Customer Reviews

"Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk Through Alzheimer's

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A beautiful story told by a young successful career-woman who put her life on old for a father who has Alzheimer's. Like me, Brenda Avadian was in her thirties when her life was disrupted by having a parent diagnosed with Alzheimer's. In this beautifully written chronicle, Brenda shares that story and also includes a bibliography, helpful Web sites, and a very helpful list of "Ten Suggestions for Caregivers". Wonderful full-page photos of Brenda's father are included in this delightful book that should be on the reading list of every caregiver.

This book was a great personal perspective about Alzheimer's disease. I could not put the book down until i finished reading it. Brenda did a fantastic job of describing her father's journey with alzheimer's and how she took on the role of his caregiver. My own father went through similar situations with his parents and i wish i had found this book several years ago to see a caregivers perspective and how to better cope with a familiy member with Alzheimer's disease. This book gives caregivers hope that there resources available and others experiencing the same difficult decsions.
This is an excellent book with helpful suggestions along with a story of inspiration and true courage.

I had no idea that a chance meeting of a cousin's cousin at a funeral would create the opportunity to discover this wonderful book, "Where's my shoes?" I have seen almost at a distance a limited number of people who had altzheimers and only had cursory idea what the disease really was. My own personal experience with a close friend fell into disaster when I went to pay visit in the nursing home and the site of me approaching her terrified her. I never went back.

Brenda's book has provided me a much better insite into the disease and has reduced my reluctance to become envolved with someone who has the disease.

The chance meeting introduced me to Brenda Avadian where I was able to fully appreciate her strong sense of humor and finite capacity for compassion and understanding. I can only imagine what a toll it must take on a person actively associated with that terrible disease. I was deeply moved by all the patience demostrated by both she and David throughout the tenure of the disease. The strain of seeing a loved one in a diminishing condition accompanied by indifference by other close family members is beyond belief.

Thank you Brenda for chronicling your experience in a way the rest of us can understand and appreciate.

Dear Brenda,

It has been my privilege to get to know you and your wonderful father in the last couple of days as I have read your book! Your
book has also helped me gain perspective in looking at my own journey with my father who is 91 and struggling with Alzheimer's.
The Aracept he takes really slowed the process for my dad, but the horrible disease is finally really catching up to him. He is still at the
home where my five siblings and I grew up in West Covina (I live in Santa Cruz; I'm 63 years old and the oldest of six). Joe is being cared
for 24/7 by a remarkable woman who deserves an entire book written about her. Maria was introduced to us by a nurse who was caring
for my mother in our home before Mom died four years ago. Maria promised my mother that she would stay with my dad until he passed away.
Maria, bless her heart, is reading your book as well, and I have told her that she should consider herself another daughter to my father,
as she has become a sister to me and my siblings! (We are 5 siblings now, having my youngest brother to cancer some years ago). We
helped Maria to get her US citizinship and have learned to love her as one of our own!
Unlike your experience, my siblings and I all get along, and everyone is doing everything they can to support my father and Maria
at this difficult time. At one point a few weeks ago, we did put my father in a care facility (because Maria was having so much trouble
sleeping and was so worn out), but he was so unhappy and looked so sad, that we brought him back home the next day! Maria was
the most vocal about doing this! Upon pulling into the driveway, my dad asked, "What in the heck are we doing here?"
With your sense of humor, I thought you'd appreciate that! The next day, he said he did not like going camping the night before and
he did not want us to take him to those two rooms again!
We have hired more help for Maria, and we are all calling more often, but some days are so hard. My dad tries to leave so
we have secured the property, and we also call Maria who gets so upset when my dad gets angry at her for not allowing him to leave.
We take him for walks and drives, but more and more, he says he is too tired to go. He cannot follow TV programs and he does not
understand what he reads. He is often restless at night and thinks he must be somewhere. He does not know what time or day it is.
I need not go on, as I know that you are familiar with all that accompanies this disease. He thinks my oldest brother has stolen
money and orders him out of the house when he tries to help. This has been problematic since he and my youngest sister are the
only ones in the area! BUT...we go on as best we all can. Your book has certainly made it clear that things could be so much worse!
I commend you for all you did for your father, and I thank you for the gift of your book! I am going to pass it on to my siblings
who will benefit from its warmth, kindness, and the portrait of your very special father!

Most sincerely,
Mary Bolton

I recently finished reading "Where's My Shoes?": My Father's Walk Through Alzheimer's and found it to be a compelling book. Author Brenda Avadian shares her personal experiences dealing with her father's Alzheimer's disease.

The reader can feel the emotional rollercoaster ride that the author went through in dealing with the disease and trying to do the best thing for her father. The difficulties she experienced with the doctors, lawyers, medical facilities, government bureaucracies, and especially her own siblings are shared openly. This allows the reader to see the reality of what happens to people with Alzheimer's, and what the caregiver must face as the disease progresses.

It is that openness that makes the book such a useful read. While this book deals with the specifics of Alzheimer's disease, the author's experience and insight can apply to other serious health and caregiving issues we face as our parents age. If you want to better understand the health and legal issues surrounding Alzheimer's, and the family dynamics that are involved with caregiving, then you should read this book.

Reading this book truly made me feel that I am not alone. So many people today are living as the main caregiver to aging parents. Alzheimer's is a particularly stressful condition that puts us in the position of parenting our parents. There were many poignant and touching moments recounted in Avadian's journey as well as some solid tips and advice and let me tell you, it is very much appreciated."Where's My Shoes?": My Father's Walk Through Alzheimer's Very important topic and I highly recommend this book. We are not alone!

If you are an Alzheimer's caregiver you will definitely relate to Brenda's story. If you are new to Alzheimer's caregiving you should read this book. It is filled with plenty of tips and critical information. In addition, it is a warm and honest accounting of day-to-day challenges complicated by imperfect and unavailable family members.
Brenda leaves the reader with a message of hope while emphasizing the value of a good support group.

A really neat memoir and filled with all kinds of good ideas and inspiration for those of us caring for aging parents. Written with the reader in mind and thoughtfully articulated, this book is a small gem in the many books out there on Alzheimer's and related dementias. Excellent reading!!

This is a chronicle of the author's experience caring for her father as he slowly loses his mental faculties to Alzheimer's. As the book opens, her father is living at home in Wisconsin, while she is far away in California. Although her sister lives only 5 blocks away from the family home, and her brother is actually living with her father, as Avadian tells it, they were not willing to provide their father with the help she felt he needed in dealing with his daily affairs. Indeed, if this story can be said to have a moral, it is to try to make peace with your siblings before your family reaches a crisis point. The challenges that Avadian faced in caring for her father were greatly magnified by undertaking the project with no assistance from her siblings. Of course, the story is told entirely from Avadian's point of view, so it is impossible to say whether her siblings were actually as apathetic about their father's condition as she depicts them here.

Avadian includes many useful ideas for caregivers, such as taking advantage of adult daycare programs and caregivers' support groups. Perhaps one of the most useful ideas is not try to continually remind an Alzheimer's patient that loved ones are long dead when they ask for them. It may feel truthful to the caregiver, but it serves only to keep the patient in a constant state of grief. If one tells patients today that their parents are dead, that will not help them remember any better tomorrow that their parents are dead, but hearing the news will certainly make the grief fresh again. Avadian describes the great variety of onerous tasks that fall on the shoulders of caregivers of Alzheimer's patients, from taking over tax returns, to returning them to bed at 3:00 AM, from cleaning up accidents in the bathroom, to dealing with liquidating the estate of a living person. Nevertheless, as Avadian stresses, caring for a person with Alzheimer's is not all negative. There are many positive moments as well, which she urges us to focus on.

While the book has many good points, it feels in a number of places as if Avadian was grasping at straws for enough material to fill out a book. She relates certain incidents that had nothing to do with her father or the disease. While these convey some aspects of her personality and state of mind as she was dealing with her father's estate, I found them not entirely relevant for such a book. In places, the book even reads almost like public documentation that she did all she could for her father in case her siblings would ever try to contest her decisions in court. Nevertheless, overall, her story is quite remarkable, and those who are caring for loved ones with Alzheimer's may find much of value in this book.

"Where's My Shoes" is far more than one family's personal journey thru Alzheimer's or a memorial of a family member with AD. The book demonstrates the joys and awkwardness, fears and uncertainties, responsibilities and outcomes of caring for one's parent. But most of all, it offers real options and prudent solutions that will benefit anyone faced with this decision.
It cannot be denied that "Where's My Shoes" is also a love story. On the surface it tells the true story in real time, as Brenda faces reality and makes hard, yet informed decisions. But between the lines, it's about the youngest daughter taking responsibility for family affairs and the care of her beloved father.
I would strongly recommend this book to caregivers and healthcare professionals alike, as well as elder law attorneys.
Mark Warner
Author of the Complete Guide to Alzheimer's-Proofing Your Home