When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships [Paperback]

David Richo (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 22, 2008

In this book, psychotherapist David Richo explores how we replay the past in our present-day relationships—and how we can free ourselves from this destructive pattern. We all have a tendency to transfer potent feelings, needs, expectations, and beliefs from childhood or from former relationships onto the people in our daily lives, whether they are our intimate partners, friends, or acquaintances. When the Past Is Present  helps us to become more aware of the ways we slip into the past so that we can identify our emotional baggage and take steps to unpack it and put it where it belongs.


Drawing on decades of experience as a psychotherapist, Richo helps readers to:


   • Understand how the wounds of childhood become exposed in adult relationships—and why this is a gift
   • Identify and heal the emotional wounds we carry over from the past so that they won't sabotage present-day relationships
   • Recognize how strong attractions and aversions to people in the present can be signals of own own unfinished business
   • Use mindfulness to stay in the present moment and cultivate authentic intimacy

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

David Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth. He is known for drawing on Buddhist thought, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work. He is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Shambhala; First Edition edition (July 22, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 159030571X
• ISBN-13: 978-1590305713
• Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.6 x 8.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #17,726 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #85 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Emotions

More About the Author

David Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth.

He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.

Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving and The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.

Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

51 of 56 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best books I have ever read, September 7, 2008

By 

Deborah L. Aaron "Deborah Aaron, M.D." (Santa Fe, NM) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships (Paperback)

"When the Past Is Present" is one of the best books I have ever read. In this beautifully written work Dr. Richo explains psychological terminology in a manner that is easy to understand. This aspect of the book refreshing, clear and illuminating. Yet it is also a very spiritual book that speaks to one's heart. The material provides a profound and useful way for us to examine relationships so that we can move away from and let go of the past. I believe that anyone who reads this book will be positively and deeply affected by it.

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful, February 28, 2010

By 

C. Watts "ACW" (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships (Paperback)

This book belongs on the shelf of any therapist/psychologist. David Richo suggests that all good relationships are based on the 5 A's: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing your partner to be his/her self. The book is based on how earlier life problems are replayed through relationships, aka transference. Richo beautifully discusses how certain relationship issues can be formed and more importantly, how one can break free of old habits that destruct relationships. To top it off the writing is beautifully written.

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing Insights, October 6, 2008

By 

R. Windham - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships (Paperback)

As great as Richo's How to be an Adult. Richo's a poet. He gives unparalleled insight to why we act/react the way we do. If you are practicing mindfulness and a Twelve Step program, this book is for you. Both of Richo's books I've mentioned have increased my personal work and deepened my husband's and my relationship.