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Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism [Kindle Edition]

Sandy Hotchkiss , James F. Masterson
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (196 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $14.95
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Book Description

In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation.
Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.


Editorial Reviews

Review

Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D. coauthor of I Hate You -- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality. People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm.

About the Author

Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW teaches in the Master's Program at the University of Southern California School of Social Work and has a private practice in psychotherapy. A fellow of the California Society for Clinical Social Work, she lives in the Los Angeles area.

Product Details


Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
532 of 539 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended October 30, 2003
By A Customer
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Well-written; the best book I've read on the subject. The commentary on the social aspects of narcissism makes this author's approach relevant to every reader. Practical, realistic coping strategies as well as models for good-enough parenting. Great book for parents and teenagers to read together!
Synopsis: Narcissism is a healthy, necessary stage twice in a person's life, during the toddler and teen years, and gives an individual an inflated sense of confidence that enables him or her to leave the security of the parental bond to explore the world with newly acquired abilities. If children receive good-enough parenting when reality deflates this bubble of omnipotence, they reach the end of their narcissistic explorations with a newly integrated sense of self and awareness of the separateness of other people. If they are traumatized or are insecure in their attachment to primary caregivers at these crucial stages, they never "graduate" from the school of narcissism, and become "toxic people," viewing others merely as extensions of themselves and therefore without separate needs and feelings. You probably encounter narcissistic people every day without understanding why they are so rude, have an unfounded sense of entitlement, poor boundaries, or seem to be more "special" than other people. Many of us have been raised in families that pass down narcissitic vulnerabilities, leaving us prey to narcissists, who are always on the lookout for people who can be manipulated into supplying external validation of their "specialness," either by annexing you and your talents to serve them or by deflating you so as to inflate themselves.
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243 of 250 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Provides Validation May 26, 2002
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
While the book does give a clear understanding of where narcissism comes from, other books have done that as well. WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU?, however, provided me with validation that what I have been experiencing is, indeed, a narcissistic relationship. This was important because narcissists are excellent at taking their faults (or what they perceive as faults) and resulting shame and passing it onto their significant other. It is very easy to believe that they are right, thereby beginning the slow destruction of one of our most important assets, self-esteem. This book will teach you that it is not always about you and, in fact, in a narcissistic relationship, it is the illusions of grandiosity and perfection that the narcissist has, that will very likely lead to the demise of the relationship. While they may believe it is all your fault because they are perfect, this book will show you that it is not. I highly recommend this book to anyone who thinks they are in or have been in a narcissistic relationship of any sort. It will validate your feelings, I guarantee it.
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572 of 607 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Dealing with the egotists in your life. August 4, 2002
Format:Hardcover
Think you don't know a narcissist? Think again. Narcissists are everywhere particularly, in the public eye. Think about the Enron and Worldcom disasters. Do you think Skilling and Fastow or Ebbers and Sullivan aren't as narcissistic as they come? They fit the mold in spades. And how about our cultural obsession with these egotists? Aren't we somewhat awestruck by the "My ... doesn't stink" stars? From time-to-time, we're all a bit 'wowed.' I'm certainly guilty but perhaps now I'll have a better understanding of the circumstances surrounding the situations and 'icons' involved. WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU is an extremely insightful expose' on the egotists in your world, whether mildly or flagrantly narcissistic. And, this 'disease' doesn't just apply to our public figures; it can be as close as your immediate family or, heaven forbid, yourself!
Narcissism derives its origin from a youth in classical Greek Mythology, Narcissus. The story goes that one day Narcissus saw his reflection in a pool of water and immediately fell in love with his image. From that very moment, he began to see everything as it related to his own image. The world was his looking glass and his insatiable appetite for himself took him all over the globe, and he was invariably pleased with what he saw. He left in his path a troubling wake which slipped like a fever through the people who saw him.
Ms. Hotchkiss has nailed this subject when she posits "Their needs are more important than anyone else's, and they expect to be accommodated in all things. They can't comprehend why they might not always come first." Narcissists are endearing, enticing creatures typically with extremely thick skins....but only to certain elements.
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148 of 153 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Finally an answer June 9, 2003
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
Ms. Hotchkiss's insight into Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) finally gave a voice to what I have been thinking for many years. After attracting narcissists of varying degrees into my life, I always found myself in the end either in complete disbelief at the behaviour I had encountered and tolerated, or believing there was something deeply wrong with me. When I began reading "The Seven Deadly Sins" as she puts it which outline some of the major personality flaws of those affected by NPD, I just wanted to shout out "Yes!, Yes!, this makes it all clear!". While this book primarily focuses on how to identify NPDs, it does provide some insight as to why you may be the personality type that attracts these damaged people into your life and how to manage them. Ms. Hotchkiss writes with, and I certainly believe that she has, empathy for those troubled with NPD, however, she also is very firm in that they most often do not change, and in order to save yourself from a lifetime of being used and emotionally sucked dry, you have to distance yourself. This may not be the most in depth writing on the subject but, for those of you like me who know in your heart that there is something wrong with someone in your life, this book can be a real eye opener, give voice to what you know is there, and set you on a road to recovery. Highly recommend.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars 7 Deadly Sins Of Narcissism
This Is A Very Insightful Book On Narcissism.This Book Is Very Enlightening On This Subject.
Published 1 day ago by Tcowan13
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Very good in learning to live with narcissistic personality disorders
Published 4 days ago by Patty Schirmer
5.0 out of 5 stars Good book
Good book - therapist recommended it. Helped to know I am not alone - good ideas for surviving your narcissist.
Published 4 days ago by dwb
5.0 out of 5 stars Understanding bizarre behavior!
If you are ever trying to understand behavior, especially bad behavior or inconsistent behavior of a family member, colleague, friend or neighbor you must read this book.... Dr Mkh
Published 14 days ago by Dr. Mkh
5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely Informative and Well-Written
I loved reading this book because I learned so much! As a child of two narcissistic parents (and narcissistic sister) this wonderful book provided me with much-needed answers! Read more
Published 15 days ago by J
5.0 out of 5 stars Great
Really good and accurate information. Balanced and fair in describing the spectrum of narcissism. Well written and organized. I would recommend it.
Published 29 days ago by jeremy35
5.0 out of 5 stars Just read the preview...
Good Lord-it was like someone had peeked into my life and wrote about my mother and brother. All my life I have been trying to maintain my sanity while dealing with two very... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Catherine
5.0 out of 5 stars Useful Insight
not many books I have read gave valuable information on the relationship between mother and daughter.found it to be very helpful in simply understanding the relationship. Read more
Published 1 month ago by M. Patricia
4.0 out of 5 stars Helpful
Clear explanation of traits of this personality. It was recommended by a friend and worth reading for sure. Very helpful.
Published 1 month ago by kla
5.0 out of 5 stars Another good read
Got a co-worker that lives to make everyone miserable when he doesn't get his way? I work with someone who fits the most extreme definition. Read more
Published 1 month ago by PipeFighter
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More About the Author

Sandy Hotchkiss, PsyD, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst in private practice in Southern California, where she is also on the faculty of the Newport Psychoanalytic Institute. She specializes in the interpersonal aspects of personality disorders and recovery from relational trauma.



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