Customer Reviews

Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I always believed that I had the most wonderfully behaved child in the world, and I patted myself on the back for being such a wise parent ... AND THEN MY SON TURNED FOUR! In my quest for a solution to the whining and antics of my preschooler I have read countless books on parenting and positive discipline. But none can compare to Whining: Three Steps to Stopping it Before the Tears and Tantrums Start. The information in this book is concise and practical. The techniques described (yes, there really are just three steps) are easy to understand and easy to implement. The book is short enough in length so as not to intimidate an already overwhelmed parent. I devoured it hungrily in one sitting, then read it again more slowly. In short, this book makes a lot of sense. My husband and I began using the three steps and noticed a significant improvement in our son's behavior almost immediately. Whining ... is an excellent resource to parents and anyone who works with children (or whiny adults, for that matter!)

Despite the picture of a 2-3 year old child on the cover, this book has very few examples of how to deal with Toddlers. Virtually all of the advice and examples deal with school age children (6 yrs+).

The other problem for me was that the book is more focused on getting your child to stop whining and having tantrums about things THEY WANT. It has virtually no advice for getting children to do things YOU NEED them to do (take medicine, let you change a diaper, etc.)-- these were the areas where I was having the most trouble.

Don't get me wrong - this would be a great book for parents of older children. Some of the advice is usable for toddlers, but this book would have benefited from a section devoted to little ones who do not understand "I felt.. when you.." conversation. I was hoping to get a head start with my toddler so I wouldn't need a book like this when she was older. I didn't really find the advice here.

The main ideas of the Whining book are good and from what I've witnessed, effective not only for stopping whining, but for the personal growth of the child. Unfortunately, some of the secondary points and applications of the main points contradict the main points, and can even be harmful to the child, short and long-term. Overall, I recommend the book, however, a parent must be careful in picking and choosing which of these principles and applications to follow:

Strengths and good points:
· Clear, concise writing.
· The book does a fairly good job defining whining, its purpose and the disservice this does to the child and the family.
· Good idea: When a whining incident occurs in public, remove the child from the scene.
· Another good idea: Parents announce ahead of time that whining will result in an automatic "no". It's important not to reward whining.
· The authors recommend logical consequences for whining, no second chances.
· The recommendations for assertive and respectful communication to children are excellent ones. Do not yell at children or sink to any disrespectful communication with them.
· The chapter on providing children with responsibility in the family (chores) so they'll feel like important contributing members is an excellent one. Important contributing members are less likely to seek attention in negative ways. Furthermore, they learn responsibility and become less self-centered.

Weaknesses and bad points:
· Bad idea: The authors instruct parents to ignore children completely when they whine at home. This undermines the idea that parents are to treat children with respect. The silent treatment is completely disrespectful whether the person on the receiving end is a child or adult. And I'm sure parents don't want to encourage their children to tune them out! The parent can do a modified form of ignoring by saying, "I'll be happy to talk with you, when you talk to me in a respectful manner." THEN they can ignore whining, but reward respectful communication with talking.
· The example of ignoring the 5 year-old boy who refuses to go to bed merely allows him to get away with the behavior. There needs to be a consequence, such loss of TV or Gameboy privileges.
· In recommending consequences be accomplished with a minimum of words, the authors err in under-explaining consequences to children. Explain once and clearly so the child knows exactly why the consequence was enacted. Do not be drawn into a battle, but do explain!
· A few examples contradict authors' own points. They say to use logical consequences when tasks are not completed, yet the 13 year-old who refuses to bring groceries in the house is cheerfully told, "Well maybe next week." No consequences at all!
· Food should NEVER be withheld as a consequence, unlike some of the examples in the book. This is cruel and unusual punishment in the short-term, and can contribute to eating disorders in the long-term.
· The sample 14-day "Parent Progress Diary" is 14 pages of filler. It would suffice to provide one blank page and suggest the parent reproduces it.

Despite the weaknesses, I still recommend the book based on the strength of the main ideas. However, since there are some faulty examples, I recommend discretion in applying the concepts.

WOW, The title says it all for me. I have a little girl 16 months that I used to rarely be able to take her in public for fear of her tantrums or whining. WITHIN two days of ipmlementation of the ideas in the book I saw a BIG improvment. My INLAWS jaws dropped as my daughter sat thru a WHOLE meal with us 4 days later. As I am writing this my daughter has come to my lap, pointed to the box of cookies and said "Mom peez" What a great gift stumbling on this book has become for my daughter. I can be assured she will grow up with the skills necessary to communicate effectively. I look forward to any and all new books from this author.

Most of the examples and ideas in the book pertain to older children -- but it's the younger ones who whine! The idea of ignoring a whining child really doesn't stop a preschooler from whining - they'll just follow you out of the room! I didn't find a lot of specific answers that I was hoping for. If you want a book with more specific and realistic ideas check out this one: Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading. I found it to have many practical solutions to whining and more.

I really loved this book and my boys ages 2.5 and just turned 4 have really turned around. My 4 year old was so whiny I got the book for him, but it worked even better at taming the tantrums of my two year old that I had chalked up to "normal" 2year old behavior. The most important element, the one I was missing is the element of contribution. They are doing chores, and helping out and really enjoying it. Dinner time is a delight now. They behave and sit until they are done and then clear their plates. It has only been a few weeks and I was amazed immediately.

What a helpful book! It's a good follow up for the Sears' "Discipline Book" which does a good job of getting you attached to your baby, but doesn't give real practicle methodes for dealing with an already spoiled, whiney child. "Whining," has given me a way to effectively deal with our daughter's less than desirable behavior!

I have a 2 year old and this book was great. We are just now dealing with trantrums and a constant whiny voice. I love that it is a short book and tells you point by point examples and situations. It also gives examples on how to use the techniques on older shildren. It is a great find! (Techniques work on whining and complaining husbands as well! LOL) I noticed results right way with my toddler. she now stops in the middle of her whin and "talks" her sentence out. Big step for a little [one]!

I bought this book because my 1 year old boy/girl twins (expecially my son) had really started whining a lot over the past month. I wanted to get some help on how to stop it before it got out of hand completely. The last thing I want is a whiney child that stays that way through toddlerhood and early childhood. Anyway, as I was reading this book the beginning made me really feel I'd found a goldmine. But that was when it was all theory. They kept promising that their 3-steps method would work just fine even for the pre-lingual baby. So I kept reading and reading and finally reached the end of the book without finding a single example of how to apply the method to 9-15 month olds who have no vocabulary. They talked about how to simply get up and leave the room ignoring a whining child acting as if you don't even see the child. Obviously this isn't going to work with a baby who must be supervised at all times. This book is a sore disappointment for a parent who needs help to stop the whining in a young toddler/pre-toddler.

Children are more intelligent than you think. They know how to get results by whining and adults even encourage them to do this. When a child whines, it is not about a toy which they canot have nor the things they have been forbidden to do. It is about being able to show mother and father how much power they posses. Our first child is nearing his 3rd birthday and the whining had increased to intolerable levels. We have found a great amount of success in using the exercises in this book. It has taken several weeks for our child to finally come around but it has worked well. It doesn't work all the time but the tantrums and the commanding have subsided dramatically. I do not believe there is any one particular authority on child behavior because all children are able to learn but all children learn differently... Understanding why children whine makes it much easier to implement these solutions which sometime can appear to be somewhat harsh if one hasn't read the whole book.