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Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day Paperback – August 18, 2000

95 customer reviews

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Frequently Bought Together

Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day + Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin— - How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries + Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
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Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

The premise here is that people all have many demands on their time and that by setting boundaries they may protect their time and energy for the things that matter most. Being in complete agreement with this idea, the first thing this reviewer should say is that she doesn't have the time to read a whole book about setting boundaries. Although important, this topic could have been adequately covered as a couple of chapters in a larger book on life management. Mental health counselor Katherine (Boundaries) discusses setting boundaries with friends, relatives, lovers, and exes. Other reasonable topics include anger, intimacy, sex, and divorce. Among the more frivolous chapters are those covering tidiness, food, Internet, and therapist boundaries. The author does give helpful examples of each type of boundary, with advice on where to draw the line. The topics seem so specialized, though, that audience appeal is limited. Purchase is warranted only for extensive self-help collections.AKathy Ingels Helmond, Indianapolis-Marion Cty. P.L.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Anne Katherine, M.A., is a certified mental health counselor, speaker, and the author of Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin and Anatomy of a Food Addiction. She lives near Seattle, Washington, where she leads programs for recovery and healing.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Fireside; 1 edition (August 18, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0684868067
  • ISBN-13: 978-0684868066
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (95 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #39,233 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

97 of 101 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 2, 2003
Format: Paperback
When my counselor recommended me to read this book, I had no clue what I was in for. This book opened my eyes to all of the unhealthy patterns we have in our relationships and where they come from. It has literally changed my life. Thanks to this book, I am more in touch with myself and have more fulfilling relationships with others in which we truly care about one another. If you'd like to learn about yourself and are really ready for some positive change (it will be painful at first but it is definitely worth it), try this book. The other book I highly recommend on this topic is "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. Sato has an unbelievable ability to show us how complex things like internal conflict and relationships work in the simplest ways. Good luck on your transformation!
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50 of 52 people found the following review helpful By Lisa N. Stansbury on August 9, 2001
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a wonderful book. I have read Boundaries, where you end and I began before, so I had insight into the style of writing this book would be presented it.

Where to Draw the Line gives clear, concise examples of boundary violations, as well as offering suggestions on how to work out problems and disagreements.
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38 of 39 people found the following review helpful By Celia Bauer on March 4, 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I am in my 40s and read this book with the eye-opening wonder of a very clueless child. So many times I read things here that were a complete revelation to me and I'd think to myself, wow, I'm allowed to say that to someone?!?! Yes, we are allowed to speak our own truth and put our needs above our habit of pleasing others at our own expense! I like that she writes about different topics and gives examples of what to say when someone crosses the line. This is info I can put to work and have already. She also dissected some conversations, pointing out where someone was being manipulative. I can now see that I have been manipulated in conversations and it was such a light bulb moment to understand how it was happening and how to handle it in the future. I raved about the book to friends while I was reading it and three of them wanted to borrow it when I was done. When I finished, I decided I couldnt bear to let go of my copy so I bought three copies as gifts. Money well spent. I intend to buy two more copies for my teenage niece and nephew as well. If everyone could read this book, ESPECIALLY WOMEN, the planet would be a safer, saner and more peaceful place.
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52 of 55 people found the following review helpful By Linda S. Gunning on February 8, 2003
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a quick but impressive read. It identifies everyday situations which can be uncomfortable and invasive. More importantly it explains why it is invasive in plain language. It provides scenarios and small quizzes providing for new learning.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful By F. Koenig II on August 9, 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I work with people that have manipulators in their lives and their biggest struggle is boundaries and personal identity. It is very difficult to help a person understand this topic when it is so lacking in that persons life. This book makes this subject very easy to understand and apply to ones own life. If you think you don't have a manipulator in you life, read this book and see how fast you change your mind. The author is very non-judgmental and compassionate to everyone's preferences. There are no bad guys in this book. I love that!
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24 of 25 people found the following review helpful By Abhishek on August 25, 2013
Format: Paperback
The author quite insightfully defines a boundary as something that serves to preserve the integrity of that which it binds within. She also quite astutely identifies the ability to share one's truth as the roadway to emotional healing and transformation. However, the author's treatment of boundaries - which at its core is about human relationships, more than anything else - is one sided.

Author's boundary emphasis is entirely driven by the idea of self-preservation without any attribution to the role of compassion in relationships or to the ability to accommodate another as a way of expanding one's boundary. She also does not touch upon how preserving our boundary can serve to help another person - against whom we exercise these boundaries - grow. All relationships are a mirror for those willing to see. When we refuse to share our truth we rob the other person from seeing themselves clearly. The book would have been more helpful to readers if it carried a tone of growth (accommodating, compassion) instead of its tone of fear (needing to defend, self-preservation). It fails to convey love.

The book does offer several usable and useful points which could help people in abusive relationships to some extent. The cautionary note would be for the reader to use these suggestions coupled with a sense of genuine care and compassion toward another or else one runs the risk of developing very rough edges which could make those in one's life bleed.
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24 of 25 people found the following review helpful By PATRICIA FUNARI on August 15, 2001
Format: Paperback
I found this book an excellent for anyone working on co-dependency and boundary issues. It give a good guideline for putting boundaries to work for you on a daily basis. Easy to understand. Good reading.
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21 of 22 people found the following review helpful By Alannah on August 23, 2010
Format: Paperback
I had to read the one-star review for this book, because I was surprised that someone could have disliked this book that much. I can understand why the reviewer was disappointed if he expected a more "advanced" look at the concept of boundaries, because this book is pretty basic. However, I got exactly what I expected from the book, which was a detailed, solid introduction to boundaries, examples of how they are violated, and easy examples of how to "set" them. I started with Anne Katherine's other book, just titled Boundaries, and I thought that was a really quick, good primer for the whole concept, which this book then expanded on in more detail. I definitely could've skipped Boundaries, but in the end I'm glad I read them both. Where to Draw the Line includes numerous stories about how boundaries are violated or ignored, and how to enforce them. The stories in Boundaries were told by the various people who experienced them, but the stories here are retold by the author and are briefer and a little less "personal". Either way, though, the concepts are clearly illustrated and easy to understand. The book is written in a very personable way, and the chapters are very short and cover a range of topics, from physical to spiritual boundaries and pretty much everything in between.

I highly recommend this book--I wish it were required reading for the human race!
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