Stop Whining, Start Living (Hardcover)

by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Dr. Laura Schlessinger agrees that there are things worth whining about! A certain amount of whining allows for some venting of reasonable pain, disappointment, fear, frustration, or frank rage. However, staying stuck in whining mode can become a life-long problem. This is where Dr. Laura steps in with Stop Whining, Start Living to help folks conquer the temptation to retreat from living life to the fullest.

As she reveals in her introduction, "No matter what you've suffered or continue to suffer, while you are alive you have the opportunity to get something from this life, and I'm going to do my best to help you with that. . . . I know of what I speak, as this has been my torturous journey also." Building on the principles developed during her long career as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and addressing the chronic struggles of so many of her listeners and readers, Dr. Laura issues an important message in the no-nonsense but compassionate voice that is her trademark: If you don't like your life, quit talking about your unhappiness and try to fix it, no matter how difficult or impossible your situation seems.

While it is healthy to vent occasionally, endless rumination on the negative only keeps you paralyzed in misery, reinforces hopelessness, and demoralizes those around you who feel helpless to bring any happiness into your life. Instead, Stop Whining, Start Living encourages "whiners" to reject negative thoughts, emotions, and attitudes; shift perspective; open up to gratitude and goodness; and embrace obligations to loved ones and the world in general. Before long, just doing what you're supposed to be doing--instead of moaning about why you can't or won't or shouldn't fulfill your responsibilities--will have you feeling better about yourself and will uplift your interactions with family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers in incredible ways.

Illustrated by calls and letters from members of Dr. Laura's huge international audience, Stop Whining, Start Living features brave testimonials from real human beings facing real challenges. These folks have benefited enormously from Dr. Laura's powerful lessons.

Stop Whining, Start Living gives readers stuck in their suffering the jump start they need to break out of reactive mode and get proactive, moving in the direction of a joyful, meaningful, happy, fulfilling, and purposeful future. Everyone can use a kick in the pants sometimes, and Dr. Laura, who "preaches, teaches, and nags" to millions every day on her radio program, is here to deliver it!

Questions for Dr. Laura

Question: How and why does whining get in the way of living?

Dr. Laura: Whining as an immediate response to any sort of pain (physical, psychological, emotional, interpersonal) is normal and potentially helpful since venting helps get us some loving and supportive attention which "softens the blow." Staying in whining mode makes us ignore options for repair or growth and interferes with us squeezing joy out of every precious day.

Question: Stop Whining, Start Living assures readers that change is possible with commitment and willpower. But what can people do to break the habit of suffering?

Dr. Laura: Solutions to serious problems don’t always have to be…well…serious! I have had people on the line who I’ve made sing and/or dance while live on the radio. It is almost impossible to be sad while "movin’ to the music"! I’ve told listeners to turn on their radios or iPods to whatever music moves them (for me it is oldies rock) for fifteen minutes. Distraction and physicality do a lot to alleviate a negative mood. From there folks need to move into being a blessing unto others.

Question: Is it ever okay to whine? If so, for how long and under what circumstances?

Dr. Laura: As I wrote in Stop Whining, Start Living, I reserve the right to whine about some frustration, disappointment or assault for between one and four days max. After that I’ve become boring to myself and everyone around me. Constant whining takes full attention, which means you can’t smell the roses. And, I only whine to someone who cares, will be sympathetic, and who will then help me get goin’ again.

Question: When’s the last time you, Dr. Laura, had a whining episode and how did you snap out of it?

Dr. Laura: It was just the other day! I got some thoroughly aggravating news and stomped around whining for a couple of hours. What always sets me straight is turning on my microphone. Why? Because for three hours each weekday I get to help people do and be better in their lives. I hear the respect and trust they’ve developed for me after months or years of listening to my program. I hear the switch snap in their brains as they "get" what it is they have to do or be to improve their lives. I hear the gratitude for my service. All of that is humbling and reboots my attitude. I am grateful to be of service and that more than makes up for whatever annoyance plagued my day. I also go sailing or take a power hike with my dog, BeBe.

Question: What can a person gain from giving up complaining?

Dr. Laura: I always tell folks that it is a dear shame to not enjoy a great plate of spaghetti and meatballs because you’re disappointed in the number of meatballs. You gain dinner!

Question: The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, your last bestseller, dealt with all the forces undermining today’s marriages and the kind, loving actions, thoughts and behaviors at the core of every successful partnership. How does Stop Whining, Start Living build upon this foundation?

Dr. Laura: Stop Whining, Start Living doesn’t build upon the foundation of The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage--it IS the foundation. To look at your spouse and see some things that annoy you and focus in on only those aspects of their being and your relationship is marriage and spouse abuse! To see some things that annoy you and to say to yourself, "Small price to pay to have someone to love and to love me," is to stop whining and start loving.

Question: You advise readers to just say ‘no’ to hurt feelings. What do you mean?

Dr. Laura: Upset feelings can lead us to behaviors of either retaliation, self-abuse or perpetual negative rumination--if you let them. Any of those behaviors feed back into growing those upset feelings and letting them take solid root. The term "acceptance" seems so incomprehensible to so many people. Acceptance means that you stop fighting "it". When people call in their 30’s and 40’s still complaining that some parent, friend, or relative isn’t giving/doing what they’d like…I tell them it is time to stop being surprised that an alligator isn’t friendly in the bathtub. It’s an alligator--and that’s how alligators behave. Meanwhile, the new lovely people and circumstances of their lives are lower priority because they’re still fighting for the "old stuff" to miraculously change--as though that would really make any true difference in their lives. I tell them to let go of their end of the tug-of-war and walk away towards what is and can be.

From Publishers Weekly
Licenced therapist Schlessinger has made a small media empire out of "telling it like it is," exemplified nowhere better than in the titles of her numerous bestsellers (Ten Stupid Things Women do to Screw Up Their Lives; Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands). She does it again in her latest, giving readers the same get-over-yourself kick in the seat she delivers daily on the radio; in fact, the book is heavy on transcripts lifted directly from that show. Fan email is also used to illustrate Schlessinger's points, which mostly amount to learning when to stop complaining. Strategies for this include counting blessings and suffering in silence: how does she cope with a son serving in combat? "The truth is I just live with it. ... I endure." Most of Schlessinger's values, encompassing maturity, compassion and responsibility-especially to family-can hardly be argued with, but her "Preaching, Teaching, Nagging" delivery can be condescending.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Harper (March 11, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060838337
• ISBN-13: 978-0060838331
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #278,494 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 48 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars If You Are Thinking About Changing...., March 16, 2008

By	William McPeck "Coach/Consultant" (Maine) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is the first Dr. Laura book I have read. I picked it up thinking it might be helpful in my current review of published materials on negativity and behavior change. I was not disappointed. If you are looking for a research based, clinically focused book, this is not the book for you. However, using her past clinical experiences and her experience with callers on the radio, I think Dr. Laura does do a good job addressing the book's subject in a manner the lay person will find helpful. I particularly liked how Dr. Laura intertwined her psychotherapeutic insights with caller conversations and listener emails. I think they added a lot to the book.

I found the book to be an easy,quick read (one weekend), but still definitely worth the time and effort. If you are thinking you need to make some changes in your life, I believe this book would be a good place to start. The highlight for me was reading Joe's 15 Minute Rule (p. 196) Don't miss it!

18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Straightforward, good examples! , March 19, 2008

By	Catherine - See all my reviews

This book is straightforward advice on how to live a happier life based on your attitude. Her concept is simple - You choose whether you want to focus on all the bad things that have happened in life, or choose to focus on the light, no matter how small that light may be. She uses real-life examples from listeners who have called the show and written letters about their life lessons and experiences, then offers commentary and advice on how to apply these concepts to your life.

What I also find interesting is that her concepts are not that much different than many of the "positive outlook" pop-psych books that have been extremely popular over the last couple of years. It's good advice, and frankly, it works.

I might also mention that some people reviewing here have never even bothered to read the book, they simply give her negative reviews based on her political stance. Someone even wrote a bad review because they disagree with her position on the war. Totally irrelevant! Her political views have basically nothing to do with the premise of this book, which is that the individual is in charge of their own life's happiness.

Try having and open mind, and you will most likely find this material very helpful!

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good sound advice, March 29, 2008

By	S. Battista (Garden City, NY) - See all my reviews

I was prompted to buy this book after seeing Dr. Laura all over TV. As some others who have posted reviews have said, some of the tenets mentioned in the book have been written about before, but that's true of a LOT of self-help books. I thought this was a simple to read, straightforward guide to taking personal responsibility, which I think can't be stressed enough in today's culture of "blame." I work with young adults, many of whom don't think there's any need to take any responsibility for their actions! While they may not be the ones reading this book, their parents sure should be reading it. And anyone who finds themselves in a rut could benefit from this as well. It's very comfortable to "whine" -- to our families, our friends, and even to ourselves. The hard part is (as Dr. Laura says)to STOP whining, and start taking responsibility for the life you want to lead.