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Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date Hardcover – April 7, 2009

3.8 out of 5 stars 118 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this dating guide for women getting nowhere fast, professional matchmaker Greenwald takes the intriguing step of interviewing a thousand men who decided not to follow up on a first date. Unfortunately, that stab at quasi-scientific methodology doesn't turn up anything new-though you wouldn't suspect it to see the volume of Greenwald's text. To her credit, she doesn't advise readers to change who they are, but how they present themselves, emphasizing the importance of first impressions and refusing to heap blame on either men or women. Detailed descriptions and checklists will help readers determine what disagreeable stereotype you may projecting ("The Boss Lady," "The Bait & Switcher," "The Park Avenue Princess") and how to remedy it. Despite a direct voice and infectious confidence, Greenwald echoes much that's already been covered in countless other volumes-don't seem desperate, show genuine interest, don't bring up your ex-and often with more detail, examples, lists and subcategories than are necessary. Those who like their self-helps busy, or who are new to the genre, may find this book worthwhile, but in most ways it's the same story, different date.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


Cosmopolitan Magazine voted Why He Didn't Call You Back one of this summer's 4 Hottest Beach Books (2009)

“Rachel is my kind of gutsy girl: all the kick of cheddar on rye, minus any trace of baloney. Within two weeks of trying Rachel’s strategies, I . . . am now juggling so many suitors that I’ve started a ‘man-agement’ diary.”
O, The Oprah Magazine

“Greenwald is the hottest thing to hit the dating scene since Sex and the City!”
Observer (London)

“Advocating that you change his perception instead of your personality, Greenwald’s vast study and witty analysis of men’s behavior is nearly a science in its fine points, and truly a contemporary approach to the speedily evolving game of dating.... Loud and clear, Greenwald offers the no-frills, tough-love advice that every single woman doesn’t want – but often needs – to hear.”
—King Features (synd.)

“This book is brilliant! I really love Rachel Greenwald’s approach. This is a must-read guide to help single women find the right mate, even for women who have lots of guys pursuing them.”
—Tim Sullivan, former CEO, Match.com

“Greenwald . . . has become a national sensation. Her advice is uncommonly blunt.”
San Jose Mercury News

“Dating diva Rachel Greenwald [delivers] an espresso shot of practical advice.”
Rocky Mountain News

“Rachel Greenwald . . . has taught thousands of mature women how to meet Mr. Right.”

“Rachel Greenwald is the Wife Maker.”
Denver Post

“Rachel’s approach is clear, systematic, and motivating.”
—New York Daily News

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony (April 7, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0307406539
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307406538
  • Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 1 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (118 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #377,969 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rachel Greenwald is a professional dating coach and matchmaker for private clients around the country. She blogs for The Huffington Post, she writes a dating advice column for More Magazine online, and is a relationship contributor to Glamour Magazine. She's a graduate of Harvard Business School and Wellesley College. She currently lives in Denver, CO with her husband and 3 children, and has been married for 19 years.

Rachel's real claim to fame was winning a national hoola-hoop contest in Hawaii several years ago, but she is also the New York Times Bestselling author of "Find a Husband After 35: Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School".

Her newest book "Have Him At Hello: Confessions From 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall In Love... Or Never Call Back" was named one of 2009 "Summer's Hottest Beach Books" by Cosmopolitan Magazine, Essence Magazine, and Good Day New York. (Note: this book was originally published under the title "Why He Didn't Call You Back". The new title "Have Him At Hello" reflects new content added by the author for paperback release in 2009).

Rachel is a frequent relationship guest on The Today Show, Nightline, CNN, National Public Radio, and has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Fortune Magazine, The New York Times, and many others.

Rachel also teaches training workshops for people who want to become dating coaches and matchmakers: an exciting, flexible career for anyone who wants to play Cupid for a living.

Please visit her website to ask her your dating question, learn about events, or to receive her free e-newsletter with dating tips and free gifts: www.rachelgreenwald.com

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
When I first picked up Have Him at Hello, I rolled my eyes. Yeah, right, someone is going to tell me how to act like an airhead. But, Greenwald's book is based on real research - research that a psychologist (like me) might conduct. The sample is large enough (1000 men) and old enough, mostly 30 - 48, to assuage any concerns that the men she spoke with were atypical. These men gave the obvious, courteous answers to her initial questions but when pushed went deeper into their real reasons for losing interest in attractive, personable, catch after a promising first date.

Greenwald's main point is that on a first date, like on a job interview, first impressions count. If you make a bad first impression, there may not be time for someone to see beneeth the surface, so it's really important to carefully consider what you reveal and how quickly you move. Her second point is that, many men (no, not all) are more likely to want to see you again if you maintain some intrigue - remember Dangerous Liaisons, one fo the sexiest period pieces ever? This doesn't mean being "fake" or playing games, but it also doesn't mean wearing your heart on your sleeve or coming in with a checklist of questions to get through before you finish your appetizer. Didn't your mother always tell you to listen more than you talk? The men who were interviewed for this book can tell the difference. For anyone who has been dating for a while, getting lots of first dates but very few second or third ones, read this book with an open mind and think about how it really is speaking to you. Remember, if you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got! This is one feminist who thinks I may have a thing or two to learn about how to put my ego aside and focus on my goal: meeting the man of my dreams this year!
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Format: Hardcover
Rachel Greenwald's latest, "Why He Didn't Call You Back", is the book that could have been written by any number of men, but wasn't. What she learned after meticulously interviewing 1000 guys on "exit interviews" is the very information that can change women's lives on a dime. It's the stuff that guys talk about with each other about why they REALLY don't feel a connection - and a lot of it is hard to hear. As they say, the truth hurts - especially when some of it seems unfair and hypocritical.

But as the author of "Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" and as a dating coach whose primary clients are smart, successful single women from 30-65, I can tell you that every single thing in Greenwald's book is a potential teaching tool. These are the same issues I hear from my amazing women clients day in and day out. Men don't respond to bossy women, gold-diggers, downers, desperation, high-maintenance, or women who are all about themselves - their jobs, their friends, their accomplishments. Yes, they want attractive, but they also want want intelligence, kindness, fun, and nurturing.

This isn't really news. You may think this only applies to other women that you know. It does not. In fact, the big statistical take-away I got from this book is that 78 percent of women surveyed believed that a man hadn't called her back for reasons beyond her control - "chemistry", "he's just not that into me", "he's intimidated by me". The truth is, 85% of men felt the exact opposite - that there were very specific things that women did which created a negative impression that men couldn't look past.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
**This is an update to my review.**
I am happily involved in a very loving relationship with a man who takes me as I am as I am accepting of him. He's also cute, which adds to the excitement of being in this relationship. Yay me. F-you, stupid dating book. By the way, asking a guy out and wearing a fanny pack on the second date didn't have negative effects or impressions of me and here I am in a relationship.

To the members who posted on my review that I missed the point of this book: I did not. I read it, understood it for what it is and still stand by my opinion. If this book works for you, great. I just feel that I have read better and for free at the library. And if you haven't gotten to the point where you are in a long term relationship using the advice given by Rachel Greenwald, then try another book, "How to become a better person."

My original post:

When I started dating, I wanted to read more about how dating works. This book made me afraid of dating. I know I am a confident and loving person with good hygiene and social skills and this book made me feel very insecure about myself, for a week. (then i got over it and saw this book for what it really is: crap) Most of the comments about bad dates were from whiny dudes who took a few negatives in a date and totally blew them out of proportion in their heads, instead of learning about the kind of person their date is and finding things they like about them. Did these women go on dates with the Jerry Seinfelds and Larry Davids of the dating scene or what? Or is this a case of perfectionists looking for perfection? So here we go, with 'helpful' insight on dating from a matchmaker and various single men, emphasis on 'single'.
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