Where Have All the Good Men Gone?: Why So Many Christian Women Are Remaining Single (Paperback)

~ A.J. Kiesling (Author)
Key Phrases: current marriage crisis, skipped this question, Total Respondents, Response Percent Response Total, Jillian Straus (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

There are more singles now than any other time in this nation’s history. While this reflects an abundance of “available” men, why are so many Christian women who desire marriage still going through their lives alone?

Author A.J. Kiesling explores this dilemma and how our culture, church subculture, and the behaviors and beliefs of both genders shape the outcome. Kiesling’s personal experience, extensive research, and more than a hundred candid interviews with single women help readers discover:

• who these women are, their circumstances, and experiences
• why there are so many non–marrying men
• the influence of sex, feminism, expectations, and other factors on this trend
• what men and women want in a mate and why candidates often fall short
• how to date in a godly, intentional way while continuing to develop oneself

This fascinating, revealing look at an often glossed–over topic is filled with personal stories, “Girl Talk” questions and answers, “Man–Speak” comments and observations from men, and Kiesling’s insight and compassion to help women understand their choices, their desires, and God’s heart for their whole lives.

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (March 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0736920633
• ISBN-13: 978-0736920636
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #344,696 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Invaluable resource for singles and singles' ministers!!, May 12, 2008

By	Deena Peterson "The Deena" (Marysville, CA) - See all my reviews

Reading a book like this makes me so glad I'm no longer a part of the dating world! I know that may seem mean to say, but I have to be honest. For those of us who know Christians who are single and who long for a mate, a book like this can open our eyes to what we're doing that we think helps, but actually hurts.

In short, single or not, this is a good resource to read!

"Where Have All the Good Men Gone" doesn't just focus on women who are single, although that does take up more pages than the men's perspective. Instead, this is well balanced examination of why more and more Christian singles are remaining single and not by choice.

Based on extensive surveys and questionaires, A.J.'s book examines flaws in the entire philosophy of dating and Christian singles ministry, as well as what it is women want from men and vice versa.

In my humble opinion, I think any time we segregate our church congregations into segments based on anything, we're not helping. We need to be ministering to the church as a whole, and when special needs become apparent, then we meet those needs on an individual basis.

But that's just me. For what it's worth.

Now, back to my review:-) You won't like some of what you read in this book; you might not even agree with everything. But you are guaranteed to learn something that will change how you view singleness and how you 'help' your single friends find that special someone, or how you view the opposite sex when it comes to commitment and partnership.

In reading "Where Have All the Good Men Gone", you can feel A.J.'s personal passion for the topic, but she doesn't have tunnel vision. She takes the whole matter, male and female, church and ministry and examines it and discusses it with intelligence and compassion.

Divided into four parts, the first discusses how singles don't want to remain single and the longing she found in both sexes to connect and to marry. The second section disusses her findings with the women's responses to her survey; the third, the men's replies.

Finally, A.J. is not one to show us the problem and leave us there. She ends with a section that is intended to give us new direction and to leave Christian singles with hope for something better, and direction in how to achieve what their hearts long for.

I personally found the book enlightening and my heart went out to women (and men) who long to find that someone to spend their lives with. I also recognized the way the world's philosophy of dating and "mating" has crept into the church, and it's time we took back the ground we've surrendered, people!

I have high hopes that this will change the way we view singles and singleness in our churches. Ministry leaders involved in single's ministry: read this book, please!

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting, but...., June 23, 2009

By	C. Kelley - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

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Being a man, my first inclination was to throw this book out before I even read it. Just one more Debbie Maken-style, anti-male book written by a man-hating woman that's trying to shame we worthless men, right?

Well, no.

The author is surprisingly reasonable in her approach, and not quite as hateful as one would expect when women discuss men and their reluctance to marry.

Finally, I think women are beginning to sense something is wrong, and just maybe, it's not because men are evil, lazy, no account....etc. The author, being a woman, is of course going to be more sympathetic toward the female point of view. I suppose that's natural.

I read the book, then read it again. It's a surprisingly good read.

Let me offer my humble opinion, if I may. The main reason men are refusing to get married is because we have been told we are useless by women. We are regularly cast aside when divorced, and treated poorly by women -CHRISTIAN women- when young. We are seen as walking wallets and sperm donors. That's pretty much about it. Now, I'm the first to admit that we men are a little bit dull-witted in many areas. Romance probably tops the list. But, dumb as we are, if you smack us often enough, just like with a loyal dog, we finally get the message.

You don't like us.

That's okay.

As the Bible says: You reap what you sow.

Ladies, I think you had better get used to being single. I think the goose that lays the golden eggs is dead.

2.0 out of 5 stars Men need help, yet somehow don't need it, June 1, 2009

By	Seminary Dropout "Marty" (Baltimore, MD) - See all my reviews

The book purports to examine both the men's and women's perspectives on why most Christian singles are remaining single. However, based on the title alone, the author seems to be only concerned about helping the women.