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Where's My F*cking Latte? (and Other Stories About Being an Assistant in Hollywood) [Kindle Edition]

Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff
3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (237 customer reviews)

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Book Description

The Kindle Bestselling book featured on TV's "ACCESS HOLLYWOOD"


DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS... Every movie and TV star has one. So does every agent and manager. Some producers and studio execs have two or even three. I'm talking about an assistant. Someone to answer your phones, pick up your dry cleaning. Someone to hide your drugs. Your assistant knows what you eat, who you're sleeping with and what medications you're taking. They listen in on your phone calls. They are the eyes and ears of Hollywood... and occasionally they talk. Culled from dozens of interviews with former and current Hollywood assistants, Where's My F*cking Latte is a no-holds barred insider's look at what really goes on behind Tinseltown's closed doors.

"I can tell you firsthand that what goes on behind-the-scenes of Hollywood's glittering facade is usually shocking, insane and full of sex offers. Where's My F*cking Latte perfectly captures the abusive and often hysterically unbelievable world of celebs and Tinseltown power-brokers and the culture of excess and entitlement they live in. Two thumbs WAY, WAY UP!"
- Daniella Cracknell, Publicist to many of TV’s iconic stars from Dick Clark, Howie Mandel, Geraldo Rivera, Mario Lopez to name a few…

Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff is a bestselling and award-winning author living in Los Angeles who has been known to occasionally moonlight as a TV host, voice-over artist and rock journalist. A professional composer of music for television for many years, opportunity knocked and transformed him into a screen/TV writer and author featured on “Access Hollywood.” Then a podcast recorded in his car became a weeknightly drive-time radio show on Sirius Sateillite Radio. This led to a handsome feature in Playboy Magazine that compared Mark to Howard Stern and Jon Stewart.

Editorial Reviews

From the Author

Truth is, nobody in Hollywood is treated worse than the assistant. I know this for a fact. For three years I was one myself. 

About the Author

is a best-selling author who can be seen on E! Entertainment's hot new series "Secret Societies of Hollywood" and has also been featured on the hit TV shows, "Access Hollywood" and "The Soup." Playboy Magazine has compared him to Jon Stewart. As a busy voice over artist you may have heard Mark on various commercials for BMW, Lexus, Pizza Hut, McDonald's, The Coca Cola Company, Chevy, GameFly and other major brands. 

Product Details

  • File Size: 1635 KB
  • Print Length: 142 pages
  • Publisher: Glenneyre Press; 1 edition (May 14, 2007)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B000ZHN93S
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #40,284 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
36 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfectly Renders A Young Hollywood Sensibility November 18, 2007
Nemcoff's "Where's My F*cking Latte" is a hilarious spin on the sensibility of young talent trying to make it in Hollywood. His wry, insider's view delivers observations laced with the same warmth I enjoyed in his other work (The Art of Surfacing, a different but equally rewarding read). I spent a hilarious Saturday afternoon at the nearest Starbuck's, passing around his book to patrons who wanted to know what I was reading when they heard me laughing out loud! I am giving copies of "Latte" to all of the smart young creative types on my holiday list!
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38 of 41 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Makes Your Skin Crawl... in a good way December 27, 2007
This book is a hilarious (and terrifying) read for anyone who works in-- or wants to work in-- the entertainment industry. If there is a hell... these assistants have worked in it, and these stories will make your skin crawl!
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow..just...WOW!!! June 8, 2007
I fell in love with Nemcoff's work when I started listening to "Number 1 with a bullet". So of course, I had to pick this book up. Not only because it is Nemcoff, but because I am a film student. Talk about eye opening! I have never laughed so hard before in my life- even with learning how weird Hollywood is. Nemcoff TOTALLY sheds light on the weirdest of the weird in this book with stories from a well known Celebrity getting drunk and beaten up in Mexico to the torrid toddler causing havoc in a office, and of course the director falling "in love" with one of his assiatants. The only downfall (if I could say there is one) is that, of course, the book does not name names...however it is fun to try guessing who the indivual stories refer too!

I've said before that I think Nemcoff is this generation's Frank Miller and this book proves it- that is if Miller was writing about Hollywood with no death.

Fan's of Brian Michael Bendis' book "Fortune and Glory" will totally get a kick out of this. Heck, ANYONE that is even thinking of working in this industry should pick this up. It should be required reading for all film students.

WARNING: do not drink/eat anything while reading this- you might choke because you are laughing to much (or dumbfounded/shocked by some of the stupidity displayed) that... and of course you wouldn't want to ruin your book.

Only question I got, is when are we going to see the sequal?


Tessana/Murdock's Girl
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An inside job.... January 7, 2012
By Todd
Format:Kindle Edition
There are voices, and then there are voices. You think you've heard all of the stories from the slimy underbelly of the entertainment capitol of the world. You haven't. Not even close. Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff was uniquely positioned to provide some of the best anecdotes from the life of a Hollywood Assistant. What I love most about Nemcoff is his "writers voice", i.e. you know when you are reading a Nemcoff book. Sharp, punchy and tightly written "Where's My Fn Latte" is a must read pretty much for anyone West of the Rockies who is in the entertainment industry or knows someone who is. It should be issued as a handbook to any young production assistant as a training manual. As far as everyone East of the Rockies, you should read it too, just to thank your lucky stars that you have nothing to do with the craziness that is Hollywood. Highly, highly recommended.
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18 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting insight to Hollywood's insanity April 27, 2011
By Dawn G
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I enjoyed the stories of the various overbearing hollywood execs, revenge of some assistants, bloated egos, and even the occasional delightfully disgusting quirks of both assistant and employer.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars funny and true - the inside scoop July 18, 2011
By Noebie
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
i laughed out loud while reading this one - and really enjoyed playing "i wonder who" with each of the stories - a great book to take to the beach +++
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing stories July 11, 2011
By P-Dub
Format:Kindle Edition
The stories in this book have one thing in common... wretched excess! It's amazing what a little power and influence will do to a person. Of course this book doesn't name names. These are folks that would sue you in a heartbeat if they thought you said something critical about them. Actually that makes it more fun. It's not too hard to figure out who some of these people are :-) This is a book about wealthy, privileged, self important people, being exposed, and even occasionally getting what they deserve. Both thumbs up.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Mindless Read to Pass the Time March 13, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Sometimes I want something to read that doesn't get too detailed. I don't want to have to think, I just want to be entertained. This is certainly the book for that exact purpose. First and foremost, it's actually a compilation of stories from different people so some of the stories seem more random than others. Second, I couldn't stop laughing my head off at the shenanigans these assistants get caught up in. To be honest, there were at least several of the stories that left me in disbelief and I questioned how valid those events truly were. Nonetheless, you will be at least partly entertained. I still pop open this book whenever I need some light reading to put a smile on my face.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Skip it
The stories were not as out there as I expected based on the title. A few were amusing but a few others were just an excuse for the author to brag about the kind of sex he was... Read more
Published 4 hours ago by nevershelly77
1.0 out of 5 stars Boring (for me)
No thank you
Published 7 days ago by Arthur
5.0 out of 5 stars "oh, no he didn't"
hysterical...really funny. what an enjoyable read.
Published 14 days ago by bre ragan
3.0 out of 5 stars Not Worthy
I've read many Hollywood books and love the inside stories of what it is really like. But having read other stories by assistants roughed up in their starting career I didn't know... Read more
Published 2 months ago by R. Spell
2.0 out of 5 stars Not a purchase I'd make again.
This book is as shallow as the title. If your really curious about the bad behavior of many successful people in the entertainment industry, then by all means, buy it. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Katherine O'Brien
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Published 2 months ago by William Graveley
1.0 out of 5 stars Waste of money
I liked the sample I read on my kindle, learning about a casting agent (because I am a headshot photographer), but once I got the book and started reading more stories I was... Read more
Published 3 months ago by BGuhl
4.0 out of 5 stars You think your job is bad?
My job might sometimes stink, but at least I don't have to deal with the losers and maniacs who are deluded enough to believe in their own importance in the world -- at least for... Read more
Published 3 months ago by J. Arena
1.0 out of 5 stars FRAUD! Don't buy this book!

This book is fake. Nothing about it is real and it's poorly written 1/3 of the way in and they aren't even stories anymore just unfunny anecdotes. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Jimi
2.0 out of 5 stars Hollywood insider book
The title should have tipped me off. It is racy, which is a word only old people use, I think. Young people would be fine with it. Read more
Published 5 months ago by margaret white
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More About the Author

Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff has written several bestselling books, has been featured on TV's hit "Access Hollywood", E! Entertainment's special "Secret Societies of Hollywood" and "The Soup". His new media work has appeared on the website of the UK's "News of the World" tabloid and Playboy Magazine described his comedy work as a combination of Jon Stewart meets Trey Parker. In addition, he has voiced commercials for mega brands such as McDonald's, The Coca Cola Company, Pizza Hut, Mercedes Benz, JetBlue, Stella Artois, Chevy, Gamefly, Universal Music Group, Dominos, turned a podcast into a drive-time Sirius satellite radio show, hosted a TV series, written for TV, composed original music for several TV series, the 1994 Winter Olympics on CBS along with creating epic cinematic-style scores for hit video games, and has even been hired as a branding consultant for major Internet companies like GoDaddy and Verisign.

Mark currently resides in Los Angeles.


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