Customer Reviews

When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Resources for Changing Lives)

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Welch has written a gem on the need for us to realize how great God really is and how we need to stop fearing other people so much!

The focus of Welch's book is to have a greater healthy fear of God to the point that other people have less power and control over our lives.

The points Welch describes in his book include:

1. The fear of God is the best treatment for the fear of man.
2. Jesus was not a people-pleaser.
3. Having more fear of man than God is idolatry.
4. When we fear God we think of ourselves less.
5. When we spend more time with God, opinions of ourselves and what others think of us matter less.
6. We should love people more and need them less (only God can truly provide for our needs).
7. We love others because God first loved us.
8. When God is reduced to our feelings, He becomes less awesome to us while people become larger.

The "fear of God" may be defined as having a healthy reverence for God - He loves us and does not want us to be so afraid of Him that we are scared of having a personal relationship with Him.

Read the book and be encouraged to be more concerned about what God thinks and less concerned about what other people think!

I'll have to admit, I was a little leery of this book from the title - peer pressure, codependency - come on, another Christian psycho-babble book? But I read it since a friend was reading it and I'll admit - I was wrong. When People Are Big is an outstanding book that has something to say about the self-centered psychology of Freud and Maslow - it's all focused on the wrong thing: man. Welch, himself a Ph.D. recipient in counseling psychology chooses to focus on God's Word as the source of truth and understanding regarding the nature of man. His basic concept is that man is created to bring glory to God and in saying this notes that God has designed us with certain "needs" or "desires" that are to be fulfilled by God Himself. The problem arises, according to Welch, when we replace the proverbial God-shaped vacuum in our lives with temporal things of this world that are not only unable to satisfy our longings, but in fact prohibit God from being able to! As man turns to self for "actualitization," he finds that his highest purpose doesn't really supply meaning or significance. Only in a proper relationship with God through the sanctifying work of Christ on the cross can man truly understand his true nature and true self.

Ultimately, Welch argues, the problem with man is low esteem for his Creator. If we truly lived before an Audience of One, Welch believes that many of our daily "problems" would be solved with a proper perspective - we would see ourselves in a proper light and we would see that we are not the source of that light, but created to be the reflectors of it to others. One of the great paradoxes of the Christian life is truly understanding ourselves - totally depraved and unworthy of salvation, yet by the grace of God we are made into heirs to the throne clothed with the righteousness of Christ Himself! The key, Welch states, is our ability to realize that this transformation from rags to riches is not based upon who we are or what we can accomplish, but rather on the work of a Holy and Merciful God.

This is a great book for every Christian today - we all have problems and trials we face, we all have people that we give too much power over our lives, we all need a greater appreciation for and understanding of the majesty of God. Welch concludes that if we could just understand what Scripture is seeking to show us, that our lives would be radically transformed - not only a saving grace would be ours, but a sanctifying grace that would overflow into the lives of those around us - even those we despise and dislike! Francis Schaeffer wrote a classic little book titled The Mark of a Christian and in it claims that the world will know we are Christians by our love for each other - Welch agrees with this sentiment and helps us understand why we haven't arrived at this place yet!

I read a lot of books but this book is one of the few that i would re-read again and make notes so that i can really get a good grasp of its wonderful and convicting teaching. It is also one of the few books that i can say really challenges my thinking and living.

This book also got me more interested in counselling and "Christian" psychology. Some of the views written challenges many common Christian Psychology/counselling teachings - he challenges some of Larry Crabb's views.

But besides these "differences" (which i need to look more into), i think this book is an excellent read - especially for Christians who are in leadership positions. There is always a tendency to be controlled by the opinions of man, and thus in Welch's terms, succumb to a fear of man, rather than to be controlled by what God teaches, therefore be a God fearing Christian.

This book calls us to deny ourselves, to crucify our ungodly desires for popularity, fame and good opinions of man. It calls us to see God as bigger than man and once we do that, we will start to fear God and not man. Wonderful thought-provoking, life- and attitude-challenging stuff.

This book has a solid thesis: many of the problems we have with peer pressure, the fear of man, controlling or being controlled by others, and the like all have to do with fearing man rather than fearing God. I found the way Welch unpacks this idea a little tedious; each chapter seemed to restate the main idea and apply it with little difference.

The second half of the book is more helpful. Welch gives several positive biblical examples of what the fear of the Lord looks like, and why we should strive to have it replace the fear of man in our hearts. His continuum of terror to worship shows the different forms our fear of God should take as we grow in our knowledge of him--the fear is never removed, but it matures into a healthy, reverential fear of the holy God who has befriended us in Christ. His paradigm of loving people rather than needing them, of seeking to serve others rather than having them serve our own purposes, is a good corrective to the self-centered pop psychology we are inundated with in the West.

Welch's book is a good biblical antidote to peer pressure, codependency and the fear of man. With a proper understanding of who God is and the resulting fear of him, we have no need to fear men. Instead we can love and serve them the way God intends. This book is a great resource both for personal growth and as a reference for counseling.

This book was recommended to my husband and I during marriage counseling with a very prestigious, well known doctor.

I wish we had read it a long time ago. I have never had the biblical concept of *love* in its truest sense explained so clearly.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone that has struggled with dysfunctional family relationships, codependency issues, or even just loving your enemies.

I want to buy a case of these and pass them out to everyone we know!! That's how great this book is.

... the book is as much about the theology of interdependence as it is about the psychology of overcoming codependent self-centeredness. Weaving a tapestry of Scripture, Welch builds a firm orthodoxy which embraces a healthy fear of God over the (always spiritually and sometimes physically) deadly fear of man.

The applications for this book are wide-reaching. Yes, those of us who struggle with issues of codependency will find resources to help us begin the process of refocusing, turning our attention away from our selves and toward the Creator. However, I am convinced that "normal" people, trapped in the consumerist malaise of twenty-first century Christianity will discover the Biblical truth of interdependence in Christ which flies in the face of so much of today's prosperity-based pop theology. This book can change your life... and it can change your church as well, I think.

Welch writes clearly, insightfully, and biblically. The content is of utmost relevance to our age. Not only does he make his point clear, but he leads the reader to life-changing application of truth. Every Christian counselor, paricularly every God-fearing pastor who attempts to meet the "self-esteem" needs of his flock, should read this book. He would do well to have an extra copy available to hand to counselees.

As a counselor and one who has struggled personally with self-worth, I have found nothing as helpful or biblical as this book.

Do you fear people? Do you control your actions based on what others have done or may do to you, or may think of you? Do you respond either in terror (major or minor) or great affection? If you answered yes, you're an idolater. "Our problem is that we need [others] (for ourselves) more than we love them (for the glory of God)." (p. 19)

In this book about the consequences of big people and a small God, there are answers. Because the fear of man doesn't manifest itself in the same way for everyone, Welch writes about the different symptoms we may experience. Among them, a push for self-esteem, shame, compromise, neediness, worldliness, and a feelings-oriented worldview.

But, as promised, there are answers. Or, rather, there is an Answer. The point of counseling philosophy - secular or sacred - is to offer a diagnostic system of redemption. "Here's your problem...here's how the problem can be resolved/fixed/cured/healed...Please go and live in happiness now." What Welch offer is not a system of redemption, but rather our Redeemer.

"If you have ever walked about giant redwoods, you will never be overwhelmed by the size of a dogwood tree. Or if you have been through a hurricane, a spring rain is nothing to fear. If you have been in the presence of the almighty God, everything that once controlled you suddenly has less power." (119)

The answer? Know God, and grow in the fear of Him. As we see God for who He really is, we will see ourselves (and other people) for who we all are: "someone completely dependent on Him." "Self-serving needs are not meant to be satisfied; they are meant to be put to death...We love not because people have psychological deficits; we love because God first loved us. The image of God in us is not about psychological need..." (163)

Welch compassionately reveals the depths and subtleties of our sin, but he doesn't leave us hanging. He provides us with a beautiful picture of the only Answer we need: Know your God. Always be growing in your knowledge of Him. He is a redwood not among dogwoods, but among blades of grass, and when once you understand that in Christ, His gaze is not one of wrath or condemnation, but of love and grace, you will realize that "this is the gaze that transforms. It will expel the fear of man and be a blessing for all God's people.' (239)

This is a must-read for everyone! Dr. Welch explains how putting people ahead of God (making them "bigger") leads to anxiety and neediness. Instead of caring what others think of us, thus giving them power to control us, we must trust Him; we must submit to God's authority and obey Him.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10

As a professional counselor Ed Welch in this book simply explains the natures of the peer pressure, codependency and the fear of man and gives biblically refreshing solutions.

Ed Welch is a counselor with Resources for Changing Lives, a ministry of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. He starts in his book with a personal life story rounded around `love tank' which must be filled by others.

The author stress that we must follow the steps first to find out how and why do we fear others and how can we overcome the fear of man. Therefore, he has three sub headings in the first part: 1. You must recognize that the major theme in the Bible and your own life is the fear of man (Biblical view). 2. You must identify where you fear of man has been intensified in your past (experiential or self view). 3. You must find out your assumptions of the world (world view).

Summary of the part two is "Fear the Lord, you saints, for those who fear him lack nothing" Psalm 34:9. Welch stress that our greatest need is not psychological nor biological but spiritual. Our deepest needs are not psychological deficits like love, meaning and longing for significance that must be filled as being passive empty-cups before others, but God be acknowledged and be worshiped in our daily lives. God has given us fear nature and man and woman must fear. The way to get rid of the fear of man is not following the `no fear' motto or challenging our fears by joining the show `Fear Factor' TV Show since they are the results of focusing on self not God but changing our fear from man to God, which he calls this `Growing in the fear of the Lord'.

The book is superb in its assessment and solution to the fear of man; it is through in its sphere of discussion and it is simple in its communication of the life-changing message.