Customer Reviews

When the Tuna Went Down to Texas: How Bill Parcells Led the Cowboys Back to the Promised Land

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I live in Dallas, and I've followed the Cowboys for many, many years. I'm a big fan--and I loved reading this book. Why? Because it tells the truth, and even though the truth sometimes hurts, in this book it only hurts when your sides are aching from laughing so much. Shropshire, who is just about the funniest sports writer around--Don Imus called his earlier book Seasons in Hell "the single funniest sports book I have ever read"--doesn't pull any punches here. He lives in Dallas too, and he knows these guys. He gives us juicy behind-the-scenes anecdotes (how he got these I'll never know--must have had a mole in the Cowboys' locker room) as well as all the standard stuff, and Shropshire's style makes it a great read. AND FUNNY--if you can read the last sentence in this book (it's X-rated) and not smile and want to read the rest, you're a stronger man than I.

Let me preface this review by stating that I'm as die-hard a Dallas Cowboys fan as you'll ever meet on this Earth. I have read just about everything ever written about the Cowboys and their various coaches over the years. So naturally, I was very excited when I saw this book in the bookstore and immediately bought it. By the time I finished reading it three days later, I was very disappointed.

The author seems to be trying way too hard to sound like a good writer. His sentences are way too flowery, and he always goes for the 38-word description rather than the 3-word description. For example, in the chapter discussing the Cowboys' exciting overtime win against the Giants on Monday Night Football, rather than giving us a one-paragraph introduction briefly describing the emergence of MNF and then immediately segueing into a description of this particular MNF game, the author rambles on for 8 pages giving us way more detail on the early days of MNF than we could ever want. I was reading the book because I wanted to read about the 2003 Dallas Cowboys and Bill Parcells, not because I wanted a history lesson regarding how MNF came to be.

The author also makes a great deal of factual mistakes in the book that any die-hard fan (or maybe just one as obsessive about the Cowboys as I am) would pick up. For example, the writer informs his readers that the Cowboys of the 1990s won Super Bowls 29, 30, and 32, when in fact they won Super Bowls 27, 28, and 30. Also, he describes how Terrell Owens danced on the star at Texas Stadium, then came back the very next year to torch Dwayne Goodrich for the game-winning touchdown, when in fact Dallas got revenge on Owens the year after he danced on the star, beating the 49ers handily and holding Owens scoreless. The now-infamous "Campo-Coslet decide to punt, Dwayne Goodrich and Tony Dixon get torched" game was TWO year after the star incident, NOT the very next year. The Dallas Cowboys and all their fans took great pride in getting their revenge on Terrell Owens the year after the star incident, and this author denies that it even happened.

In general, the book is a collection of some "behind-the-scenes" stories that anyone who closely follows the Cowboys would already know, excerpts lifted from a MUCH better Bill Parcells book ("The Final Season"), and some all-too-brief recaps of the games played last year buried amongst pages and pages of trivial crap that the author threw in to make his writing sound more flowery.

Overall, this book is about two things that interest me greatly (the Dallas Cowboys and Bill Parcells), but this author manages to sap all the life out of it and write a book that is tedious for even the most die-hard fan. Where is the insider information? The information in this book could be obtained simply by going to the Cowboys' website. Where are all the witty Parcells coach-speak quips? Parcells is FAMOUS for hilarious remarks. Where are they? The only thing saving this book from a one-star or ZERO-star rating is that it's about the Dallas Cowboys. A better author would have produced a MUCH better book. I got the feeling that this author wrote this book without ever having an actual conversation with Bill Parcells. If you're a Bill Parcells fan, you'll prefer to read "The Final Season." It is actually written BY Bill Parcells and contains more of his wit and his wealth of football knowledge than this book does.

This book deserved a better author.

Being from New York and now living in Dallas I was glad when the Cowboys hired Bill Parcells. I knew he was a good coach and it made following the Cowboys, after three 5-11 seasons, a little bit more compelling. I had read and enjoyed Shropshire's Seasons in Hell (about the original Texas Rangers) and when this book came out I decided to give it a try. I hoped this book would be as good and I wasn't disappointed.

I think it is possibly the most entertaining sports book I have read. Parts of it are laugh out load hilarious. It is not "ground breaking" as Moneyball or Ball Four but it makes no pretensions to be. If you are a purist looking for an in depth scholarly study of the nuances of football coaching strategy, or a play by play recap of the 2003-2004 season there are probably better, more boring, books out there.

Read this book if you are a fan of football, Bill Parcells, the Cowboys or you want to have a good laugh. There are a lot of good behind the scenes stories about players, coaches, and owners here that you didn't read in the newspaper. The writing style is unique and if you read Seasons in Hell you know what I mean. I think it's a better read than Seasons because the subject matter is more topical.

This book has too many problems to be inducted into the Ring of Honor. Here are just a few. First, this book has unacceptable factual errors(see A. Keller's review). Second the author believes the season opener will make or break the season. The 1993 Dallas Cowboys(one of the top three teams of all time) lost their first two games of the season. Equally as great, the 1981 San Francisco 49ers lost their opener. The author must believe that Jerry Jones died at the Alamo. I don't see what he had to gain by criticizing Randy Galloway's(a frequent Jones critic) choice in the 1972 presidential election. Horrible foul.

Reading is often a solitary and silent pastime. Occasionally the solitude may be interrupted by a desire to share a humorous line with someone within earshot. Sometimes, the reader laughing out loud can break the silence generally present when reading. While reading WHEN THE TUNA WENT DOWN TO TEXAS: How Bill Parcells Led the Cowboys Back to the Promised Land, by Mike Shropshire, this reader had numerous moments of laughing out loud and savoring classic comments by the author in hopes of remembering those lines for future use.

In the mid-90s the Dallas Cowboys were a football juggernaut, destroying opponents on a weekly basis. Dynasties end for many reasons. To some degree the Cowboys' reign ended because new rules were put in place that limited the ability of franchises to string championship seasons together. Salary caps and free agency, now an essential part of the NFL player agreement, make it far more difficult for a team to build and maintain the foundation of players that allow a team to continually repeat winning seasons. But free agency and salary caps were not the only reasons for the downfall of the Cowboys. Several cracks in the foundation of the empire were self-inflicted. The story of the Cowboys' road to mediocrity began with a star player and two precious little hookers.

The star player was wide receiver Michael Irvin, whose liaison with working girls led to a felony drug possession charge. Even a celebrity such as Irvin faced danger in the Texas criminal justice system. As a former prosecutor in Dallas observed to Shropshire, "I don't really know the facts of this particular case, but if the prosecution can get a couple of Lutherans on the jury, then Irvin will get a maximum sentence." The criminal prosecution destroyed the franchise. Former Green Bay Packer star Jerry Kramer observed, "Whenever I see the Cowboys on TV, I don't know who to root for --- the defense or the prosecution. No, this will never be America's Team, if it is then woe for America."

The man in charge of the Cowboys during their trip from the top of the heap to the bottom was Jerry Jones, an Arkansas businessman described by many as coming across "like the banjo picker in Deliverance." Shropshire interviewed Jones for Sports Illustrated immediately after the purchase of the franchise and the two men shared grudging respect. Jones was actively involved in every aspect of running the Cowboys. If allowed by the NFL he would have considered coaching the team, but that wish was not to be approved. Instead, he hired coaches that he could control. As long as the Cowboys had great talent, total control was successful. But as the talent level of America's team declined, the need for an outstanding coach grew. Before the Parcells era would commence, Jones hired Dave Campo. As Shropshire observes, "the Dave Campo regime shortly became a living-color illustration of what happens when the Peter Principle collides head-on with Murphy's Law. Since Campo was universally hailed as a 'nice guy,' he could also serve as exhibit A to the Leo Durocher doctrine --- the one that mandates where nice guys will inevitably finish." After a losing season in 2002, Dave Campo was fired.

Enter Bill Parcells. Football fans were stunned. Sports Illustrated voiced the opinion of the country: "Are You Kidding Me?" But it was no joke. Jones gave Parcells full and free reign to run the team, and the future Hall of Fame inductee did not disappoint his owner. WHEN THE TUNA WENT DOWN TO TEXAS gives the football fanatic an outline for building or rebuilding a franchise. Start with a head coach who remembers every crucial play that cost him a game during his coaching career as well as the assistant coach who designed and called the play. When the opportunity presents itself, hire that innovative assistant coach for your new team. Next, find a few quality players as a foundation for the team. Parcells believed strongly in the "80-20" theory that goes with any successful organization. Under that rule, the 20 percent of the workforce that's the most talented always generates 80 percent of the positive results. For the woeful Cowboys, even that 20 percent was a difficult task.

Parcells persevered. Somehow he led the Cowboys to the playoffs in that first year. Shropshire chronicles the season, some games in detail, others in passing. Fanatical fans may find WHEN THE TUNA WENT DOWN TO TEXAS light on statistics and fantasy football minutiae. Most fans will enjoy this book for what it is: an irreverent and humorous look at the game of football and three of its icons --- a franchise, an owner and the Tuna.

--- Reviewed by Stuart Shiffman