Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?: End Old Patterns and Enjoy Your Children [Paperback]

Charles H. Elliott (Author), Laura L. Smith (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1999

Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be? teaches you how to overcome the deeply held beliefs about yourself and other people that cause you to keep on making the same mistakes over and over. A variety of innovative approaches help you challenge core beliefs (or schemas) that lead to problematic parenting styles. Chapters on assessing children's emerging schemas also present intriguing suggestions to help you help your children avoid damaging thought patterns.

Product Details

• Paperback: 160 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (November 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572241713
• ISBN-13: 978-1572241718
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,769,015 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars How to be the parent we want to be........, July 2, 2000

By 

Julie P. Clark (Cobbs Creek, Virginia USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?: End Old Patterns and Enjoy Your Children (Paperback)

In Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?, the authors assure parents that they already know what to do, but oftentimes fail to do what they know is right. This is usually due to some emotional obstacle that prevents parents from following through on their good intentions. The authors do a great job in explaining why parents get caught up in these emotional struggles, how to recognize problems and learn to be the parent they want to be.

Though written by psychologists (and with a foreword written by psychologist John Rosemond), the book - while scholarly - is quite easily understood and is an enjoyable read. They use the stories of three families to teach the various principles, which is one thing that makes the book so enjoyable. While the stories of the three families may not be identical to our own, there is much we can all relate to in them.

This book is for any parent who welcomes a common-sense approach to parenting. It also helps parents to assess their parenting style and then gives practical suggestions for change when needed, how to set parenting goals, and specific ways of getting there. The authors use the word "schema" quite a bit. They say that schemas are what we all use to make sense of the world, and that schemas help people create meaning about who they are. Schemas categorize and organize information. Knowing what schemas are is helpful to parents, they say, so parents won't have to struggle to be the parent they want to be. It was fascinating to learn what schemas are, how they are formed, and how the knowledge of schemas can be of help in parenting.

I especially found Chapter Five helpful and interesting. Entitled "Beyond Insight, Preparing for Action," it tells how to take action after we've gained the insight we need as parents, and these actions help us to make meaningful changes in our parenting. There are more exercises in this chapter to do which are fun, and helps us to understand further what our goals are and what we need to do to reach them. I found it quite helpful and enlightening and definitely recommend others try it, too.

I enjoyed reading, and learning from, this book very much, and I know others will, too. It is thoughtfully, creatively written and useful for all parents.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An Amazing Helpful Book!, October 27, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?: End Old Patterns and Enjoy Your Children (Paperback)

This was a very helpful book for me! I am the parent of 4 very energetic kids and I have gone to many parenting classes and read lots of parenting books, all gave advice but I could never follow the advice. This book was written for the everyday parent in a language that even I can understand. They gave me advice and solutions to help control my temper and help me with some parenting advice that I really needed! My kids are more under control and listen to what I say! Thanks alot to the writers of this book! Me and my kids are doing alot better!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Recommended for anyone seeking to improve parenting skills., April 6, 2000

By 

Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Why Can't I Be the Parent I Want to Be?: End Old Patterns and Enjoy Your Children (Paperback)

Charles Elliott and Laura Smith collaborate to teach about parenting through the use of stories as the employ three families to take the reader on a journey toward improving themselves to become better, more effective parents. Each family present specific parenting problems: Debra and Quinton (the overprotective mother who blames her son's behavior problems on others and the son who constantly gets into trouble at school); Jennifer and Jerod (the mother who can't say no to her son and blames herself for his problems, and the son who faces a possible second stay in the detention center); Kenneth, Sally, Lindsey and Nick (Ken loves his wife and kids but is driving them away with his constant criticism and control, while Sally is ready to give up on their marriage, and their kids, Lindsey and Nick, retaliate with silence or sarcasm). Why Can't I Be The Parent I Want To Be? enables the readers to discover their own "schemas", their repetitive nature, and the power they wield as parents as its guides them toward self-understanding, self-acceptance, and innovative ways of changing both thought and behavior. By the time the last page is read and the book set down, the readers will have discovered how to be the parents that already exist in their hearts and hopes.