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When Misery is Company: End Self-Sabotage and Become Content

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Whether they like it or not, admit it or not, a large number of people are "addicted to misery." Misery addiction is an insidious form of self-sabotage that manifests in a large number of very different, but very "general" ways. For instance, we may habitually make choices that set us up to fail, or we may abandon projects right before they succeed. Maybe we choose abusive partners and friends; maybe we're chronically underemployed. Perhaps we avoid happiness because of a persistant fear that we will *lose* that happiness. Each issue-- in one way or another-- adds up to living a life in which we never really feel content or fulfilled, and like the "good things" of life somehow keep passing us by.

Whatever the issue might be, conventional psychology either does not recognize Misery Addiction at ALL, or it chalks such problems up to more "popularly acceptable" causes, such as poor self-esteem, lack of assertiveness, ADHD or some other more widely recognized "syndrome." In this groundbreaking new book, author and psychotherapist Anne Katherine explains that there's really much more at work here.

The book is divided into two main sections. Part One ("Understanding the Problem") is dedicated to explaining and identifying the various aspects of Misery Addiction. In short, easy-to-read chapters, the author takes us through descriptions of what exactly Misery Addiction IS, then on to explaining the strange paradoxes that lie at the heart of Misery Addiction; where we may have learned during our upbringings, and how we now engage in certain behaviors that keep up from reaching happiness in life. Throughout, Katherine illustrates her descriptions with examples from her own psychotherapy practice and Misery Addiction retreats, and also includes a number of small self-tests and quizzes to help readers understand precisely where their "traps" lie.

Part Two ("Finding and Living the Solution") deals with recovery from Misery Addiction. Katherine is a strong proponent of following the basic "12-step program" format, as the optimal road to recovery. Even if you do not have a local MAA (Misery Addicts Anonymous) meeting, she recommends recommends getting involved with a 12-step group. This section also includes several chapters with "tools" to help the recovering Misery Addict deal with life. Finally, there is a helpful appendix with resources; how to set up and run a MAA group, notes to therapists, national 12-step organizations, and more.

Final thoughts: Highly recommended (9 out of 10 possible bookmarks). This is a much needed book on a topic that generally is not covered by conventional psychology or therapy. My only reservation is the extremely heavy reliance on a 12-step program as "the solution" to a complex matter, while very little information is offered about other therapeutic options. But that's a minor niggle-- this is a highly worthwhile book!

It never occurred to me before that someone can be addicted to feeling miserable and sabotage their own efforts and/or another person's efforts to help them succeed and enjoy life, but it is true!
I found this book insightful and clear and eye opening. The concept of misery addiction was new to me, but as I read the book, it made perfect sense. I actually worked with a person who was addicted to misery and her behavior made no sense to me at the time. She was self defeating and I did not understand why. Now I understand her issues and thinking patterns much more clearly. Now her actions and reactions make perfect sense to me.
"When Misery is Company" is a great tool for someone who is actually addicted to misery, but it can also clarify and enlighten people who know or work with those who have this addiction. I recommend it highly.

Anne Katherine has added to an already impressive series of books with When Misery is Company. The idea that there is an umbrella disorder that encompasses many others is thrilling. She presents her material in clear, gripping language. I couldn't stop reading, as the ideas drew a picture that explains why so many people cannot stop leading miserable lives. I'm a therapist and I think this book will be of immense help to both therapists and clients alike.

I started to thumb through this when it arrived and couldn't put it down for four hours! Anne Katherine has given both the lay person and the therapist a remarkable understanding of this very tenacious problem. The chapter on Brain Healing alone is worth the price of the book, but there is so much more! It becomes abundantly clear that someone suffering from this frozen place "needs a different therapuetic structure than an ordinary client". Katherine goes on to spell out what tools are needed for this journey, offering hope to that person without hope who we all recognize...maybe even ourselves!

This book gives birth to new hope and help to myriad thousands whose continued sabotage of self is the harbinger of doom that leaves their lives steeped in misery.

Anne Katherine, gifted psychotherapist and author, identifies two primary components that exist in the conundrum of this insidious condition. The mind of the child's maladaptive response to repeated painful stimuli and the brain's biochemical adjustment to stop pleasure or success before it can become pain. The child's jitterbug of emotions eventually imprisons its owner in the addiction to misery.

This author identifies this enigmatic problem and the healing solution in this prodigious book. It is another revelation of how important community is in the healing process.

I first encountered Anne Katherine's writing when I took a continuing education course about setting boundaries. I am continually impressed with her clear and unique insights. She is able to see and UNDERSTAND humans and human interaction in an exceptionally clear way. In this book, she communicates what so many of us have been unable to express and overcome within ourselves. The dynamics of self-sabotage and self-created misery are finally understood and explained in a whole and empowering way. She teaches and shows the way past a painful, self-defeating life.

When Misery Is Company: End Self-Sabotage And Become Content by psychotherapist, licensed mental health counselor, and popular author Ann Katherine offers the reader exercises, anecdotal personal stories, and an insightful, gentle wisdom focused on the self-defeating practice of trying to guard against disappointment, fear or shame by not allowing ourselves to fully experience intimacy, success, or pleasure. Sound psychology combined with a natural talent for writing fully engage the reader's total and thoughtful attention from first page to last as individual chapters are grouped into two major parts: "Understanding the Problem" and "Finding and Living the Solution". Enhanced with five appendices and an index, When Misery Is Company is especially recommended for those seeking assistance in developing their own personal growth on the basis of sound psychology and practical experience.

Though I am merely half way through the book, I am highly impressed by it. The sheer wealth of knowledge that I gained regarding my own actions and the mechanisms that trigger them is staggering. Literally, everything that I do now and have done in the past makes perfect sense when put into the context of misery addiction. I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to anyone, whether they believe they may be a misery addict, might know a misery addict, or merely wish to read about a condition that is truly fascinating in it's complexity.

Anne Katherine has opened my eyes to the "why" of my self-sabotage. I've gotten some good ideas on how to begin to change this bad habit 'one day at a time'.

Although I actually enjoyed it, I don't feel strongly one way or the other about this book. It does a good job describing the concept of self-sabotage, and the grip it can have on its 'victims' but I've since read books which in my view do a better job explaining what self-sabotage is, the purpose it serves, and its root psychological causes. The author seems to be a strong advocate of anti-depressant which is not a view shared by the overwhelming majority of expert in this field, to say the least. In fact, many strongly advice against anti-depressants, which more often than not worsen the depression, have dreadful side effects, and numb the mind, making it very difficult to progress and grow. This is not to say that anti-depressants are never appropriate. I'm told some people would not be able to function without them, but I'm hearing again and again that, unless absolutely necessary, people should stay away from them.
The remedy recommended by the author is, in essence, the AA method (the Self-sabotage addict version). I'm sure she knows what she is talking about, but for some reason, I was not convinced. In my humble view, the AA method, although it is a lot better than nothing, and it allegedly has a solid track record of transforming people's lives, it does not address the psychological cause of self-sabotage, alcoholism, or any other additions, at the core. But my view could change if I was to spend more time researching the method. This is just an impression, based on what I've read so far and my knowledge of the matter. Other than that, I did enjoy this book, and I appreciate the author's sincerity and genuine willingness to help. It kept my attention and actually helped me in more than one way.