Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start [Paperback]

Audrey Ricker (Author), Carolyn Crowder (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 14, 2000

Are you ready to end the whining wars in your house?

It starts with a whimper, an insistent demand, or a certain tone of voice that every parent recognizes with dread -- your child is starting to whine, and if you don't respond properly you'll have a full-blown tantrum or argument on your hands. Kids of all ages know that whining works when they want that extra hour of TV, the unplanned toy purchase, or a later curfew. But stopping such behavior without giving in to a child's demands isn't easy, and if left unchecked, whining can lead to constant disruptions at home, in school, or anywhere else your child chooses. Now the same authors who solved a common parenting problem in the national bestseller Backtalk present three proven methods for putting an end to whining, as well as information on

* The best ways to react when your child whines in a public place

* Why negotiating and giving in never work -- and what you should do instead

* What kids are really trying to tell you when they whine

* Why whining can lead to poor self-esteem and unsatisfying social relationships -- which can follow your child into adulthood -- and what you can do about it now

* How to clearly, respectfully indicate to your child what's important to you and why whining will no longer work as a means of communication

Filled with numerous real-life examples, encouraging advice, and simple steps you can start using immediately, this invaluable guide will help you end the cycle of giving in to whining only to have your child do it again, and instead replaces misbehavior with effective, meaningful, and loving parent-child communication.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

There are few things on the planet that can drive an adult crazy as fast as a ceaselessly whining child--we are often reduced to tantrums ourselves by this incessant complaining. If we were just better parents, our kids wouldn't have to act this way to get our attention, right? Not exactly. Whining happens because, often, it works. Whining also happens at any age and in many forms, and can be a very destructive behavior pattern if allowed to continue into adulthood. In this extremely useful and practical little book (you can read it in a couple of sittings), the authors explain how whining functions for both the child and parent and how the latter can deal with it. The recommended techniques are based on the work of pioneering psychiatrist Alfred Adler, and are gentle and respectful to both parent and child but also firm in setting limits for acceptable behavior. Authors Audrey Ricker and Carolyn Crowder teach parents how to dive beneath the admittedly choppy surface of whining by communicating assertively and then to change things from underneath the maelstrom. Numerous "real-life" examples are offered, as well as corresponding methods of response, but the scripts wisely shy away from a simplistic "one-size-fits-all" solution. The notebook at the back of the book will help families keep track of exactly what is going on and assist in reducing whining so that everyone in the family interacts more peacefully and productively. --Katherine Ferguson

About the Author

Audrey Ricker, Ph.D., is a parent and veteran teacher who has worked with children of all ages. Carolyn Crowder, Ph.D., is a psychologist who teaches parenting classes and works as a therapist in the public school system. They are the authors of Backtalk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids. Both live in Tucson, Arizona.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 160 pages
• Publisher: Touchstone; Original edition (March 14, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684857421
• ISBN-13: 978-0684857428
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 0.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #770,748 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

93 of 93 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Have Book for Parents, March 24, 2000

By 

Gina Campellone "lover of words" (Vernon, CT) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start (Paperback)

I always believed that I had the most wonderfully behaved child in the world, and I patted myself on the back for being such a wise parent ... AND THEN MY SON TURNED FOUR! In my quest for a solution to the whining and antics of my preschooler I have read countless books on parenting and positive discipline. But none can compare to Whining: Three Steps to Stopping it Before the Tears and Tantrums Start. The information in this book is concise and practical. The techniques described (yes, there really are just three steps) are easy to understand and easy to implement. The book is short enough in length so as not to intimidate an already overwhelmed parent. I devoured it hungrily in one sitting, then read it again more slowly. In short, this book makes a lot of sense. My husband and I began using the three steps and noticed a significant improvement in our son's behavior almost immediately. Whining ... is an excellent resource to parents and anyone who works with children (or whiny adults, for that matter!)

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Don't let the cover fool you!, November 5, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start (Paperback)

Despite the picture of a 2-3 year old child on the cover, this book has very few examples of how to deal with Toddlers. Virtually all of the advice and examples deal with school age children (6 yrs+).

The other problem for me was that the book is more focused on getting your child to stop whining and having tantrums about things THEY WANT. It has virtually no advice for getting children to do things YOU NEED them to do (take medicine, let you change a diaper, etc.)-- these were the areas where I was having the most trouble.

Don't get me wrong - this would be a great book for parents of older children. Some of the advice is usable for toddlers, but this book would have benefited from a section devoted to little ones who do not understand "I felt.. when you.." conversation. I was hoping to get a head start with my toddler so I wouldn't need a book like this when she was older. I didn't really find the advice here.

38 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good main ideas + a few bad ideas, August 19, 2002

By 

Groovy Vegan (USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (COMMUNITY FORUM 04)   

This review is from: Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start (Paperback)

The main ideas of the Whining book are good and from what I've witnessed, effective not only for stopping whining, but for the personal growth of the child. Unfortunately, some of the secondary points and applications of the main points contradict the main points, and can even be harmful to the child, short and long-term. Overall, I recommend the book, however, a parent must be careful in picking and choosing which of these principles and applications to follow:

Strengths and good points:
· Clear, concise writing.
· The book does a fairly good job defining whining, its purpose and the disservice this does to the child and the family.
· Good idea: When a whining incident occurs in public, remove the child from the scene.
· Another good idea: Parents announce ahead of time that whining will result in an automatic "no". It's important not to reward whining.
· The authors recommend logical consequences for whining, no second chances.
· The recommendations for assertive and respectful communication to children are excellent ones. Do not yell at children or sink to any disrespectful communication with them.
· The chapter on providing children with responsibility in the family (chores) so they'll feel like important contributing members is an excellent one. Important contributing members are less likely to seek attention in negative ways. Furthermore, they learn responsibility and become less self-centered.

Weaknesses and bad points:
· Bad idea: The authors instruct parents to ignore children completely when they whine at home. This undermines the idea that parents are to treat children with respect. The silent treatment is completely disrespectful whether the person on the receiving end is a child or adult. And I'm sure parents don't want to encourage their children to tune them out! The parent can do a modified form of ignoring by saying, "I'll be happy to talk with you, when you talk to me in a respectful manner." THEN they can ignore whining, but reward respectful communication with talking.
· The example of ignoring the 5 year-old boy who refuses to go to bed merely allows him to get away with the behavior. There needs to be a consequence, such loss of TV or Gameboy privileges.
· In recommending consequences be accomplished with a minimum of words, the authors err in under-explaining consequences to children. Explain once and clearly so the child knows exactly why the consequence was enacted. Do not be drawn into a battle, but do explain!
· A few examples contradict authors' own points. They say to use logical consequences when tasks are not completed, yet the 13 year-old who refuses to bring groceries in the house is cheerfully told, "Well maybe next week." No consequences at all!
· Food should NEVER be withheld as a consequence, unlike some of the examples in the book. This is cruel and unusual punishment in the short-term, and can contribute to eating disorders in the long-term.
· The sample 14-day "Parent Progress Diary" is 14 pages of filler. It would suffice to provide one blank page and suggest the parent reproduces it.

Despite the weaknesses, I still recommend the book based on the strength of the main ideas. However, since there are some faulty examples, I recommend discretion in applying the concepts.