When Mothers Work: Loving Our Children Without Sacrificing Our Selves [Hardcover]

Joan K. Peters (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1997

al trends, this book details the pressures--both psychological and cultural--which force women into the role of primary parent. Peters provides hands-on, practical strategies to help mothers balance work, family, and self.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Here's a radical concept: motherhood, as it is currently envisioned and practiced in American culture, is bad for the family. This theory is the heart of Joan K. Peters's controversial When Mothers Work, a book guaranteed to make readers question everything they thought they believed about parenting. In Peters's view, the myth of the perfect mother, who is not only willing but glad to make huge sacrifices for her children, is really a trap that creates unhappy, unfulfilled parents and miserable children. Why, Peters asks, do we assume that the transformation into primary caregiver and ultimate authority on all things having to do with home and child is welcomed by women? Why is it that the birth of a baby radically changes most mothers' lives while fathers often go essentially untouched? Peters is not afraid to question the sanctity--or the satisfaction--of motherhood; she points out that parenting, as it is organized today, requires women to make most of the sacrifices and take on most of the stress while depriving men of both the responsibilities and the rewards of being a parent.

Many of these arguments have been made before, but what makes Peters's book both unique and persuasive is that she doesn't assign blame to men only; she is quick to point out that it is women themselves who are often reluctant to give up the lion's share of responsibility for child rearing. Yet, in order for families to be truly functional, mothers must share parenting equally and accept that, while men may nurture children differently, they are just as effective. Happy children require happy parents, Peters argues, and having a life and identity outside of the home is essential to both men and women. When Mothers Work is a thoughtful critique of the state of American parenting today and a blueprint for change.

Review

"If mothers work, who will raise the children?" The answer is usually "No one; therefore mothers must go home again--temporarily, of course."

In When Mothers Work, Joan K. Peters argues that such sacrificial motherhood isn't good for children, much less for marriages or for mothers. The real question is: why haven't we adapted motherhood and work to accommodate our vastly changed lives?

...[Joan Peters] makes the case that, given sensible working conditions, a mother's employment means a richer parenting experience, stronger marriages, and more balanced children. With portraits of a dozen real families ... Peters illustrates the strategies that make this new family life succeed. -- Addison-Wesley

"We no longer have a problem that has no name," she declares. "Most women know exactly what the problem is: men have to do half the child care, and schools should be better, work more humane and child care subsidized." But before any of these far-off developments can be realized, we have to learn "how to be different parents." Peters's book is an excellent place to start. -- The New York Times Book Review, Elizabeth Crow

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 249 pages
• Publisher: Perseus Books (September 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0201127946
• ISBN-13: 978-0201127942
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,295,860 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Rejecting the martyrdom excuse, March 13, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: When Mothers Work: Loving Our Children Without Sacrificing Our Selves (Paperback)

As a woman contemplating beginning a family, I've been concerned with the issue of how I will balance my desire to be a good parent while also still having a life. I wasn't looking for validation of a career choice so much as guidance for thinking about the issue on my own. To that end, I found this book to be extremely useful and stimulating for thought--Joan Peters shed light on attitudes and assumptions I have had without every questioning or examining their sources. I came to realize that many of them are not consistent with my values, and reading the book was the first step in changing them. I appreciate the book's sensitivity to the many concerns women have regarding motherhood and career, and the fact that it isn't just saying "buck up and put your kid in childcare, you have a right." That would not have served me. Instead, it focuses much more on gender issues and how we can adapt parenting to better include both the mother and father for the everyone's benefit. It also brings to light the way that some women use having children as a way to avoid identity conflicts of their own. She asks some tough questions with regard to this, which I think will help some women get to the heart of their real motives for motherhood. If you simultaneously feel that you weren't put on the earth solely to reproduce but also care deeply about doing right by your children, this book will assist you in striking a balance that will work.

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars What an eye opener!, April 14, 2000

By 

valhowells (Elgin, IL USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: When Mothers Work: Loving Our Children Without Sacrificing Our Selves (Paperback)

This book is about raising healthy children. This is not meant to be a political or controversial book. It deals with the real issues all parents face when confronted with wanting to raise your children and having to support your family. The author's theory is that fulfilled parents raise independant, self-reliant children. There are examples of families that use many different strategies to raise their children successfully, without guilt for the time they spend at work. The author talks about the satisfaction that BOTH parents get from caregiving. Unlike the family dynamic of the 1950's, if the mother is sufficiently supported in child rearing by the father, she can parent effectively herself without becoming burnt out. In addition, the children benefit from having 2 involved parents, rather than just 1 or 1 1/2, and the father gains from having a closer relationship with the children. At the same time the parents have the satisfaction of working and supporting their family together (or however it works best for that family). This book helped me quite a bit. I don't know how I will feel after my child is born and my maternity leave is over. My husband has always promised we would share all work in raising our family but I just couldn't give up the power of running the house. I didn't believe he could do the job as well as I would. This book explains that dads don't do things the same way as moms. They do them differently, and the kids benefit from both parenting styles. This book gave me the courage to trust him to do his very best, just as I know I will.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The BEST Book to Successfully Combine Career & Mothering, January 9, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: When Mothers Work: Loving Our Children Without Sacrificing Our Selves (Paperback)

We are still a couple of years away from starting our family, but already I felt the pressure to give up a career in investments that I love. I "want it all" (successful career, great kids), but could not figure out how to make it happen. This is the first book I've found that really convinced me that not only could it be done, but it has to be done! Very liberating to read -- shattering the myth of the perfect, sacrificial mother. It certainly won't be easy, but now I can stop sewing my SuperWoman outfit and really look forward to having kids!