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Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start Paperback – Bargain Price, March 14, 2000


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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

There are few things on the planet that can drive an adult crazy as fast as a ceaselessly whining child--we are often reduced to tantrums ourselves by this incessant complaining. If we were just better parents, our kids wouldn't have to act this way to get our attention, right? Not exactly. Whining happens because, often, it works. Whining also happens at any age and in many forms, and can be a very destructive behavior pattern if allowed to continue into adulthood. In this extremely useful and practical little book (you can read it in a couple of sittings), the authors explain how whining functions for both the child and parent and how the latter can deal with it. The recommended techniques are based on the work of pioneering psychiatrist Alfred Adler, and are gentle and respectful to both parent and child but also firm in setting limits for acceptable behavior. Authors Audrey Ricker and Carolyn Crowder teach parents how to dive beneath the admittedly choppy surface of whining by communicating assertively and then to change things from underneath the maelstrom. Numerous "real-life" examples are offered, as well as corresponding methods of response, but the scripts wisely shy away from a simplistic "one-size-fits-all" solution. The notebook at the back of the book will help families keep track of exactly what is going on and assist in reducing whining so that everyone in the family interacts more peacefully and productively. --Katherine Ferguson

About the Author

Audrey Ricker, Ph.D., is a parent and veteran teacher who has worked with children of all ages. Carolyn Crowder, Ph.D., is a psychologist who teaches parenting classes and works as a therapist in the public school system. They are the authors of Backtalk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids. Both live in Tucson, Arizona.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 160 pages
  • Publisher: Fireside (March 14, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0684857421
  • ASIN: B001SARDJ2
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,061,657 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

3.9 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

95 of 95 people found the following review helpful By Gina Campellone on March 24, 2000
Format: Paperback
I always believed that I had the most wonderfully behaved child in the world, and I patted myself on the back for being such a wise parent ... AND THEN MY SON TURNED FOUR! In my quest for a solution to the whining and antics of my preschooler I have read countless books on parenting and positive discipline. But none can compare to Whining: Three Steps to Stopping it Before the Tears and Tantrums Start. The information in this book is concise and practical. The techniques described (yes, there really are just three steps) are easy to understand and easy to implement. The book is short enough in length so as not to intimidate an already overwhelmed parent. I devoured it hungrily in one sitting, then read it again more slowly. In short, this book makes a lot of sense. My husband and I began using the three steps and noticed a significant improvement in our son's behavior almost immediately. Whining ... is an excellent resource to parents and anyone who works with children (or whiny adults, for that matter!)
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39 of 41 people found the following review helpful By Groovy Vegan VINE VOICE on August 19, 2002
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The main ideas of the Whining book are good and from what I've witnessed, effective not only for stopping whining, but for the personal growth of the child. Unfortunately, some of the secondary points and applications of the main points contradict the main points, and can even be harmful to the child, short and long-term. Overall, I recommend the book, however, a parent must be careful in picking and choosing which of these principles and applications to follow:
Strengths and good points:
· Clear, concise writing.
· The book does a fairly good job defining whining, its purpose and the disservice this does to the child and the family.
· Good idea: When a whining incident occurs in public, remove the child from the scene.
· Another good idea: Parents announce ahead of time that whining will result in an automatic "no". It's important not to reward whining.
· The authors recommend logical consequences for whining, no second chances.
· The recommendations for assertive and respectful communication to children are excellent ones. Do not yell at children or sink to any disrespectful communication with them.
· The chapter on providing children with responsibility in the family (chores) so they'll feel like important contributing members is an excellent one. Important contributing members are less likely to seek attention in negative ways. Furthermore, they learn responsibility and become less self-centered.

Weaknesses and bad points:
· Bad idea: The authors instruct parents to ignore children completely when they whine at home. This undermines the idea that parents are to treat children with respect. The silent treatment is completely disrespectful whether the person on the receiving end is a child or adult.
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33 of 34 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 5, 2000
Format: Paperback
Despite the picture of a 2-3 year old child on the cover, this book has very few examples of how to deal with Toddlers. Virtually all of the advice and examples deal with school age children (6 yrs+).
The other problem for me was that the book is more focused on getting your child to stop whining and having tantrums about things THEY WANT. It has virtually no advice for getting children to do things YOU NEED them to do (take medicine, let you change a diaper, etc.)-- these were the areas where I was having the most trouble.
Don't get me wrong - this would be a great book for parents of older children. Some of the advice is usable for toddlers, but this book would have benefited from a section devoted to little ones who do not understand "I felt.. when you.." conversation. I was hoping to get a head start with my toddler so I wouldn't need a book like this when she was older. I didn't really find the advice here.
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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Jennifer on May 7, 2000
Format: Paperback
WOW, The title says it all for me. I have a little girl 16 months that I used to rarely be able to take her in public for fear of her tantrums or whining. WITHIN two days of ipmlementation of the ideas in the book I saw a BIG improvment. My INLAWS jaws dropped as my daughter sat thru a WHOLE meal with us 4 days later. As I am writing this my daughter has come to my lap, pointed to the box of cookies and said "Mom peez" What a great gift stumbling on this book has become for my daughter. I can be assured she will grow up with the skills necessary to communicate effectively. I look forward to any and all new books from this author.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on June 9, 2001
Format: Paperback
I really loved this book and my boys ages 2.5 and just turned 4 have really turned around. My 4 year old was so whiny I got the book for him, but it worked even better at taming the tantrums of my two year old that I had chalked up to "normal" 2year old behavior. The most important element, the one I was missing is the element of contribution. They are doing chores, and helping out and really enjoying it. Dinner time is a delight now. They behave and sit until they are done and then clear their plates. It has only been a few weeks and I was amazed immediately.
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 21, 2000
Format: Paperback
Most of the examples and ideas in the book pertain to older children -- but it's the younger ones who whine! The idea of ignoring a whining child really doesn't stop a preschooler from whining - they'll just follow you out of the room! I didn't find a lot of specific answers that I was hoping for. If you want a book with more specific and realistic ideas check out this one: Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading. I found it to have many practical solutions to whining and more.
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