When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents [Paperback]

Jim Comer (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 15, 2006

After his father suffered a massive stroke and his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Jim Comer found himself an overnight "parent" at the age of 51. When he walked into his father's hospital room everyone looked to him as the “man who knew all the answers.” He soon realized he didn't even know the questions.

In ten years of caregiving, Comer has not only learned the questions he has lived them, and with When Roles Reverse he shares his hard-won answers.

He learned to deal with hospitals, insurance companies, rehab centers, his father's deafness and his mother’s dementia. Through it all Jim has kept his sanity and sense of humor, in the process forging a deeper, more intimate relationship with his parents.

With laugh-out-loud humor, Jim deals with improvisational moments for which there is no preparation:

You find three gallons of Scotch in your dad’s retirement home closet;

Your Mother refuses to leave her home of 34 years and can only be coaxed into the car with promises of ice cream;

At a crowded Sunday dinner table, your father announces that he wants you to give him an enema after lunch . . .

And offers personal experience and expert insight on the many issues it’s absolutely essential to plan for such as:

Wills, powers of attorney, and other legal documents every family needs

Which siblings will be there when your parents need them?

Selecting a first-rate care facility and getting long-term care insurance

New Medicaid guidelines and how to qualify

Hospice care and end-of-life decisions

When Roles Reverse even includes "Fifty Questions that will save you Time, Money, and Tears," a special section designed to help families initiate vital communication and prepare for the crises, confusion and unexpected joys of caregiving.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Comer tells it like it is. If about to become a caregiver, read this book to get a good look. -- Caregiving News, November 30, 2006

In ten years of caregiving, Jim has lived the questions and learned the answers. -- Women's Radio, Kathryn Price

Practical and compassionate account of one man's experience with his parents. -- Texas Co-op Power, January 2007

Provides important differences not covered in competing titles. Author's first-person experiences blend with humor to provide insights on real-life scenarios. -- California Bookwatch

The need for deeper intimacy lies at the heart...Chronicle of Comer's 10 years as caregiver to both of his parents. -- Energy Times, November/December 2006

[Comer's] goal is to help caregivers make informed decisions, avoid disasters and face facts. -- ForeWord, July/August 2006

From the Publisher

The answers you need--the personal, "been there" advice you can trust

After his father suffered a massive stroke and his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Jim Comer found himself an overnight "parent" at the age of 51. When he walked into his father's hospital room everyone looked to him as the "man who knew all the answers." He soon realized he didn't even know the questions.

In ten years of caregiving, Comer has not only learned the questions he has lived them, and with When Roles Reverse he shares his hard-won answers.

He learned to deal with hospitals, insurance companies, rehab centers, his father's deafness and his mother's dementia. Through it all Jim has kept his sanity and sense of humor, in the process forging a deeper, more intimate relationship with his parents.

With laugh-out-loud humor, Jim deals with improvisational moments for which there is no preparation:

You find three gallons of Scotch in your dad's retirement home closet; Your Mother refuses to leave her home of 34 years and can only be coaxed into the car with promises of ice cream; At a crowded Sunday dinner table, your father announces that he wants you to give him an enema after lunch.... And offers personal experience and expert insight on the many issues it's absolutely essential to plan for such as:

Wills, powers of attorney, and other legal documents every family needs Which siblings will be there when your parents need them? Selecting first-rate care facility and getting long-term care insurance New Medicaid guidelines and how to qualify Hospice care and end-of-life decisions

When Roles Reverse even includes "Fifty Questions that will save you Time, Money, and Tears," a special section designed to help families initiate vital communication and prepare for the crises, confusion and unexpected joys of caregiving.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 328 pages
• Publisher: Hampton Roads Publishing; 1 edition (August 15, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1571745009
• ISBN-13: 978-1571745002
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #563,613 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Gripping Narrative and a Great Resource, November 9, 2006

By 

Peter K. Sampson "Philips Lifeline Caregiving... - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents (Paperback)

This book is a first-person account of Jim Comer's 10-year involvement in his parents' care (the first half of the book) together with a well-organized summary of care resources and expert opinion (the second half).

As is so often the case for caregivers, Comer's odyssey began with a telephone call. His mother was Alzheimer's-stricken, and his father had been the caregiver. When his father had a stroke, everything in Comer's life changed at once. He quit his job in California and moved back to Texas to take on the job of parenting his parents. He soon learned that this involved making almost every decision about every aspect of his parents' lives--medical, legal, financial, practical, personal, social, and psychological. Comer had no parenting experience of any kind, and he had to learn fast.

One especially nice thing about the book is that it addresses the emotional dimension of caring for parents and does a good job of capturing what it's like to parent your parents. Actually, I'll go farther than that, because I had to parent my parents. Comer nails it. It's a good read.

If you need a crash course in parenting parents, however, skip the narrative and go straight to Chapter 23: Fifty Questions That Will Save You Time, Money, and Tears. You'll find you haven't even thought of many of these questions and don't know the answers to most of them. You need to get the answers, and sooner will be better than later.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Recommended!, January 28, 2007

By 

B. Skipper (Texas) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents (Paperback)

I would highly recommend this book to anyone finding themselves caring for or making decisions for the care of a parent. This book provides guidance not only from the author's personal experiences but also from professionals in the field. While the subject of the book is serious, it also helps all of us see the humor and love in difficult situations. While reading the book, I could not put it down. After reading the book, I no longer felt alone on this journey. If you only read one book on this topic...this is the one!

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents, January 3, 2007

By 

Linda K. Osborne (Austin, TX) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents (Paperback)

This is a book that got my attention as well as my parents attention! We read it a few times, sat down and within two weeks had completed appointments with an Elder Law Attorney to get all of our required documents in order. We had Wills and Power of Attorney but the education in this book made us realize we hadn't done enough and that some of what we'd done needed updating.

Great book that I've given to eight other friends who have given it to their friends. It is a "gift" to have received this from a colleague at my office who knows Jim Comer and who knows there are several of us with parents needs care.