Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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50 of 52 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Potentially the Best Marriage Book I've Read, July 27, 2007
A person does not have to be married for long to realize that marriage is a lot more difficult than it may seem. Certainly it is a lot more difficult than God intended for it to be. With the fall into sin came the rise of the self, with the loss of perfection came the dominance of sin. Even the best marriages are now tainted by sin, by selfishness, by a distinct lack of love. Every marriage represents the joining of two sinners. Though they love each other, they fight constantly to love each other as much as they know they should.
While the shelves at bookstores, both Christian and mainstream, are groaning under the weight of books dealing with marriage, few of these books offer assistance with the root of all of the problems we encounter in our relationships. Few of them get to the heart of the matter, looking deep into the human heart and prescribing the biblical cure. Into this void steps Dave Harvey with his book When Sinners Say "I Do,", a book that is justly garnering much positive attention. C.J. Mahaney says it "provides clarity in conflict, hope in despair, and points the way to a joy-filled, God glorifying marriage." Jerry Bridges says it "will be helpful for any married couple whether they've been married five weeks or fifty years." And Randy Alcorn calls it "a wonderful book" that is "honest, refreshing, practical, and above all biblical." What has inspired these glowing endorsements is the book's focus on the harsh reality of sin and the beautiful reality of grace.
When Sinners Say "I Do" is a book that focuses a lot of attention on sin. In fact, the first half of the book focuses predominantly on this topic. This may seem unnecessary to some and even depressing to others, but to ignore sin is to ignore one of the greatest human realities. "My friends," writes Harvey, "when sin becomes bitter, marriage becomes sweet." And so he writes about sin and grace in order to promote enjoyable, God-glorifying marriages. This is not a how-to book or a step-by-step to a happy marriage. It does not offer ancient secrets or knowledge that has until now been hidden. Rather, it simply offers the Bible's realistic take on the reality of human sin and the power of the gospel to build and sustain healthy, happy, marriages that honor and glorify God.
I can't say it better than Paul David Tripp. In the book's foreword he writes, "This book grasps at the core drama of every married couple. This drama is no respecter of race, ethnic origin, location, or period of history. It is the one thing that explains the doom and hope of every human relationship. It is the theme that is on every page of this book in some way. What is this drama? It is the drama of sin and grace." Harvey deals frankly, honestly and unrelentingly with sin and on the basis of that foundation allows grace to shine in all its beauty. Though every marriage for all time will be the union of two sinners, God is good to grant grace that we can have relationships that are strong, vibrant and that bring glory to God.
Piercing in its description of sin and unrelenting in pursuing sin to the deepest recesses of our hearts (and thus, of our relationships), When Sinners Say "I Do" is a most welcome contribution in a busy marketplace. I would unhesitatingly recommend this book to any couple and, indeed, to any single person as well. It is one of the best books on marriage and relationships that I have had the privilege of reading. We all need to see our sinner as bitter so that grace can be sweet. This book's biblical focus will bring both sin and the Savior into clear focus, helping us to build strong relationships centered upon Christ for His glory.
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33 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Hope-Filled and Gospel-Centered Book, July 5, 2007
As Dave writes: "If you are married, or soon to be married, you are discovering that your marriage is not a romance novel. Marriage is the union of two people who arrive toting the luggage of life. And that luggage always contains sin."
Sin, sin, sin. Does this sound like it would be a dreary book? Well, the good news is that it is not! Dave brings a humorous and light touch to a heavy subject, creating a winsome and appealing approach to an important topic. Dave spends the first four chapters addressing the doctrine of sin and why we need to have a healthy suspicion of our own hearts and motives before seeking to address the hearts and motives of others. But some of the greatest "gold," in my opinion, is found in chapters five and six, when Dave addresses mercy and forgiveness. The last two chapters will be a surprise to most people. The second to last is titled "Concerning Sex." But it's not a chapter that unmarried people have to skip. It simply addresses how sex in marriage should be a grand adventure, and then examines the selfish, sinful reasons that hinder the joy of married sex. The final chapter is poignantly sweet. It is titled "When Sinners Say Goodbye," and it is subtitled "Time, Aging, and Our Glorious Hope." Referring to the truth of our daily outward decline but inward spiritual renewal (2 Corinthians 4:16), Dave writes:
"A maturing marriage is one that sees all the way to the finish line and beyond. As married Christians, God bestows upon us the extraordinary honor of nurturing and celebrating the inner renewal while also caring for the outer decay. It's an adventure in irony, made possible by the gospel, the only real treasure in our brittle jars of clay. Not every married Christian sees this clearly. But joy awaits those who do."
Highly recommended!
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31 of 37 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Disappointing and confusing, December 29, 2007
This book disappointed me. It discusses the general doctrine of sin, but provides few specific applications to marriage. My disappointment with the book may be due to the fact that the author cites dozens of Bible verses, but never references any of the numerous passages in the Bible on marriage! If you're writing a book on a topic that the Bible directly addresses, shouldn't your analysis incorporate the specific passages about your topic?
The book makes two points. First, spouses should acknowledge that they are sinners. Second, spouses should act as surgeons who point out sin in each others lives because `marriage becomes sweet when spouses, recognizing that each one will probably need corrective surgery from time to time, give one another permission to wield the scalpel as needed.' With respect to the first point, I didn't find the book to be particularly helpful. I know I'm a sinner! What I look for in a Christian marriage book is a Biblical analysis of marital dynamics that pierces my deceitful heart with insight into how I sin against my husband. There is no such analysis in this book.
With respect to the second point, I found the book to be confusing. I had trouble reconciling the author's arguments with my understanding of Biblical texts on marriage. How is the `spouse as surgeon' consistent with Bible passages emphasizing that each spouse is to focus on his or her own behavior? In my own marriage, I've found that the best way to bring my husband under conviction about his contribution to a marital problem is to freely acknowledge my own sin. I don't seek forgiveness from my husband to bring him under conviction. Rather, I am to examine my own behavior and confess my sin because God me commands to do so. But, a marvelous byproduct is my husband's increased willingness to examine his behavior. At times, it almost sounded as if the author was arguing that a spouse should assume the role of the Holy Spirit. Finally, when presenting the `spouse as surgeon' model, the author makes no gender distinctions. How, for example, is the `spouse as surgeon' to be reconciled with I Peter 3:2, which encourages wives to influence sinning husbands `without a word' by `chaste and respectful behavior'?
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