Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date [Hardcover]

Rachel Greenwald (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 7, 2009

You get that he’s just not that into you, but why?

What really happened when that cute guy never called you back after your date? Why didn’t that intriguing man you flirted with online or at the party ask you out? It’s an annoying mystery. One minute there was a potential romance happening, and the next? He vanished, inexplicably. If you knew why men reacted in these ways, you could do something about it next time when the right guy comes along.

So Rachel Greenwald did what you’re too embarrassed to do yourself. As a renowned dating coach with a Harvard MBA, she applied business savvy to the dating world by conducting in-depth "Exit Interviews" with 1,000 single men, asking them why they hadn’t called back after a date or online flirtation. By refusing to accept glib responses such as "There was just no chemistry," she extracted unabashedly honest and raw answers. It turns out that men leave women hanging for clear, consistent reasons. The Top Ten Date-Breakers–revealed here in Greenwald’s unique research–are the result of signals that women of all ages send unknowingly, but are easily fixed. Citing true anecdotes and case studies, this book examines the most frequent date-breakers that men confessed, and offers practical advice on how you can avoid them.

Greenwald’s goal isn’t for you to pretend to be someone you’re not, but rather to keep the ball in your court. By using her research results as a guide to tweak your comments and gestures, you’ll have more men asking to see you again. Then you can accept or decline their invitations: you’re doing the selecting–not them.

In today’s increasingly complex dating world, both online and offline, learning how to maximize your dates is essential. With a fresh and entertaining behind-the-scenes vantage point, Why He Didn’t Call You Back offers simple solutions that empower women to choose the men they really want to date.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this dating guide for women getting nowhere fast, professional matchmaker Greenwald takes the intriguing step of interviewing a thousand men who decided not to follow up on a first date. Unfortunately, that stab at quasi-scientific methodology doesn't turn up anything new-though you wouldn't suspect it to see the volume of Greenwald's text. To her credit, she doesn't advise readers to change who they are, but how they present themselves, emphasizing the importance of first impressions and refusing to heap blame on either men or women. Detailed descriptions and checklists will help readers determine what disagreeable stereotype you may projecting ("The Boss Lady," "The Bait & Switcher," "The Park Avenue Princess") and how to remedy it. Despite a direct voice and infectious confidence, Greenwald echoes much that's already been covered in countless other volumes-don't seem desperate, show genuine interest, don't bring up your ex-and often with more detail, examples, lists and subcategories than are necessary. Those who like their self-helps busy, or who are new to the genre, may find this book worthwhile, but in most ways it's the same story, different date.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

Cosmopolitan Magazine voted Why He Didn't Call You Back one of this summer's 4 Hottest Beach Books (2009)

“Rachel is my kind of gutsy girl: all the kick of cheddar on rye, minus any trace of baloney. Within two weeks of trying Rachel’s strategies, I . . . am now juggling so many suitors that I’ve started a ‘man-agement’ diary.”
—O, The Oprah Magazine

“Greenwald is the hottest thing to hit the dating scene since Sex and the City!”
—Observer (London)

“Advocating that you change his perception instead of your personality, Greenwald’s vast study and witty analysis of men’s behavior is nearly a science in its fine points, and truly a contemporary approach to the speedily evolving game of dating.... Loud and clear, Greenwald offers the no-frills, tough-love advice that every single woman doesn’t want – but often needs – to hear.”
—King Features (synd.)

“This book is brilliant! I really love Rachel Greenwald’s approach. This is a must-read guide to help single women find the right mate, even for women who have lots of guys pursuing them.”
—Tim Sullivan, former CEO, Match.com

“Greenwald . . . has become a national sensation. Her advice is uncommonly blunt.”
—San Jose Mercury News

“Dating diva Rachel Greenwald [delivers] an espresso shot of practical advice.”
—Rocky Mountain News

“Rachel Greenwald . . . has taught thousands of mature women how to meet Mr. Right.”
—People

“Rachel Greenwald is the Wife Maker.”
—Denver Post

“Rachel’s approach is clear, systematic, and motivating.”
—New York Daily News

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Harmony (April 7, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0307406539
• ISBN-13: 978-0307406538
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1.1 x 8.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (86 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #155,796 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #94 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Dating

More About the Author

Rachel Greenwald is a professional dating coach and matchmaker for private clients around the country. She blogs for The Huffington Post, she writes a dating advice column for More Magazine online, and is a relationship contributor to Glamour Magazine. She's a graduate of Harvard Business School and Wellesley College. She currently lives in Denver, CO with her husband and 3 children, and has been married for 19 years.

Rachel's real claim to fame was winning a national hoola-hoop contest in Hawaii several years ago, but she is also the New York Times Bestselling author of "Find a Husband After 35: Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School".

Her newest book "Have Him At Hello: Confessions From 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall In Love... Or Never Call Back" was named one of 2009 "Summer's Hottest Beach Books" by Cosmopolitan Magazine, Essence Magazine, and Good Day New York. (Note: this book was originally published under the title "Why He Didn't Call You Back". The new title "Have Him At Hello" reflects new content added by the author for paperback release in 2009).

Rachel is a frequent relationship guest on The Today Show, Nightline, CNN, National Public Radio, and has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Fortune Magazine, The New York Times, and many others.

Rachel also teaches training workshops for people who want to become dating coaches and matchmakers: an exciting, flexible career for anyone who wants to play Cupid for a living.

Please visit her website to ask her your dating question, learn about events, or to receive her free e-newsletter with dating tips and free gifts: www.rachelgreenwald.com

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

146 of 165 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Getting Inside the Mind of a Man - The Hard Way! April 7, 2009

By Evan M. Katz

Format:Hardcover

Rachel Greenwald's latest, "Why He Didn't Call You Back", is the book that could have been written by any number of men, but wasn't. What she learned after meticulously interviewing 1000 guys on "exit interviews" is the very information that can change women's lives on a dime. It's the stuff that guys talk about with each other about why they REALLY don't feel a connection - and a lot of it is hard to hear. As they say, the truth hurts - especially when some of it seems unfair and hypocritical.

But as the author of "Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" and as a dating coach whose primary clients are smart, successful single women from 30-65, I can tell you that every single thing in Greenwald's book is a potential teaching tool. These are the same issues I hear from my amazing women clients day in and day out. Men don't respond to bossy women, gold-diggers, downers, desperation, high-maintenance, or women who are all about themselves - their jobs, their friends, their accomplishments. Yes, they want attractive, but they also want want intelligence, kindness, fun, and nurturing.

This isn't really news. You may think this only applies to other women that you know. It does not. In fact, the big statistical take-away I got from this book is that 78 percent of women surveyed believed that a man hadn't called her back for reasons beyond her control - "chemistry", "he's just not that into me", "he's intimidated by me". The truth is, 85% of men felt the exact opposite - that there were very specific things that women did which created a negative impression that men couldn't look past....

While this can easily arouse indignation, Greenwald encourages you to recognize that you probably the same thing when you're on dates with men. Dissecting the way what he wore, where he took you, how he reached for the check, how he talked about his ex or his job or his family. So why isn't there a book called "Why She Didn't Call You Back"?

Because, like I wrote in "Why You're Still Single", men wouldn't actually read it. 90% of the self-help market is for women and since neither you or me or Greenwald can change men, all we can do is create self-awareness by laying out, once and for all, what men REALLY think.

And while a lot of it isn't pretty, Greenwald doesn't just tell you what you're doing wrong, but gives subtle course-correction hints on how to get it right. She truly cares about women and doesn't demonize them in this book. All she does is shed light on the dark corners of the male mind so that you can either adjust (or not adjust) accordingly.

The other real eye-opener is what she suggests to women in the future. Exit interviews. In other words, it's impossible to get present to the unintentional signals you're giving off if you never hear what they are. Imagine if MEN did this - if they actually asked for specific feedback on how they could improve on their dates and what they did to turn you off. Imagine how shocking it would be - and how it might impact their efforts on their next date.

Unfortunately, in real life, we don't have this feedback loop. He doesn't call, you wonder why, you move on with little clarity. Greenwald suggests asking him for an Exit Interview after the fact - a slightly embarrassing but greatly empowering tool for your self-growth. She even suggests that you could ask friends or hire dating coaches to handle this delicate process for you. The point is to do SOMETHING instead of burying your head in the sand and lamenting what's wrong with men. There's PLENTY wrong with men - but you can't change them. You can only change yourself.

To sum up, if knowledge is power, "Why He Didn't Call You Back" is one powerful book. As a dating coach for smart, successful, single women, I couldn't give a more enthusiastic endorsement for a very eye-opening and fast read. Read more ›

60 of 66 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Tfhe best advice you never wanted to hear.... March 25, 2010

By DrDante

Format:Paperback

When I first picked up Have Him at Hello, I rolled my eyes. Yeah, right, someone is going to tell me how to act like an airhead. But, Greenwald's book is based on real research - research that a psychologist (like me) might conduct. The sample is large enough (1000 men) and old enough, mostly 30 - 48, to assuage any concerns that the men she spoke with were atypical. These men gave the obvious, courteous answers to her initial questions but when pushed went deeper into their real reasons for losing interest in attractive, personable, catch after a promising first date.

Greenwald's main point is that on a first date, like on a job interview, first impressions count. If you make a bad first impression, there may not be time for someone to see beneeth the surface, so it's really important to carefully consider what you reveal and how quickly you move. Her second point is that, many men (no, not all) are more likely to want to see you again if you maintain some intrigue - remember Dangerous Liaisons, one fo the sexiest period pieces ever? This doesn't mean being "fake" or playing games, but it also doesn't mean wearing your heart on your sleeve or coming in with a checklist of questions to get through before you finish your appetizer. Didn't your mother always tell you to listen more than you talk? The men who were interviewed for this book can tell the difference. For anyone who has been dating for a while, getting lots of first dates but very few second or third ones, read this book with an open mind and think about how it really is speaking to you. Remember, if you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got!... This is one feminist who thinks I may have a thing or two to learn about how to put my ego aside and focus on my goal: meeting the man of my dreams this year! Read more ›

76 of 86 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Great book backed by serious research with a terrible title May 2, 2009

By Sarah Schwartz

Format:Hardcover

In spite of its pink cover and embarrassing title, this book is serious research. I'm a PhD researcher who published a paper with similar methods in the journal _Science_, and I think her research seems even more rigorous than ours was. Greenwald and her research assistants spoke with almost 900 men and documented clear patterns in their statements about why they did not pursue specific women past an initial date. Then for marketing they emailed another 100 so they could say they got 1000. Without a doubt, then, this is a great book with fantastic information in it.

The book is all about first impressions and I think it may undersell its seriousness with its title. It's positioned itself in the category of short-lived dating books that people read secretively and give away quickly because they are ashamed to be seen with them. I understand why Greenwald is marketing the book with such a shocking title since it fits right in with _He's just not that into you_, but if this book were published with a less flashy title like "Mistaken First Impressions", people could recommend it to friends and not be ashamed to be seen reading it. That was her choice and it's not a bad choice. No one wants to admit to having read "He's just not that into you" and yet everyone knows what it's about. It's just frustrating to think how many people who could really use the book would be ashamed to be seen with it because of its title.

So many people could benefit from this book and there is no way on earth anyone could give or "lend" or recommend this book to a friend without insulting them. As it was I checked this book out of the library and when I picked it up, the librarian gave me this absolutely pitying look as if to say "I'm so sorry you suck at dating."