Customer Reviews

Whose Face Is in the Mirror?: The Story of One Woman's Journey from the Nightmare of Domestic Abuse to True Healing

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Dianne left no stone unturned in this book as far as appealing to the issues that battered women deal with - why we stay, how being abused affects our thinking patterns, our health and our spirit, how we attract abusers, how we convince ourselves to live in denial, the lies we tell ourselves, how to get to the bottom of it, where to go for help and how to heal.

The story was told from the viewpoint of a woman who has recovered. She takes us back, shares her experience and focuses on HER part in it. I liked that when she went back and told her story, she never degraded or beat herself up for the bad choices she made, felt sorry for herself, nor did she make excuses. Her focus was entirely on helping the victim understand why/how she got into a relationship like this, what caused her to stay, and how to find the strength to not only leave, but to get well. She doesn't pull any punches in this book. She exposes the myriad of lies and myths that keep many women trapped in abusive relationships. (He's stressed out from his job, he had a bad childhood, he's sorry, he will change, it's not him it's the alcohol, I don't have scriptural grounds for divorce, etc.)

She also shares the learning process she went through as she was going through therapy. We get to sit on the couch beside her and watch the whole thing take place.

I don't know that I've ever read another book like it. I've read books from the viewpoint of the victim before, but not one where a woman was gutsy enough to take full responsibility without blame and use her experiences to teach others. It is truly more of a teaching tool than a sad story. I think it will help a lot of women.

She had it all. Good looks. Her own business. Even a Mrs. Arizona title. But Dianne Schwartz hid a gruesome secret. She was a victim of continued physical abuse by her first husband. How does a seemingly successful, beautiful woman fall into the snare of an abuser? Schwartz tells us, beginning with childhood issues that evolved into setting her up as a victim for domestic violence.

In the preface to Whose Face is in the Mirror, the author introduces us to an essential part of healing from abuse-ridding oneself of shame. Through her story, Schwartz seeks to share her abuse, insight into how and why she came to be abused, her steps to recovery and her ongoing journey and encouragement to other survivors of abuse.

Painful at times, this true story rings more than true - it resonates within the soul. We all have known a woman just like Dianne Schwartz - a woman who we shake our heads at and wonder, "Is she nuts? Why does she listen to that loser? Why does she go back? How can she trust him again?" No, Dianne isn't nuts, and neither is any other woman caught in the deadly game of domestic abuse. For the abuser, it's just that: a game of control. For the victim, however, it's a test of survival.

Whose Face is one short portrait into the lives of the abused and the abuser. It shows the damage done to children. It brings out childhood issues that might contribute to one's being abused. It provides answers and courage to take the steps to safety, to life.

Schwartz's no-nonsense approach is a wakeup call to women who are being abused. She challenges the many abuse victims in today's world to look in the mirror and recognize the part they play in being abused. For without a victim, the abuser cannot abuse. She exposes the lies that litter an abusive relationship, such as:

* He will change.
* We cause him to be angry and abusive.
* We want people to like our spouse (so we cover for him).
* I'm nothing without him.
* I can't make it on my own.
* I deserve to be beaten. I'm useless.
* All men are terrible.
* No other man will be attracted to me.
* I stay because I love him.
* My children need their father.

Schwartz doesn't stop there. For every lie, she exposes the truth and gives real-world answers to getting out and staying safe.

In Part Three of Whose Face, Schwartz details the healing process, including recognizing the signs of an abuser. More importantly, she educates women, through her own process of healing, of how to recognize if they are attracted to an abuser. Some of the personality traits an abuser attracter might have are:

* The need to rescue.
* Accepting abuse during the dating stage.
* A dysfunctional family history of verbal or physical abuse.

Schwartz goes several steps further and looks into the effects our abuse may be having on our children. Are we setting our children up to be either abused or to be an abuser?

Healing from abuse is not something to be done alone. Schwartz's life example illustrates the importance of therapy and recognizing a Higher Power - in Schwartz's case, that power is God. Through therapy and God, she discovered her passion in life and finally recognized whose face was in the mirror. After 42 years of living with self-hatred, this woman chose to heal, and to share her journey to self-love.

Today, Schwartz is the founder and president of Educating Against Domestic Violence, a nonprofit organization providing assistance to battered persons. She is happily and healthily married and continues to heal, as are her children.

Although sad and frightening, I was held captive to Dianne Schwartz's story. Her thoughts during her abusive marriage, throughout therapy and into recovery clearly show that a woman can turn her life around, if she finds the correct avenue and teacher. She worked hard to not only escape her abusive husband but has taken her experiences to lead other women to safety.

She has spunk! I loved her honest way of writing and her ability to be completely honest about her low self-esteem before and during her marriage. I'm amazed that she's now the founder of a non-profit organization that assists victims of domestic violence and it seems, works daily to help women trapped within the cycle of violence. She's my new role model. Thank you, Ms. Schwartz for sharing your story.

Dianne's book is the best I've read ever. She really lays it all out and gives the honest to goodness truth about domestic abuse. It takes a rare and brave person to step forward and do what she has done in this book. I hope women everywhere, no matter if you are in an abusive relationship or not, read this book and learn from it. The best chapter is "In the Mind of a Battered Woman". For anyone wanting to know what goes on in women's minds this chapter is it. Read it and know there are millions of women and men facing this everyday. Domestic violence isn't only physical violence it is mental warfare. Congrats to Dianne for writing such a wonderful book. Honesty truly is the best way to go. Good luck to Dianne in her work and her new life.

This was the key book for me in my search to escape a violent relationship. The author has obviously lived through and survived things that anyone in an abusive relationship has experienced first hand. More than anything else I read (and I read everything I could get my hands on) this book helped me get out and then beyond an awful situation. I highly recommend this book!!!!

Dianne's husband was verbally and emotionally abusive and also a batterer, but no matter what form of abuse you are dealing with this book is one you must read, because all forms of abuse are damaging to the body, mind, and spirit. As a survivor of domestic abuse this book helped renew my strength and helped me keep my resolve not to return. There were so many aspects of Dianne's story that I could relate to; from the struggle she had with leaving, to the emotional damage done to her spirit, to the extreme conditioning that happens in abusive relationships. Dianne is a true survivor and her very candid and honest approach in telling her story will help any woman, whether she is just coming to terms with the fact that she is being abused, just gathering the strength to leave, or has already gotten out and needs the validation and strength that comes from reading about others who have been there.

You can read this book in a day or two, and in some ways that's what makes it good. Battered women may need something like this, to the point but it doesn't require too much energy to wade through. No page-after-page of statistics, etc.

I liked the author, her direct, no-holds-barred attitude. She tells it like it is and that is no small feat. She has suffered. First she was emotionally abused by her father, then her husband. I thought she was very balanced in her presentation. She shows how she was a magnet for these kinds of men and how she has recovered from her need to both "play" the victim and exert neurotic control by being such a goody two-shoes.

I'm so glad she has a peaceful life now, with a loving man. That's good for battered women to see - that it is possible to love again.

And I think all women should be grateful that she was willing to put her life on the line (literally, because, after all, her abuser is still, unfortunately, among the living) for others. Way to go, Dianne - you're one of my heroes!

If you could give a book 6 stars on Amazon, I would give this book 6 stars.

Once in a while, a book comes along that actually SAVES LIVES. This is one such book.

If you know someone in an abusive situation and you can only do one thing for her, give her a copy of this book.

There is magic in this book in that Ms. Schwartz knows the many denials, repressions, and fears in the mind of the battered woman and slays them all with her mighty sword of truth.

She tells it like it, sparing no one, and by sparing no one, she saves the lives of the battered women reading this book.

I recommend this book with all of my heart and soul. Anyone who reads this book will find her life to be changed -- for the better. It is a very powerful and important work.

Whose Face is in the Mirror was one of the first books I read on the topic of domestic violence. Since I am an author of a similar story Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story , Whose Face is in the Mirror was recommended to me by a professor of social work who had heard Dianne Schwartz speak about domestic violence. At the time of my initial reading, in 2001, the book seemed to be one of a small number of real-life stories of recovery from abuse. It is a heart-wrenching story about domestic violence, and equally important is its heart-warming message of hope.

The book is divided into three parts. In Part I, Dianne shares the abuse she endured from her husband (at the time). She tells the story so that other victims realize they are not alone. Part II covers Dianne's journey to healing through therapy. She reveals the lessons she learned from her therapist. Her insights help others understand the causes and effects of domestic abuse. Schwartz also admits mistakes she made as a mother, as she reflects on how domestic abuse affects children. In Part III, Dianne explains the ongoing process of a healing journey. She encourages readers to find a mission based not on ego and pride, but on love and compassion.

While reading this book, you will see how domestic abuse emerges and escalates. You may also realize that the reasons for staying in an abusive relationship are perhaps excuses that prevent change. Dianne reveals the advice that did not work (such as pray, fast, and submit). Then, she tells how she left her abusive husband, and what she did to reclaim her identity. She explains how the use of bright, feminine colors helped her to define herself authentically, and not as an appendage of an abusive man. In chapter 18, "Lies and Truths", Ms. Schwartz explains the stereo-types and myths that keeps us trapped in toxic relationships, and how to improve our perspective.

Whose Face is in the Mirror is a memoir about domestic violence that is not graphic, dramatic, or sensationalized. We might expect a former Mrs. Arizona, Dianne Schwartz, to write about her glamorous life of a celebrity; instead, we learn of a survivor of domestic violence who founded an organization to educate on the topic: Educating Against Domestic Violence.

Dianne is a brave role model for abused women. She well understands and explains the motives, behavior, and manipulations of both the batterer and the victim, but never sounds like a victim, only a heroine. Therapy gave her the courage to make changes and speak truth to power, despite how dangerous her husband was. Her transformation is truly amazing and inspiring. As a therapist, I highly recommend this book to clients and professionals.
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT