very difficult and personal book to write, and it is certainly heartfelt. I do appreciate that. Read more
Published 18 months ago by C.
3.0 out of 5 stars Somewhat Informative But Turned Off By Religious Content
Some of the information was good, but the constant referral to religious ideals was simply too distracting. The author has to do whatever works for him. Read more
Published 18 months ago by Debie Robbins
5.0 out of 5 stars A Counselor at Your Fingertips
As a mother whose daughter was sexually abused, I understand firsthand that sexual abuse weaves a complex and confusing web. Read more
Published on January 4, 2011 by Debra L. Butterfield
5.0 out of 5 stars A Difficult Topic Handled Very Well
Cec Murphey has done it again. He has taken a difficult topic and presented it in a manner that is understandable, helpful, and inspiring. Read more
Published on November 30, 2010 by Cheryle M. Touchton
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful
A quick, easy read that's been very, very helpful, especially from a very non-judgmental Christian perspective. Read more
Published on October 12, 2010 by M. GRADZIEL
5.0 out of 5 stars When the Man You Loved was Abused
The words of Cec Murphey in "When the Man You Love was Abused" pierce the soul and split wide-open the heart. Read more
Published on September 2, 2010 by Genie Kay
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