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Disgusting, Distressing, Depressing.
on April 28, 2015
Pretty harsh headline, I know. But this book is seriously creepy. The title and description would lead a person to think this will be a light, comedic series of anecdotes. I thought the book would read like a funnier version of "Swimming with Sharks," if anything.
Instead, imagine only the scene from "Swimming with Sharks" in which the agent tearfully tells of the time his wife was gang-raped and murdered, and left beside a busy street in Los Angeles while the uncaring rolled past during yet another rush hour. That was the bleakest scene in the movie, aside from the ending.
This book is nothing but that scene, over and over again, with a bit of urban legend laced throughout and some crude porn thrown in in a lazy attempt to keep the reader turning the pages. I turned the pages looking for something like I had been expecting, and never found it.
Included in this book are these stories, and others like them: A man is orally raped at gunpoint. A dog licks an assistant's backside while the assistant passive aggressively enacts a petty revenge on their boss by having sex in the boss' bed. Two young women go for a weekend in Tijuana and are never heard from again; we are informed they were likely trafficked and will end up 'being cut into pieces alive and fed to dogs.' An assistant's grandparent dies and their boss' cat is eaten by a coyote. It just goes on and on and on like that.
I began to doubt the veracity of any of it by about the third story. The cruder details are played up and exaggerated; the writing style is the same throughout, really beggaring the notion that these stories are from many different Hollywood assistants; it seems the slimmest premise is expanded upon and exaggerated until it sounds like email spam or a bar tale only drunks could believe. For instance: The younger sister of a 'famous documentary director' is trafficked into sex slavery with her best friend and it was never in the news - ever? Come on.
On top of all of its other flaws, the book commits the sin worse than lying: It is dull. Boring. Spend your money if you must but you'd be better off just reading blind items online for free, or googling for bitter assistant stories. I have the feeling this is how this book began, as well.