Customer Reviews

When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents

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This book is a first-person account of Jim Comer's 10-year involvement in his parents' care (the first half of the book) together with a well-organized summary of care resources and expert opinion (the second half).

As is so often the case for caregivers, Comer's odyssey began with a telephone call. His mother was Alzheimer's-stricken, and his father had been the caregiver. When his father had a stroke, everything in Comer's life changed at once. He quit his job in California and moved back to Texas to take on the job of parenting his parents. He soon learned that this involved making almost every decision about every aspect of his parents' lives--medical, legal, financial, practical, personal, social, and psychological. Comer had no parenting experience of any kind, and he had to learn fast.

One especially nice thing about the book is that it addresses the emotional dimension of caring for parents and does a good job of capturing what it's like to parent your parents. Actually, I'll go farther than that, because I had to parent my parents. Comer nails it. It's a good read.

If you need a crash course in parenting parents, however, skip the narrative and go straight to Chapter 23: Fifty Questions That Will Save You Time, Money, and Tears. You'll find you haven't even thought of many of these questions and don't know the answers to most of them. You need to get the answers, and sooner will be better than later.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone finding themselves caring for or making decisions for the care of a parent. This book provides guidance not only from the author's personal experiences but also from professionals in the field. While the subject of the book is serious, it also helps all of us see the humor and love in difficult situations. While reading the book, I could not put it down. After reading the book, I no longer felt alone on this journey. If you only read one book on this topic...this is the one!

This is a book that got my attention as well as my parents attention! We read it a few times, sat down and within two weeks had completed appointments with an Elder Law Attorney to get all of our required documents in order. We had Wills and Power of Attorney but the education in this book made us realize we hadn't done enough and that some of what we'd done needed updating.

Great book that I've given to eight other friends who have given it to their friends. It is a "gift" to have received this from a colleague at my office who knows Jim Comer and who knows there are several of us with parents needs care.

WHEN ROLES REVERSE: A GUIDE TO PARENTING YOUR PARENTS joins others on the subject, but provides many important insights and differences not covered in competing titles. Public libraries in particular will find this a specific, top pick: it surveys everything from legal considerations and optins for acting on parens' behalf to handling dementia, hospital interactions, care team meetings and more. The author's first-person experiences blend with humor - such as what to do when finding 3 gallons of Scotch in a parent's retirement home closet - to provide insights on real-life scenarios.

Diane C. Donovan
California Bookwatch

With a huge segment of the population facing the dilemma of how to care for
an aging parent, Jim Comer has provided a timely and invaluable resource.
Written with humor and compassion, When Roles Reverse is both a compelling
memoir and an indispensable "how to." It answers the questions no one wants
to face, offers support for those who fear making life-altering decisions,
and provides essential guidance on where to find information and
assistance. I only wish this book had been available ten years ago so
that I could have turned to it for help with my own family situation.

Superb advice for what is inevitable for many children ... taking care of the well-being of aging parents when, just as the title suggests, it's your turn to be the caretaker. I personally have benefitted from Jim Comer's insight and professional advice, as have several friends who also purchased the book after my comments to them. It helps EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, and you'll find yourself going back to it time and time again during the process.

While this book is written from the viewpoint of the child, it is vitally important for parents to read it as well. My husband and I began years ago to accumulate the kind of documents we need, but after reading the book I know that we have much more to do. At our church we have a "Keeping On" group for older people who are concerned about their futures. One of our members suggested that it would be a good idea to send each of our children a copy of this book. I resisted the notion, thinking that they would take the gesture as a plea for help and a sign that we were about to become a burden to them. Having read the book, I have changed my mind. I'm going to send each of the children a copy of the questionnaire in the middle of the book, filled out with all the information we have accumulated so far and will invite their input. Whether or not I will send copies of the book later is not certain at this point, but it's certainly an option.

A MUST read for anyone whose parents are nearing retirement or older. Jim Comer shares his own heart-warming and sometimes heart-breaking experiences caring for his parents. I can't express how important the information is in this book to help prepare you not only for the care your parents may need but, to make us all think about ourselve as we age. As he advises, don't wait for a crisis to force you into a situation for which you are unprepared - read his book!

My parents are 85 and 86; still live on their own. I am glad I read this book before they need constant care or before their death. A good read and very helpful.

I received a review copy of "When Roles Reverse" shortly before it was released in 2006; Jim and I were talking about how he might market his book. At that time, everyone in our extended family was healthy: The book seemed as if it was written "for someone else." I read it, absorbed most of the content, and then set it in our library.

About a month ago, as my father-in-law's condition was slowly worsening, my wife saw the book on the shelf and picked it up. Yesterday, my father-in-law passed away.

This book was a god-send. It helped my wife prepare--even at a time when we thought we had a lots of time--and provided clear, compassionate, insightful guidance, right down to specifics of comforting her mother, how to navigate the details of final arrangements, and a lot more.

Jim, my most sincere 'thank you' for your thoughtfulness in writing this, and for sharing what you have learned with the rest of us.

I highly recommend this book, especially if (like me) you don't think you need it.