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When Sinners Say I Do: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage Audio Book CD

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A person does not have to be married for long to realize that marriage is a lot more difficult than it may seem. Certainly it is a lot more difficult than God intended for it to be. With the fall into sin came the rise of the self, with the loss of perfection came the dominance of sin. Even the best marriages are now tainted by sin, by selfishness, by a distinct lack of love. Every marriage represents the joining of two sinners. Though they love each other, they fight constantly to love each other as much as they know they should.

While the shelves at bookstores, both Christian and mainstream, are groaning under the weight of books dealing with marriage, few of these books offer assistance with the root of all of the problems we encounter in our relationships. Few of them get to the heart of the matter, looking deep into the human heart and prescribing the biblical cure. Into this void steps Dave Harvey with his book When Sinners Say "I Do,", a book that is justly garnering much positive attention. C.J. Mahaney says it "provides clarity in conflict, hope in despair, and points the way to a joy-filled, God glorifying marriage." Jerry Bridges says it "will be helpful for any married couple whether they've been married five weeks or fifty years." And Randy Alcorn calls it "a wonderful book" that is "honest, refreshing, practical, and above all biblical." What has inspired these glowing endorsements is the book's focus on the harsh reality of sin and the beautiful reality of grace.

When Sinners Say "I Do" is a book that focuses a lot of attention on sin. In fact, the first half of the book focuses predominantly on this topic. This may seem unnecessary to some and even depressing to others, but to ignore sin is to ignore one of the greatest human realities. "My friends," writes Harvey, "when sin becomes bitter, marriage becomes sweet." And so he writes about sin and grace in order to promote enjoyable, God-glorifying marriages. This is not a how-to book or a step-by-step to a happy marriage. It does not offer ancient secrets or knowledge that has until now been hidden. Rather, it simply offers the Bible's realistic take on the reality of human sin and the power of the gospel to build and sustain healthy, happy, marriages that honor and glorify God.

I can't say it better than Paul David Tripp. In the book's foreword he writes, "This book grasps at the core drama of every married couple. This drama is no respecter of race, ethnic origin, location, or period of history. It is the one thing that explains the doom and hope of every human relationship. It is the theme that is on every page of this book in some way. What is this drama? It is the drama of sin and grace." Harvey deals frankly, honestly and unrelentingly with sin and on the basis of that foundation allows grace to shine in all its beauty. Though every marriage for all time will be the union of two sinners, God is good to grant grace that we can have relationships that are strong, vibrant and that bring glory to God.

Piercing in its description of sin and unrelenting in pursuing sin to the deepest recesses of our hearts (and thus, of our relationships), When Sinners Say "I Do" is a most welcome contribution in a busy marketplace. I would unhesitatingly recommend this book to any couple and, indeed, to any single person as well. It is one of the best books on marriage and relationships that I have had the privilege of reading. We all need to see our sinner as bitter so that grace can be sweet. This book's biblical focus will bring both sin and the Savior into clear focus, helping us to build strong relationships centered upon Christ for His glory.

As Dave writes: "If you are married, or soon to be married, you are discovering that your marriage is not a romance novel. Marriage is the union of two people who arrive toting the luggage of life. And that luggage always contains sin."

Sin, sin, sin. Does this sound like it would be a dreary book? Well, the good news is that it is not! Dave brings a humorous and light touch to a heavy subject, creating a winsome and appealing approach to an important topic. Dave spends the first four chapters addressing the doctrine of sin and why we need to have a healthy suspicion of our own hearts and motives before seeking to address the hearts and motives of others. But some of the greatest "gold," in my opinion, is found in chapters five and six, when Dave addresses mercy and forgiveness. The last two chapters will be a surprise to most people. The second to last is titled "Concerning Sex." But it's not a chapter that unmarried people have to skip. It simply addresses how sex in marriage should be a grand adventure, and then examines the selfish, sinful reasons that hinder the joy of married sex. The final chapter is poignantly sweet. It is titled "When Sinners Say Goodbye," and it is subtitled "Time, Aging, and Our Glorious Hope." Referring to the truth of our daily outward decline but inward spiritual renewal (2 Corinthians 4:16), Dave writes:

"A maturing marriage is one that sees all the way to the finish line and beyond. As married Christians, God bestows upon us the extraordinary honor of nurturing and celebrating the inner renewal while also caring for the outer decay. It's an adventure in irony, made possible by the gospel, the only real treasure in our brittle jars of clay. Not every married Christian sees this clearly. But joy awaits those who do."

Highly recommended!

Harvey calls his book, "Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage," and that's exactly what his book is for, whether you're a newlywed or have been a couple for years, Harvey's book is applicable to all. Harvey includes not only biblical quotes, but also Shakespeare, and other theologian's quotations. Filled with snippets of Harvey's own life and marriage, he also quotes other couple's marriages and how we are all sinners and how that sin can get in the way of treating our spouse in a respectful, loving fashion as God would have wanted us to do.

Mercy is a real aspect of Jesus and as He stated, "When you can extend mercy to the spiteful, violent, selfish and wicked, you can extend it to those who annoy, ignore, or disappoint you." This is a book that is not only applicable to married couples, but to all of our relationships, to our families and friends and how we interact with them. Are we going to show mercy to someone that has upset us? And is that person really upsetting us, or are we letting that person control our feelings because in our hearts we are sinners first and foremost.

When you realize that you're a sinner you can be a better spouse, parent, friend, and a happier person. Anything that we do that isn't filled with sin is the grace of God at work. As Harvey says, "God wants Christians to delight in marriage. And He has made provision in the gospel to do so. But we can't truly understand the gospel, or even the basic problems of every marriage, until we come to terms with the undeniable reality of sin. Men and women (and me!) find real hope and help when we realize that God uses marriage to reveal the heart and change the soul. This discovery process is an adventure that lasts until death do us part." Real Christian advice that can have a grave difference in your life.

Armchair Interviews says: A real wake-up call that can change your life put in easy to understand language.

If showing grace and forgiveness in marriage is still a new idea for you, then this book may be just right. However, if you're looking for a fresh, deeper level on a familiar but important topic, you ought to keep looking. Very important and valuable lesson, worthy of a long discussion, but not everyone will want to read this long book on a simple (but profound) idea. Thoroughly biblical and probably good for most young Christians.

As a licensed counselor, I have read more than my share of books on managing emotions and relationships. Unfortunately they are all the same. Sure they each have a slightly different take. Some even include their own unique Venn diagrams of emotional issues and how they relate to physical boundaries. Even the Christian books simply take what everyone else has already done and add a dash of Scripture, especially the latter part of Ephesians for flavor.

So when a friend told me that she had read a fantastic book on marriage, I have to admit I had a generous level of skepticism. I trust her judgment so thought to myself, "What's the harm?" Perceiving my reservation, she sat me down and read a few pages from the first chapter. My curiosity sparked, I graciously borrowed her copy.


MARRIAGE: POWERED BY THE GOSPEL

In his book When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage, Dave Harvey essentially redefines marriage for Christians. It has often been said that there is so much planning that goes into the wedding itself, that new couples often forget about everything after the honeymoon. Even the most diligent of Christian couples who want to follow every piece of advice do their premarital counseling, get to know each others' parents, and may even ask their blessing.

Captivated by the vision they are starring at, it is easy for the bride and groom to completely miss when the minister says, "What God had joined together, let no man separate."

Wait, what God had joined together? Did they not decide to get married?

The Bible is very clear, that the sanctity of marriage is the way that marriage draws us to Him. It is no accident that marriage is what Scripture uses as an image of Christ's relationship with the Church. Ephesians 5 lays it out clearly that as Christ gave his life for the Church, husbands should love their wives with a self-sacrificing love. As the Church submits to the authority of Christ, so women are called to submit to the authority of their husbands. The Bible is obviously not politically correct in this position, but there is a beauty of the partnership.

A POWERFUL REALITY

But let's not stop there. In a bold and challenging sweep of language and biblical reference, Dave Harvey takes this image even further. He acknowledges something that we too often forget in marriage: both of us are sinners in need of grace. Sharing their first dance as a married couple, what wife wants to gaze into the eyes of this man of hers and think that he will never complete her like Renee Zellweger apparently does for Tom Cruise? Carrying her over the threshold, what man wants to really think that this woman is a wretched sinner?

Yet it is this very truth that, when neglected, can cause irreparable damage. The truth is that neither person can be everything to the other. Neither the bride nor the groom will ever be perfect. If it is God who has indeed joined these two people together, it is God and God alone who will be able to keep them together. It is the ugliness of their sin, that when acknowledged, can open the doors and windows to the awesome power of the Gospel that has already redeemed each individually, but which now has the power to sanctify the marriage itself.

Embracing one another as sinners means that we can lovingly lavish grace and mercy on one another. Taking hold of our own depravity means that we can see the our spouse as someone in need of the Gospel, someone to whom we have the honor and privilege of preaching the good news. We have the pleasure of pointing our loved one to the One who does complete us. It is here that the imputed love of God becomes the love we share for our spouse that "no man [can] separate."

and I can't be more thankful for the way the Lord used Dave Harvey to pen such bold truth.

Harvey has brilliantly published a book on biblical theology and the Cross-centered Gospel under the guise of marriage. He basically follows the example of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:22-33. The majority of people read that passage and think it's about marriage first and foremost, but when one takes a step back and they read it Theo/Christocentrically, they'll find that the passage is actually more about Christ and the Gospel than it is about marriage! Marriage is simply one manner in which Believers are called to "be imitators of God" (Eph. 5:1) and live by the power of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18).

So that when the Ephesians passage is written with Christ front and center, and all together glorious, then our marriages take the humble backseat to the blazing center of God's glory as displayed in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Thereafter, Paul teaches us that honoring our parents, parenting our children, and our lives in the workplace need to be theologically contextualized and lived out practically to the reflection of Christ, by the power of the Spirit, and to the glory and honor of God!

I appreciate Harvey continually placing before the reader that we need to think theologically about our marriages. And when we do, the Most High and transcendent God consumes our man-centered ideas of the "wife needing love" and the "husband needing respect..." Harvey moves us from thinking needs-centered to Gospel-centered.

I'm especially thankful to Tedd Tripp who, while at a conference back in the summer of 2007 in Modesto, CA handed me a free copy of "When Sinners Say I Do."

Dave Harvey begins the book by making sure that you understand the doctrine of sin...the root of which is that you recognize that you are a sinner. Recognizing that both members of any marriage are sinners, have always been sinners, and forever will be sinners is a key place to start. Far too often we recognize that proposition (both spouses are sinners) to be a true theoretically true statement, but practically we act as if the other is the greater sinner. Harvey flips this on its head: I must go into marriage (indeed, into all relationships, recognizing that I am the worst sinner that I know).

Then, after recognizing sin, we can see the solution to sin: The gospel of the free grace of God, a gospel that saves from sin, but also a gospel that provides the power for ongoing forgiveness of sin and power over sin.

The bulk of the bulk is really just a primer on how to apply the gospel to various aspects of marriage. The book is far less a book on sin in marriage than it is on the grace of the gospel applied to marriage.

For this reason, ever since I first recommended this book, it is the first recommendation that I give to anybody looking for "marriage help". It is the first book I give to couples before they are married who are looking for a book to read together to prepare them for marriage. It would be the first book I give to a couple in a super healthy marriage. And it would be a book I would recommend to a single without even a potential mate who is trying to think rightly about dating and marriage.

Until we see the ravaging effects of sin on marriage - until I see the ravaging affects of MY sin on MY marriage - I won't recognize God's grace as the solution; I will be tempted to settle for the cheap fixes peddled in most other marriage books out there. My greatest problem isn't compatibility, lack of intimacy, or dulled romance; it is sin. And the solution is therefore first and foremost the gospel. Read this book to see how that fleshes itself out.

When you've finished this book, then I recommend you move onto the other best books on marriage I've read:
1. Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace
2. Feminine Appeal For women; Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know For men.

Harvey's book, dealing with marriage from a biblical perspective, is applicable to anyone who is in a relationship, romantic or platonic, with another human being. Dealing with the central issue that marriage is a relationship between two sinful beings, Harvey explains why marriage is so difficult, and why problems come up. And although his principles are designed to be applied in marriage, they can be easily applied to any friendship. For anyone who struggles with relationships, this book will alter your viewpoint.

This book was very convicting for my wife and me as it challenged us in our walk. I appreciated the author's honesty with the issues and it made it a lot more comfortable for my wife and I to discuss things. It seems as though it is easier to be Christlike to those we work with or friends we are around then it is in marriage. The author brings out the power of the gospel and how it should affect out marriage. If God made marriage easy what would we ever learn about the power of the gospel? What would we learn about true forgiveness? How would we ever learn to show grace? And most of all, what would we ever learn about humility? We are never more self-righteous than when we don't see ourselves as sinners. It is a lot easier to forgive someone we see once a week than someone see are with every day. It is a true statement that we don't realize how fleshly we are until we are married. In contrast, this book is very practical in bringing out how Christlike we can be in our marriage! Praise God for that! I believe there is no better testimony to the world and especially our children, than was is observed in our marriage. It is a real challenge for those in ministry who worry more about serving the church than they do about serving their spouse.

This book is amazing. it is the best book on marriage I have ever read. It is not only good for marriage relationships but ALL relationships. This book explains the gospel clearly and practically. I will read it over and over and recommend it to all I know getting married.