Who's Pushing Your Buttons? [Hardcover]

John Townsend (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 13, 2004

Dr. Townsend introduces a revolutionary approach for reaching out to, confronting, negotiating with and setting appropriate limits for the difficult people in our life.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

You can regain control of your life and stop the stress

We all have at least one--a difficult person who know how to push our buttons and make us crazy. When we're really at wits end, our first inclination is to walk away. But Dr. John Townsend says that in his experience, most people give up too soon on their button-pusher. "They have a limited repertoire of responses, none of which are effective. So they resign themselves in hopelessness."

Instead of leaving your spouse or date, severing family ties, or breaking off a friendship in order to find peace, why not try something new? In this insightful book, Dr. Townsend introduces a revolutionary approach for reaching out to, confronting negotiating with, and setting appropriate limits for the button-pushers you know. It's an approach that holds out great hope for difficult people--and great encouragement for those of us who love them.

"Difficult, button-pushing people can and do change, in deep and long-lasting ways, all the time. I have seen it, and many other have witnessed and been a part of it. God has been in the business of changing difficult people for eons." the author of this book assures us. Find out what role you can play in changing your relationship.

About the Author

Dr. John Townsend is a popular speaker, psychologist, co-host of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and co-founder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He is the author of many books, as well as co-author of the 2003 Retailers Choice Award-winning God Will Make a Way and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries (over 1 million copies sold). He maintains a private practice in Newport Beach, California, and lives with his wife and children in Los Angeles.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson; 1ST edition (July 13, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591450101
• ISBN-13: 978-1591450108
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #340,460 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. John Townsend is a leadership coach, psychologist and business consultant. He has authored or co-authored 26 books, selling 5 million copies. His bestseller "Boundaries" sold 2 million copies. He is cohost of the nationally-syndicated radio program "New Life Live", aired on 180 markets with a listenership of 3 million.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

74 of 78 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Have you ever had someone "push your buttons"?, December 5, 2004

By 

Michael Erisman (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Who's Pushing Your Buttons? (Hardcover)

This book is one of those that I picked up solely based on the title and a challenging work relationship I was experiencing. The self-evident reality is that we all have people in our life in some degree or another who "push our buttons". However, what is always the real trick is how we successfully navigate such situations and accomplish what is needed while not damaging the relationship further. I was hoping this book had some insights.

The basic structure of how the ideas of the book are communicated starts with understanding and diagnosing the situation, then looking at our own past and how we effect our current relationships, and finally what resources we can draw on to continue to grow. I found the most interesting of the insights were in the sections about our own roles. For example, often we bring into a difficult relationship a very unrealistic expectation of the worldview of the other person (Page 5). These expectations often create the very problem we blame on others. Whether this is a generational gap with our kids, or simply just a different way of viewing the world, the effect is that unless we acknowledge and seek to understand, the other's behaviors will continue to baffle us.

Another fascinating approach is how the author here attacks our often self-motivated conflict avoidance. (Page 50) When we fail to provide feedback regarding another's behavior and its effect, we essentially "hate" that person by placing our own self interests ahead of the true caring for the other. Strong words indeed, but plenty of examples are outlined that show how this works.

The last half of the book centers on various resources a person can use to improve difficult relationships. I found these to be useful, but not really unique. Nonetheless, I agree with the author that proper use of these resources can change our lives.

Overall, this is a very good book. If you have someone in your life that has a tendency to "push your buttons" or are otherwise difficult to deal with then I have no doubts that much of this material will be useful. The book is easy to read, contains great examples and is written in a conversational tone during the narrative and an easy to absorb format when presenting concepts. Recommended.

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sanity Saver, June 6, 2005

By 

Erica Taylor (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Who's Pushing Your Buttons? (Hardcover)

This book is a wonderful and practical guide to saving your sanity in the midst of a relationship with the difficult person in your life. I stumbled on to this at the bookstore (I came home and ordered it for 1/2 the price on Amazon)during a time that I was trying to figure out how to deal with a loved one with a personality disorder. I took it to my therapist, who has since reviewed it and recommends it to many of his clients. It is not specific in dealing with an individual with any specific disorder; there is actually no labeling at all beyond the term "botton pusher". This is so helpful! The guidance within creates hope, and provides very practical tools,where as the books I've read from the the secular psychology world put these people in a box. Psychology alone provides much of the same advice, but with very little promise of living a better life with your difficult person. I can't recommend it enough!

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good Solid Help , but be warned you may find that YOU are a button pusher, December 6, 2005

By 

Todd Sullivan "The Esteem of the World Isn't ... (Mount Vernon, WA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Who's Pushing Your Buttons? (Hardcover)

I bought this book because I needed some support in dealing with a couple button pushers in my life and was not disappointed in this books teaching. In this book Dr. John Townsend explains that dealing with a button pusher takes a plan and that leaving is not an option in a love relationship, in fact he states boldly that leaving is for wimps.

This book has opened my eyes to may things here are a few
1- We must not be dependant on the person, we can live with and love a difficult person and still change and grow ourselves
2- That we must set boundaries and consequences and those consequences must be appropriate.
3- Even though I focus on the other persons attitudes towards me, what is it about me that draw's out those attitudes in others, how do I push buttons as well.
4- God is ultimately in charge and although it may look like the other person is not learning anything or having to deal with the nasty behavior, all people pay for their actions one way or the other and you cant run from God and he will in fact make things more difficult on the person in order for them to repent and return to him.

Although this book is no landmark on the subject it does offer solid ideas and help on a difficult subject and I would recommend it to anyone trying to get a grasp on living in a difficult relationship.