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When I Say No, I Feel Guilty Mass Market Paperback – January 1, 1985


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Mass Market Paperback, January 1, 1985
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--This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Frequently Bought Together

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty + The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships + Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (9th Edition)
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Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback
  • Publisher: Bantam (January 1, 1985)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0553251961
  • ISBN-13: 978-0553251968
  • Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 4.2 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (158 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,849,126 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

The best-seller that helps you say: "I just said 'no' and I don't feel guilty!" Are you letting your kids get away with murder? Are you allowing your mother-in-law to impose her will on you? Are you embarrassed by praise or crushed by criticism? Are you having trouble coping with people? Learn the answers in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, the best-seller with revolutionary new techniques for getting your own way. --This text refers to an alternate Mass Market Paperback edition.

From the Inside Flap

The best-seller that helps you say: "I just said 'no' and I don't feel guilty!"  Are you letting your kids get away with murder?  Are you allowing your mother-in-law to impose her will on you?  Are you embarrassed by praise or crushed by criticism?  Are you having trouble coping with people?  Learn the answers in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty,  the best-seller with revolutionary new techniques for getting your own way. --This text refers to an alternate Mass Market Paperback edition.

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Customer Reviews

This book explains how to be assertive in many situations.
Ashlee
And it explains assertiveness as the act of firmly asking for what you want without feeling guilty and without making others feel guilty.
Stephan Branczyk
This book was an easy read, and gave lots of examples of using the techniques for being assertive in everyday situations.
Lynn Williams

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

118 of 122 people found the following review helpful By Phil on December 26, 2001
Format: Mass Market Paperback
While based on solid theory, this book teaches practical skills that you can use immediately. You'll find yourself comfortably using some techniques well before you even finish the book.
This book impressed me when I first read it 25 years ago. And it has stood the test of time: I felt amazed at how much more useful the techniques seemed when I reread it recently.
A couple of points deserve emphasis:
1. In addition to teaching you how to say "no" without feeling guilty, the author masterfully teaches you simple, powerful techniques for keeping your cool while you're under attack.
2. This book plays an important role in the set of cognitive, emotive, and behavioral skills taught by psychologists such as Albert Ellis and David Burns. While books such as "A New Guide to Rational Living" (Ellis) and "The Feeling Good Handbook" (Burns) contain tools that address a far wider range of problems, Smith's methods work far more rapidly, easily, and consistently for the challenges that this book addresses.
I strongly recommend this book for anyone wanting to quickly and easily learn to (i) say "no" without feeling guilty and/or (ii) react coolly to attacks by others.
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93 of 95 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 12, 1999
Format: Mass Market Paperback
Many years have passed since I first bought and read Dr. Smith's revolutionary book. I have never found any techniques so universally applicable for dealing with people who don't care about fairness or my feelings. I have successfully used the broken record and fogging techniques to deal with manipulative relatives who want to tell me what to do "to help me" and self-disclosure and the broken record to convince store employees to accept back defective merchandise even if their store policy "doesn't allow" them to do this! This book taught me how to stand up for myself and stop trying to solve everyone else's problems (the store's agreement with a manufacturer or distributor)and focus on getting what I have paid for. I am smiling as I write this because I have just returned from a trip to a major toy retailer whose store manager refused to take back a defective stroller "because you don't have the box." Needless to say, after using Dr. Smith's methods, the manager gave me full credit on my credit card within fifteen minutes. I never needed to become unpleasant or raise my voice. Dr. Smith should be cannonized by the "doormats" of the world. You will be doing yourself a favor if you buy this book!
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80 of 82 people found the following review helpful By doctor_beth #1 HALL OF FAMETOP 50 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on July 29, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I am a psychologist working in a college counseling center, and this is the number one book on assertiveness that I recommend to my clients. Dr. Smith begins by describing "Your 10 Assertive Rights," a reminder that we all have a right do such human things as say "I don't know" and change our minds. He then introduces various assertiveness strategies one by one, starting with the very basic skill of persistence (AKA the "broken record" technique). For each strategy, Dr. Smith presents a short dialogue vignette to help you better understand how to apply that technique to real life. Once he has thoroughly taught all of the individual techniques, Dr. Smith puts them all together and addresses assertiveness in different types of situations--ie, with your family members versus with your boss. This is a great book for anyone who is tired of not being able to say "no" and ready to learn how to change their behavior.
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44 of 44 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on October 28, 1999
Format: Mass Market Paperback
Back in August 1979,the beginning of my senior year of high school,one of my brothers came to visit Mom and me.This brother is 9 years older than me,and he watched as most of the adults in my life slowly squeezed "me" out of me.I was the "perfect" young woman;cooked,cleaned,fetched, and carried for my older relatives.I dressed the way I was told(the way that they thought I should),behaved the way I was told(demure,and "ladylike"),and lived to their standards.If I ever behaved the way I really wanted to(free),the litany would start--"After all we've given up for you-how you hurt us...etc.".My brother saw through the guilt trip I was on,and when he brought me to live with him,he made me read'When I say NO,I feel guilty'.Well, no more!This book taught me that I can say"No thank you",and feel powerful because I am in control of my feelings and actions.Now, no one can 'make' me feel anything unless I want to! How free is that?!
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25 of 25 people found the following review helpful By Stephan Branczyk on January 22, 2003
Format: Mass Market Paperback
This is the best self-help book I have ever read. The title may or may not apply to you, but nevertheless, the insights contained within can be valuable and practical to just about anyone.
This book explains assertiveness and manipulation in opposition of each other. It explains manipulation as the act of indirectly asking for what you want by making others feel guilty. And it explains assertiveness as the act of firmly asking for what you want without feeling guilty and without making others feel guilty.
It gives examples of transcripts throughout the book. And the main technique is so simple ("fogging" and refusing the implied guilt) -- it's been very easy to apply in real life.
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28 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Ram Sambamurthy on October 13, 2005
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I read this book 25 years ago. I used to do things for people that I didn't want to do...until I read this book. It changed me instantly. I put all the techniques to work and it really really worked for me.

So why am I here after 25 years writing a review? Of course, apart from the fact that Amazon.com didn't exist then, I visited Amazon to get hold of the ISBN number for the book. One of my programmers, a very shy soft spoken person, was getting bullied by a fellow programmer. The first thing that came to my mind was the book; the book has made such an impact on me that till today I remember the title and author's name without a typo.

If you want to stop doing things you don't want to do, then read this book...I don't care if there are any reviews for this book that are not so good, but just buy the book and find out for yourself. Money well spent....
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