Customer Reviews

The Whole Life Adoption Book: Realistic Advice for Building a Healthy Adoptive Family

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3 star:		(1)
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1 star:		(2)

 

 

Do not make the mistake of buying earlier editions of this terrific volume. The new, June 2008 edition is considerably longer and more detailed than the original book, good though that is.

First off, this edition deals in much greater detail with questions and issues surrounding the inter-country adoption process, which today is governed by the Hague Convention for International Adoptions. (Would that the convention had been in effect when we adopted abroad.)

From our perspective, a decade-plus into the adoption experience, some of the material here is of little interest. But for families considering adoption or in the early stages of building and adoptive family, there is much good advice, beginning with discussions of the healthiest motivations for wanting to adopt, and acceptance of the "foundational realities."

It's appalling to learn here how many families have adopted children and never told them they were adopted. It should be understood that children have a right to know where they come from, even if the available details are very sparse. Along with accepting that foundation is the reality that adoption generally involves healing for the adoptive parents as well as the child. In most cases, the parents must accept their inability to conceive; they must also understand that their child suffers --- and will continue to do so --- from a Primal Wound that requires nursing and extra care to heal.

The book also has excellent chapters on attachment trauma and the difficulties of dealing with adopted kids during their teens. Children may say being adopted has been easy for them. And children adopted as infants, especially, do fare pretty well. But the fact is that at least 5% of children adopted as infants have extraordinarily difficult teen years --- much more so than the average child raised in his or her biological family.

And another fact is that raising an adopted child is a much different deal than raising one's biological child. There are a vast range of questions and issues that just don't come up with the latter. And while adopted kids generally emerge from the teenage years in good shape, helping them through this rough period requires super-parents. Don't go into it if you're not prepared.

Kids and families want control of their lives. This book can help give them control where otherwise, thanks to all the unknowns and separations, they might feel helpless. (I also recommend Beneath the Mask.)

Finally, the book reassures adoptive parents fearful of their child's search for his or her birth parents. Personally, I can't imagine feeling that way, but apparently it's very common. The experience of finding birth parents, in our case, was healing for all members of the adoption triad --- our child, the birth parents, and us, the adoptive parents. My advice: if it looks even remotely possible, try.

This book, though, explains that searching and learning a child's origin and "story" can most often help them resolve questions and issues, without which, the child will probably lead a much less productive and meaningful life.

This is a book that adoptive parents certainly need, for their child's whole life. As in holistic, and whole.

--- Alyssa A. Lappen

I work with adoptive parents who are just getting their children (from the child welfare system). This book helps parents figure out what questions they need to be asking. It also is very instrumental in showing us what kinds of issues might come up 2, 5, 10 years from now for an adopted child. Just last night, i had another adoptive parent who is about to finalize their adoption rave about this book. Sometimes it is hard to see beyond a child's need today, but we must be prepared for tomorrow, and this book helps us to do that.

This title is clearly one of the better adoption resource books on the market. It contains a large amount of practical yet thoughtful advice and brings to the attention of adoptive (or potential adoptive) parent considerations that clearly are appropriate but that may not have been obvious before reading the book. The first section of the book clearly would benefit prospective adoptive parents as they work through a myriad of issues before and during the adoption process.

The Whole Life Adoption Book was required reading by our adoption agency. It contains a lot of good information on adoption for all different types including: domestic, international, foster-care, birth, older child, etc.

While we will keep the book because of some good sections we can use for reference, I felt that the majority of the stories and examples came from the same families or always related to adopting a child at birth. Some other items are never addressed in the book such as: Cost, CPS' role, process of adoption (international, private, or foster-care), etc.

I know the author wanted to keep the book to a manageable length and the items that are missing can vary in each state, country, and situation, but more information could definitely be given.

I believe this book is a great resource for any adoptive parent, however, the book seems to be more for domestic adoption rather than international adoption. This is especially true of the chapter "Searching for a Past: Why adopted Children Seek Their Roots and How Parents Can Respond". My issue is that since my daughter is adopted from China there is absolutely no way that I can help her find out anything about her birth parents. In China, babies are abandoned. Birth parents do not have the option to take a child to the proper autorities to be placed for adoption, they do not get to make an adoption plan. Due to governmental restrictions birth parents are prohibited from doing these things. So what do I tell my daughter when she wants to find her birth parents? I was hoping for some direction in this book but found none. Also, the section on how to explain Abandonment does not work for children adopted from China because that is never how it happens there. This book is an excellent resource for parents adopting domestically and was helpful in explaining things that all adopted children will go through regardless of when they were adopted.

If you are considering older child adoption - from U.S. foster care, an international orphanage, or even your own family, please read this book. It gives a great outline of what to think about before choosing adoption- what kind of adoption, what kind of child, and what kind of agency - is a good fit for your family. Also positive suggestions on how to explain adoption to your family before adopting and to your community after adopting and to your children throughout the entire process.
This book seemed very "overview"; while there were good suggestions, I'd like to read more detailed information about many of the topics.
The book seemed to focus on adoption of older children, which might seem more unusual to your family or community. There was also a lot of talk about adopting a child after already having biological or adopted children in your home.
While the book is published by a Christian company, and does reference some Christian ideas (explaining adoption to your child's sunday school teacher, explaining to your child that we are all children of God) it's not a religiously focused book. Any adoptive family can learn from it.

Adoption can be a wonderful and rewarding way to grow a family. But, like anything that is life changing, it is often a good idea to go into it with as much information as possible. Or, following an adoption, parents may still have questions that need answers. Enter The Whole Life Adoption Book.

In this revised and updated book (original was published in 1993), people exploring or living life as an adoptive family can find many answers they seek. Topics range greatly and cover most, if not all, aspects of adoption. A few are: what to consider before you adopt, adopting and parenting a child with special needs, understanding attachment and the impact of trauma, how to communicate about adoption from infancy through adolescence, and searching for birthparents.

They discuss positive word choices and negative family responses. And this revised version explores more thoroughly the aspects of international adoption and transcultural adoption in response to the adoption boom in those areas.

I found this book to be highly informative if not a little dry. It is fact filled, and when discussing so many different aspects of the adoption process, there probably wasn't much room for feel-good fluff-though it did seem to focus on the problems one encounters when adopting. Again, good information to have, but it occasionally left me panicky. It might very well scare off people just beginning to explore the idea of adopting.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that though this book is all encompassing, it is by no means a one stop adoption resource. Those looking into domestic infant adoption or foster adoption or international adoption will want to also look for resources that cover those specific aspects more in depth. Why? Because sometimes we adoptive parents also want the beautiful warm fuzzies.

Armchair Interviews says: Excellent resource, but be aware, it is mostly about the possible problems, none of the joys and successes of adoption.

Everyone likes a well stocked tool box.
You know those pliers or wrenches that you may only need one time a year or less but you should have on stock just in case.

this is that toolbox for adoptive families or relatives.
Everything is covered in a very consise way in order to give you a perfect and easy to use refence book to come back to when you have a need or an issues arises.

We have been thinking about adoption, so when I saw this book for a good price on my Kindle, I snatched it up quickly!

Bottom line: This book is very good. It gives an overview of adoption, lots of comments from adoptive parents and adoptees, and a special emphasis on attachment problems that can occur with adoptive children.

If you are thinking about adopting, have adopted, and/or are concerned about attachment disorders in children, I recommend this book.

If you are an adoptive parent as I am, this book will be invaluable to you. If you are considering adoption, I would definitely get this book ASAP. It is highly recommended by adoption placement managers as well as adoption advocate groups.