Customer Reviews

When Parents Love Too Much: Freeing Parents and Children to Live Their Own Lives

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I bought this book because I was getting way too stressed about disappointments in my children's lives. Objectively I knew that through a little pain comes growth, but I still couldn't stop my almost physical pain when my kids encountered failure. I just wanted to rush in, take away the pain, and save them. I knew this was wrong, but I needed to better understand why I was thinking this way before I could change.
When I read this book, I clearly saw what was going on. I also saw the beginnings of signs in my kids that I was "over parenting" them. I also saw and understood alot of what was going on in my friend's families (they are all now reading this).
The info is not EARTH shaking, but it is illuminating. the book is easy to read, but I wish there had been more about how to change your parenting skills. (really only one or two chapters on this, the rest is examples of loving too much and the effect it has on the kids, and the kids in their adulthood).

Mitch and Laurie have compassionately written about a phenomenon that is not often talked about - one where parents desperately love and cling to their children, to the point of emotionally smothering them.

When Parents Love Too Much was a critical read in my own life that helped me see the insanity of the relationship with my mother. Not only did Mitch and Laurie pinpoint exactly what I was going through, through this book they challenged me to rethink my role as a daughter and ultimately as a parent myself.

This book touched on many issues I faced as the child of a parent who loved too much and gave answers to the underlying questions and concerns that I had. More importantly, I found specific strategies to help me disentangle myself from the emotional bondage.

When Parents Love Too Much provides a thorough look into the lives of both parent and child caught in "over-loving." Without blaming either party, this book helped me regain confidence and belief in myself. It was a tremendous help to me and continues to be a book I refer back to.

This book was recommended to me by a close friend. I am recently engaged and have been having trouble with my mother since my fiance and I have began our relationship. Because I am an only child and am estranged from my extended family, I felt that me upcoming nuptials would be a time to rejoice and begin a new chapter in my life of merging two families together. Needless to say, the opposite occured and I was often left wondering why there is this tremendous strain between my mother and I. Why is it that I am so sad during the happiest time of my life? While reading this book, I felt like it dug deep into my childhood and pinpointed all of the important events that ultimately shaped me as an adut. At times, I felt like it was written especially for me! I focused on how controlling parents can run your life so much that their concerns become your own with realizing it. I discovered that my self-criticism is a result of my parental relationship and I began to feel vindicated and free. This is a great book if you want to dig in deep into the reasons why your parents became who they are and what you became as a result of it as well.

Just finished reading this book and found there just wasn't much meat to it. Some of the examples (there aren't many throughout) between parent and child coversations didn't seem realistic. I also agree with the other reviewer that much of it is very repetitive throughout. It wasn't until the last two or so chapters that I felt I was getting some good information that would be useful.

To sum it up:

Parent through guiding not punishing or being too permissive.
Have family meetings to discuss issues that each person wants to address
Each child should have their own identity in the family
Children should be heard, listend to, so that they know their feelings matter as much as yours do

They highly recommend a child development class or a book. That's why I'm here now, to get a book!

This book does an excellent job in discussing various problematic issues arising from situations when parents get overinvolved in their children's life. It also explains how some of the common "adult" issues such as lack of self-esteem, inability to achieve the goal or general unhappiness with life may stem from such parent-child relationships. What I found particularly useful and interesting is how these problems can further affect love relationships and marriage.

I greatly enjoyed reading this book and getting some advice from it both as a child and as a parent. Definitely recommend it to both individuals and couples who feel too dependent on or too controlled by parents (or parents-in-law) and parents who are too worried about their children and cannot effectively deal with the urge to help them in every possible even unnecessary aspect.

The problem outlined here is not always well recognized by our society but is clearly a very important one.

Too bad that this is the one book out there on a very important topic. The authors repeat themselves, contradict themselves, and blow up the material--enough for a good article--into a fat book. That said, the book can be helpful. Just be prepared to skim through. You really don't need to read the same few ideas over, and over, and over, and over again.