When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life [Paperback]

Sandra Pertot (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 26, 2007

Do your partner's sexual needs, expectations, or desires vary widely from your own? While the differences between the two of you can be confusing and stressful, a break-up doesn't have to be imminent. Now, for the first time, When Your Sex Drives Don't Match introduces the ten libido types — from the emotionally intimate Sensual type to the physically passionate Erotic libido. Longtime sex therapist Dr. Sandra Pertot presents her groundbreaking, highly practical discoveries and insights about: How your libido types affect both you and your partner Quizzes and exercises to help pinpoint the basis of your concerns, and how to remedy them Rational ways for couples to understand, manage, and overcome sexual incompatibilities Understanding and overcoming the Cycle of Misunderstanding that causes so much conflict Tips on building and maintaining your intimate relationship. With clear, straightforward diagnostic tools and remedies, When Your Sex Drives Don't Match will help you and your partner identify, understand, and work through your problems for a mutually satisfying sex life.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A valuable resource for couples, individuals." -- Vivienne Cass,PhD, Clinical psychologist and sexual therapist, author of The Elusive Orgasm

About the Author

Sandra Pertot, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist with over thirty years of experience who specializes in problems of libido, particularly as they relate to couples. She has worked in a variety of clinical settings and has her own private practice. She is the author of Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido and has written for many publications in the US and Australia, including Woman's Day and Penthouse. Pertot lives in New South Wales, Australia.

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press (February 26, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1569242712
• ISBN-13: 978-1569242711
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 6.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #854,508 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This should be required reading, May 30, 2008

By 

J. Johnson "Highliner" (Idaho) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life (Paperback)

After over 30 years married to my wife and having a very good sex life, menopause has diminished her libido. In our search for information we came across this wonderful book. It explains in detail the different libido types and how effect the way we think and act. This was so spot-on that we could easily recognize ourselves and saw how we each see things through different lenses. It really cleared up some things that I have wondered about for years. I simply can't recommend this strongly enough for everyone, married or single - it should be required reading.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Great book as long as you're flexible, August 1, 2010

By 

Melissa Boone (New York, NY USA) - See all my reviews
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Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life (Kindle Edition)

Well, I think it's obvious why I bought the book, lol. I was interested in the types that she had to write about and the advice given for different types.

It's a good, straightforward book. The author gives an introduction (which is probably too long and a bit redundant at times) and then delves into her 10 libido types - Sensual, Erotic, Compulsive, Dependent, Stressed, Disinterested, Detached, Addictive, Entitled, and Reactive. As a credit to the book, I rattled those off from memory and the last time I picked it up was a day or two ago. She describes them also straightforwardly, and gives advice about 1) what to do if you are that particular type and 2) what to do if you think your partner is that type. Then she has a few chapters about the cycle of misunderstanding when sex problems arise in a relationship, and how to communicate with your partner so that they understand your sexual needs and you understand theirs.

I think the main thing to remember when reading books about "types" is that few people are going to fit narrowly and perfectly within a particular type. I mean, rarely is anyone going to look at, let's say, Erotic and say "THAT fits me perfectly!" Certain things will apply, and others won't. But if you read the types with an open mind and take pieces that are relevant to you, and the corresponding advice, you'll get a fuller experience from the book. Even the author mentions that people may identify primarily with two or even three of the types. Also, three of the types - Stressed, Disinterested, and Detached - are usually other types to begin with and then slide into one of those three types when something happens in their life to make them stressed, disinterested, or detached about/from sex. I like to think of those as secondary types - that you have a true sexual personality better described by one or two of the other 7 types but that this is what sometimes happens when you are unsatisfied for a long time.

I think her advice about communication is really good, though, especially when she likens it to differing personality types realizing that different things are important to them. Things I really like are that she stresses that none of the types is better than any others, they're all just different; and that there's no one "right" way of desiring sex or frequency of having sex. You begin to feel like wanting sex only once or twice a week is just as worthy as wanting it daily, and vice versa. If nothing else, the book should give you the confidence to say "Hey, I'm normal." Also, I enjoy that she's inclusive - she uses case studies in the book, and several of the case studies are gay and lesbian couples. She doesn't assume heterosexual relationships, she doesn't use exclusive gendered language, and she rarely makes stupid gendered assumptions about the nature of sexuality.

0 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good book, June 29, 2010

By 

gabrielle P - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life (Paperback)

this is a good book to better understand you and your spouse and your differences