Customer Reviews

When Mothers Work: Loving Our Children Without Sacrificing Our Selves

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As a woman contemplating beginning a family, I've been concerned with the issue of how I will balance my desire to be a good parent while also still having a life. I wasn't looking for validation of a career choice so much as guidance for thinking about the issue on my own. To that end, I found this book to be extremely useful and stimulating for thought--Joan Peters shed light on attitudes and assumptions I have had without every questioning or examining their sources. I came to realize that many of them are not consistent with my values, and reading the book was the first step in changing them. I appreciate the book's sensitivity to the many concerns women have regarding motherhood and career, and the fact that it isn't just saying "buck up and put your kid in childcare, you have a right." That would not have served me. Instead, it focuses much more on gender issues and how we can adapt parenting to better include both the mother and father for the everyone's benefit. It also brings to light the way that some women use having children as a way to avoid identity conflicts of their own. She asks some tough questions with regard to this, which I think will help some women get to the heart of their real motives for motherhood. If you simultaneously feel that you weren't put on the earth solely to reproduce but also care deeply about doing right by your children, this book will assist you in striking a balance that will work.

This book is about raising healthy children. This is not meant to be a political or controversial book. It deals with the real issues all parents face when confronted with wanting to raise your children and having to support your family. The author's theory is that fulfilled parents raise independant, self-reliant children. There are examples of families that use many different strategies to raise their children successfully, without guilt for the time they spend at work. The author talks about the satisfaction that BOTH parents get from caregiving. Unlike the family dynamic of the 1950's, if the mother is sufficiently supported in child rearing by the father, she can parent effectively herself without becoming burnt out. In addition, the children benefit from having 2 involved parents, rather than just 1 or 1 1/2, and the father gains from having a closer relationship with the children. At the same time the parents have the satisfaction of working and supporting their family together (or however it works best for that family). This book helped me quite a bit. I don't know how I will feel after my child is born and my maternity leave is over. My husband has always promised we would share all work in raising our family but I just couldn't give up the power of running the house. I didn't believe he could do the job as well as I would. This book explains that dads don't do things the same way as moms. They do them differently, and the kids benefit from both parenting styles. This book gave me the courage to trust him to do his very best, just as I know I will.

We are still a couple of years away from starting our family, but already I felt the pressure to give up a career in investments that I love. I "want it all" (successful career, great kids), but could not figure out how to make it happen. This is the first book I've found that really convinced me that not only could it be done, but it has to be done! Very liberating to read -- shattering the myth of the perfect, sacrificial mother. It certainly won't be easy, but now I can stop sewing my SuperWoman outfit and really look forward to having kids!

The first two years of my daughter's life, I was thoroughly conflicted. Was she going to end up "damaged" because I worked? Was I a bad mother because I wanted to work? When I read this book, it was like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders! I am now buying this book for my sister who has the "guilt" also. I began to see what a positive roll model I was for my daughter - and now my newborn son. In fact,I am going back to work tomorrow. I am a little anxious - but no longer because of my guilt, just my added responsibility!

I loved the concept of this book and had such hopes for it. However, the author's whole point is this: men should share equally in all the parenting duties (what a brilliant idea that no woman ever thought of before!), and corporations need to accommodate working moms and be genuinely flexible about it (another fabulously original notion), and no woman should ever be a stay-at-home mom because of all the things it deprives her of and deprives her child of a lot of things to (excuse me? what about personal choice? just because I plan to continue to work in an office doesn't mean I'm going to tell other women what to do). She makes these points in the first two chapters, which otherwise make some pretty good points except for the obvious agenda. After that it becomes kind of a storybook about all of her friends.

While this book was written for a primarily American audience, it still made alot of good sense for me as a New Zealand mother-to-be. What she proposes is really very simple - moving away from the overparenting trap, including our children as part of our lives as women rather than our whole reason for being, allowing the parenting to extend beyond just the nuclear family and most importantly of all, elevating the role of the father as parent. Made sense to me.

No mother returns to work without some feeling of ambivalence. This book does a solid job of dispelling the myths of the benefits of the always available mother which society seems to call for and gives so many reasons why Mother's work outside the home is good for the whole family. I have read it over and over and find new jewels of wisdom each time. Ms. Peters speaks of the value of work with confidence and conviction while never losing her tenderness when voicing so beautifully the absolute joy which children bring to our lives.

This book helps to eliminate some of the guilt associated with going back to work. It reinforces the positive aspects of working, and reminds us that raising children is a family affair.

I'm contemplating having a child but know that I can not give up a career that I love which helps define who I am. I've been looking for literature to try to understand how to have it all. The beauty of this book is that it is so obvious once you read it - there is nothing magical about a mother that can't be provided by a father. Split the work 50-50. read how successful families do it.

I really enjoyed this book more than I thought I would. I originally bought it for a sociology class I was taking. But once I started reading it I saw it for it's real worth. It shows motherhood in a different light. It allows mothers to both work and be a mother without having guilt from themselves and society. A must read for all working mothers.