The Whole Parent : How to Become a Terrific Parent Even If You Didn't Have One [Hardcover]

Debra Wesselmann (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 21, 1998

In The Whole Parent, parents are taken on a compelling, in-depth journey of discovery and healing that can help them improve their lives and the lives of their children. Wesselmann, an expert in parent-child counseling, contends that contrary to what most people believe, parental instincts are not born to us. Despite the best intentions and genuine love for their children, parents who grew up with inadequate nurturing find themselves trapped in a generational cycle of problematic parent-child relationships. The author shows how moms and dads struggle with shame and frustration as parental ghosts of the past affect their relationships with their children.This is an invaluable guidebook for parents who want to give their children a more solid emotional foundation than the one they received from their own parents. As the author asserts, there is nothing parents can do that will have more impact on their own lives, the lives of their children, and even the lives of their grandchildren than to break unhealthy patterns of relating.The Whole Parent courageously shows parents how to create a new, complete family legacy that will be passed down for generations.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

"(This book) addresses the part of each one of us that prevents us (despite having read all the good ideas) from being the parent we want to be. Debra offers concrete exercises to work on so we can overcome the obstacles we have to becoming terrific parents. It is a book needed in an onslaught of good ideas." -Debra Combs, L.C.S.W., Founder, Attachment and Bonding Center of Omaha, Nebraska

"Debra Wesselmann captures the critical importance of one's life experiences as they relate to parenting. She insightfully pulls together how parents' and children's issues often intersect to create emotional impasses in the family. Wesselmann provides creative strategies for mending and strengthening the parent-child connection and relationship. Any parent or professional will find this book an invaluable resource." -Gregory C. Keck, Ph.D., Psychologist and Founder of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, Cleveland, Ohio

"A sensitive and sensible guide for parents who want to learn more than parenting skills. The Whole Parent is for all parents who want to take an in-depth look at how their own childhoods, in particular relationships with their own parents, influence present-day relationships with their children." -Ann E. Potter, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist; Author, Inside Out: Rebuilding Self and Personality through Inner Child Therapy

"The Whole Parent is about internal change, not just prescriptions. Profound, lucid, and extremely useful, the book takes parents by the hand, providing insight, wisdom, and practical exercises so they can become effective, loving parents. I highly recommend it!" -Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D., Author, Women, Sex, and Addiction and Finding Joy

"What a relief! Debra Wesselmann doesn't make parents feel guilty. She makes it so much easier to examine our parenting flaws, and change them, when we understand why we do what we do." -Anne Stirling Hastings, Ph.D., Author, Treating Sexual Shame: A New Map for Overcoming Dysfunction, Abuse, and Addiction and Body and Soul: Sexuality on the Brink of Change

(This book) goes beyond parenting tecyniques - it provides the template for creating healthy families for generations, which is real wisdom." -Janet McGivern, M.D., Omaha, Nebraska

About the Author

Author Debra Wesselmann was born and raised in Nebraska and attended the University of Nebraska at the Lincoln and Omaha campuses to obtain her bachelor's degree in education in 1978. She taught elementary school in the late seventies and early eighties to children in an area deeply troubled by violence, poverty, alcoholism, and drug addiction. She witnessed the undeniable effects the families' problems had on her students' emotions and functioning, and never forgot the emotional anguish of four young students who lost parents to suicide.

Debra married her husband in 1977 and became a step-mother to two young boys. She and her husband had a son together in 1982, and a two-year-old daughter joined the family through adoption in 1985. A second daughter was born to Debra and her husband in 1990. Debra received her master's degree in counseling in 1989 and immediately began specializing in work with adults, parents, and children affected by trauma, abuse, addictions, and depression.

Debra is certified in the use of hypnosis through the American Society of Clinical, Hypnosis. She is also a Level II practitioner of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a trauma resolution technique. She has taught as an adjunct professor in the University of Nebraska at Omaha counseling program, and continues to supervise student interns. She has conducted many workshops and seminars on the topic of attachment and parenting for both parents and professionals around the country. Her private practice is located in Omaha, Nebraska where she lives with her husband and their three children.

Debra developed a special interest in the area of attachment and began studying the research intensively early in her career for two reasons. First, the research in the field of attachment gave Debra insight that was tremendously helpful to her in understanding her daughter's issues related to her adoption and her earliest years of life. Second, Debra discovered that the knowledge she was gaining allowed her to view her clients' difficulties from a new perspective, and that with the attachment perspective she could zero in on the real problems - the most core issues - preventing happy, healthy family relationships. Through her studies and clinical work, Debra was struck by the advantages securely attached children and adults have over insecurely attached individuals, in terms of life-long emotional health and a sense of belonging.

In both her clinical experience and in the research Debra found strong evidence that insecure attachment typically carries over from one generation to the next. Debra discovered that because parents' emotional responses to their children are rooted in the past, in order to help parents break unhealthy patterns she had to help them overcome their own attachment histories. She became determined to educate parents about attachment and help more parents break the generational cycle. Debra envisions a world where more kids can have the advantages that a secure attachment provides, allowing them to become secure, happy, and responsible adults.

Throughout the writing of the book Debra of course continued to parent her own three children. However, there was never a chance that she could forget her most important role as her youngest daughter one day remarked, "Mom, make sure you write in your book that all the moms who are writing books should remember that their seven-year olds still need lots of attention."

Product Details

• Hardcover: 366 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press (August 21, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0306459930
• ISBN-13: 978-0306459931
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 1.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,268,874 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Deb Wesselmann's book is an invaluable resource for parents., February 20, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Whole Parent : How to Become a Terrific Parent Even If You Didn't Have One (Hardcover)

Deb Wesselmann's book is an invaluable resource for providing the essential tools to establish healthier parent-child relationships. The Whole Parent: How to Become a Terrific Parent Even If You Didn't Have One contains critical information for those people who experienced painful childhoods. The book is just as important to parents who would like to increase the emotional well being of their families. Ms. Wesselmann's approach takes the reader through a clearly mapped out journey which provides keys to unlocking emotional barriers built during childhood. Powerful and inspirational personal stories of people who are overcoming desperately difficult pasts are included in the initial and final chapters. In these times of increasingly complicated and varied family structures, The Whole Parent is an excellent guide for obtaining and maintaining sound, healthy family relationships.

14 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars As a teacher, parent, and grandparent, it's relevant., February 20, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Whole Parent : How to Become a Terrific Parent Even If You Didn't Have One (Hardcover)

When you realize how much went into this book, you are overwhelmed. The level of detail and specific suggestions makes it unique. It's like peeling an onion; each layer seems more true to what I know about kids as a 26 year teaching veteran. Those I've worried about the most are in this book along with those I've loved. Perhaps what I liked best was the way it made me think back--not only to the raising of my own sons but also to my childhood. I look for positive connections to tell me what life is all about, and I believe The Whole Parent has them. Debra Wesselmann has crafted a loving validation for us all along with a chance to be whole.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book for Understanding Why We Do What We Do, October 19, 2010

By 

Vanessa Van Treese (Columbus, Ohio United States) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Whole Parent: How To Become A Terrific Parent Even If You Didn't Have One (Paperback)

I'm a therapist and I use this book with my clients to help them understand how they've developed the feelings and attitudes that they have whether they're a parent or not. Some of my clients have been deeply moved by what they've read. The author does a good job at giving the reader ways to understand and change the patterns that get in his/her way. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to understand more about his/her inner world and who wants to make conscious and better
choices in life.