Customer Reviews

The Wholehearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship

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Everyone would agree that marriage is a matter of the heart.

Then why do marriages grow stale and fail? Once again, it is a matter of the heart.

In their book The Wholehearted Marriage, counselors Greg Smalley & Shawn Stoever pound home this one simple point: you can't improve a marriage relationship without focusing on the heart. All the conflict resolution, financial planning, dating tips, & sex guides in the world will not help a marriage unless you have "two hearts fully open and engaged." Consequently, the book guides the reader through steps to "understand, unclog, & unleash" the heart in marriage.

In the first part of the book the authors deal with understanding the heart and its central role in life & relationships. Their basic principle that a closed heart will not be able to love and engage in a relationship is important, and I think many marriages fail for precisely this reason. We've all seen marriages where two people pledged themselves to each other & to God, and yet ended up turning away. The underlying reason often comes down to one person closing their heart to the other.

From understanding the heart the authors move on to unclogging the heart. There are chapters on helping to heal the wounded heart, helping to open up the fearful heart, and helping the exhausted heart to gain strength. Their view of the heart is similar to that of popular author John Eldredge and some other psychologists. I find their views and advice to often be helpful but also theologically shallow. There are some real problems with the heart, especially concerning the sin nature, which are not adequately covered in this view. Like Eldredge, they also make mention of the Spirit directly revealing specific information to us, which likewise wades into some murky waters.

The final division of the book becomes more practical, with chapters on caring and speaking to your mate's heart, as well the importance of laughter and enjoyment in the context of a relationship. These chapters are a helpful read, but are fairly standard relationship booster material.

Overall, I think their one simple point remains the great strength of the book: there's no point in working on any issue in a marriage until you start working on the heart first. We all would do well to keep the heart at the heart of every marriage.

I got this book for free on a website, with the only reason being I had to read and review it. Being newly married, I was looking forward to reading a book about marriage, because I know that getting encouragement and reading and learning about other's experiences could only be a help. I know there are many books out there about marriage and it's hard to find the right one you want to read, because who is to say it will be a help you or not?

Many people know Gary Smalley, the writer of over 28 books on marriage and other topics, but now is son Greg Smalley is following in his footsteps to write books, and bring marriages together. Greg Smalley, co-authors this book with Shawn Stoever and together they make a great team! Their humor lights up the pages and makes for fast reading, and the things they share really make the book become real. They give personal life stories, tons of examples, and really share their hearts on the matter of living and loving whole-heartedly.

Not only did I learn about marriage and what it really takes to make a great marriage, but I learned a lot about myself. This book shows that no marriage is perfect, but every marriage can have the chance to last a lifetime. It just starts with the heart! Come along this journery and discover things you never knew about your spouse, your marriage, and yourself!

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Before reading this book, I was initially very surprised by the subtitle: "Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship." Isn't a person's relationship with God even more important than his or her marriage relationship? After digging into the book, this does indeed appear to be an oversight. I doubt that either author would argue that marriage is more important than the divine-human relationship. However, such an obvious theological blunder on the cover of this book really tainted my perception of it.

Nevertheless, this book turned out to be quite helpful. It focuses heavily on the heart. Most men will have a natural aversion to all this mushy talk about the heart, but the authors immediately attempt to blow away such notions with an unconvincing illustration in the introduction. However, instead of a persuasive argument that real men need to consider these things, they left the impression that they are... wimps. Similarly, I found the authors' attempts to engage the reader through illustration and example to be somewhat lacking throughout the book.

With that said, the practical and detailed instructions in this book for improving marriages are excellent. My wife and I really enjoyed spending some time with this book and working through some of the recommended exercises.

Therefore, I recommend this book more for marriages that are semi-strong but could be stronger, than for marriages that are falling apart.

We heard Greg Smalley speak on this topic at the American Christian Counselor's convention in Nashville in September. He was a great and entertaining speaker and his message was truly inspiring. Even couples who have a good relationship could benefit from this book. It talks about how we can either close or open our spouse's heart by the things we say and do to keep our relationships "safe".

The Wholehearted Marriage is excellent material for those preparing to marry, newly married, those in mid-life, and those who have passed their Golden Anniversary, as have my wife and I. We have both read it, continue to refer to it, and have given more than 35 copies (obtained through Amazon) to other couples. It is informative, insightful, inspirational and downright entertaining.

Unlike a different reviewer I think the title The Wholehearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship ACURATELY describes the focus of the book. Unfortunately that person's negativity towards anything that mentions a spiritual perspective stopped him from reading what the author (a PhD in Psychology who is actively involved at two relationship counseling centers with high success rates) is saying... Your heart HAS to be open and engaged before ANY steps towards an improved marriage will work. I have been to one of Greg Smalley PhD's "DNA of relationships" seminars with Rob Paul PhD and would say that this book belongs in the top five of all relationship books... Not that it covers such a vast number of subjects so much as this IS a critical first step.

Having been married (for a short while) to an individual who's heart was fully self focused and being now married to a woman who is working at opening her heart (she bought the book). I can attest to the importance of the concept described in this book... spiritual or otherwise.

The DNA of Relationships (Smalley Franchise Products) by his Father, Gary Smalley PhD or The DNA of Relationships for Couples (Smalley Franchise Products) by Greg Smalley PhD and Rob Paul PhD will be much more usefull if you read The Wholehearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship first.

I purchased this book because I didn't feel like my wife was "engaged" in our relationship. (To be fair, I'm sure she would have said the same about me.) But when I started reading the book, it was full of Bible quotes and scripture references. If the book is going to rely on the authors' religious beliefs----and regligious biases----to establish a reference for being engaged in the marriage, the title or subtitle should have said so. I'll let this be a lesson to me to always read excerpts before buying a book on line. But, I'm glad I only wasted $10 on it-----I'll mail it to my brother who is a minister.