When Your Friend's Child Dies: A Guide to Being a Thoughtful and Caring Friend [Paperback]

Julane Grant (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 20, 1998

A simply written, straight-forward book that will tell you what to say and do when you have a friend whose child has died. And, just as important, Chapter 1 tells you what not to say and why. An early reader described this book as a "slap-in-the-face wake-up call." After reading this book you will positively know how to comfort a parent who has lost a child, even ten years later. You won't have to memorize it; you will feel it. This book belongs in every household!

Editorial Reviews

From the Author

In the last 11 years I have lost my mother, my son and my father, in that order. Let me tell you, losing my parents was only a drop in the tear bucket compared to losing my child. Most people don't realize how many people they know who have lost a child. After a few years most parents don't bring it up, certainly not because they have forgotten, but because friends and acquaintances either become embarrassed or change the subject. And this hurts! This book was written for the friends and family of a grieving parent but it is also a validation of feelings for bereaved parents. I suggest they leave it on the coffee table for their friends to pick-up, borrow and learn from.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

From Please Listen: Even if you didn't know their child, let them know you would have liked to: "I wish I could have known your little girl. Could you bring pictures the next time we get together. She means so much to you and your heart is breaking. Since I am your friend, I would like for you to share her with me." You can do this even if it has been five, ten or fifty years since their daughter died.

From We're Strange: Don't talk to us about current events. At least in the first year, we can't watch the news. We don't want to hear about anybody dying. We don't want to worry about their family, when we can't comprehend our own tragedy. Nor can we stand to hear about earthquakes or tornadoes that have wiped out whole towns or villages. This just makes us feel guilty when we have only lost a single child. And by the way don't tell us how lucky we are not to have been hit by those disasters; that we could be worse off than we are.

Product Details

• Paperback: 80 pages
• Publisher: Angel Hugs Pub (November 20, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0966665503
• ISBN-13: 978-0966665505
• Product Dimensions: 6.6 x 3.8 x 0.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #193,631 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #13 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > General
  • #16 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Death & Grief > General
  • #20 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Death & Grief > Grief & Bereavement

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Right-on advice to helping a friend cope with childloss, October 16, 2000

By 

S. E. Duncan (Houston, TX United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: When Your Friend's Child Dies: A Guide to Being a Thoughtful and Caring Friend (Paperback)

This little book has packed within its pages, marvelous advice. So many of us either find ourselves coping with childloss or attempting to assist someone else who has lost a child. It is a well written, most helpful guide to both those in bereavement and to those helping a friend cope with the loss of a child. The author, a bereaved parent, so well expresses how hurtful it is to hear typical phrases from those who are well-meaning, though so wrong in their approach. It is an excellent read and an on-hand reference that everyone should have BEFORE the need arises. What a wonderful, anytime gift for anyone! Bravo, Julane Grant!

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A primer on how to be a good friend!, April 26, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: When Your Friend's Child Dies: A Guide to Being a Thoughtful and Caring Friend (Paperback)

The recent shootings of high school students at Columbine High School in Denver, Colorado prompted me to take a hard look at books that could help friends and relatives of those families cope with the loss of their children. Grant's small book "When Your Friend's Child Dies" stands out. At first glance, the reader is thinking "of course, that's what anyone should do." But the question is "Why don't we do and say what is in our hearts?" Grant's answer is right on--we are afraid of causing our friend more pain and too embarrassed to show our own emotions.

It is precisely at a time like the death of a friend's child when we should throw all caution to the wind and risk letting our friend know how much we care. Grant's list of the 10 things never to say, and her insight into the small, everyday thoughtful things we can do on an ongoing basis are worth their weight in gold.

Her book is all the more relevant as she covers the anger a parent feels when a child dies as a result of a violent act or senseless carelessness. The parents of those high school students will need compassion, support, and friends as they struggle with their loss in a very public place. Grant's suggestions for helping your friend through his or her anger are unique and thoughtful.

It shouldn't take catastrophes like the one at Columbine to remind us that every child's death is a tragedy. Although Grant wrote this book for friends and families of parents who've lost a child, I think parents will benefit equally. She's captured the pain and sorrow in the heart of every parent who has lost a child.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A perfect primer for how to REALLY help a friend grieve., June 4, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: When Your Friend's Child Dies: A Guide to Being a Thoughtful and Caring Friend (Paperback)

Julane did a marvelous job of covering virtually every aspect of grieving issues surrounding a death. Grief is a deeply personal period which can be abruptly stifled by inappropriate or inconsiderate comments or actions. And, it can be terribly embarrassing and a guilt conveyance to the friend to do something wrong at such a critical time, when the intent was to provide support. A really terrific read.