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Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Paperback – September 2, 2003
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Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Top Customer Reviews
Prior to writing this book, Lundy Bancroft had been in the trenches for 15 years as a counselor in an abusive men's program. As a seasoned veteran of dealing with manipulative abusive individuals, Bancroft does an outstanding job of alerting the reader to their tactics and debunking common B.S. claims they make. His stories about his clients and the clients of colleagues are fascinating and provide poignant lessons for the reader. One woman had been in couple's counseling for 6 months with her husband and finally revealed that he was abusing her. Appearing on the verge of tears, the husband told the therapist that he had been in denial about his violence and hadn't been facing how badly it was hurting his wife.Read more ›
My counselor recommended it and finally, after lots of procrastination, I finally got it. And it makes me realize how strong I was to leave, and how lucky I was to get away. The emotional/psychological games, how I had to keep my opinions hidden and my feelings a secret just to be the fantasy girl he insisted that I be, the way he would just disregard my opinion about this and still does... it can make a girl feel so isolated, so bad about herself, and deep down...crazy! But this book showed me that not only am I NOT crazy, but that being imperfect is no reason to allow someone to do that to me. We're all imperfect, but we still all deserve better than this.Read more ›
I have read a number of books about abuse and control, and many of them are very good at deconstructing the dynamic between a controller and his victim. The difference for me is that many of those books have been by women who treat victims. This is a book by a man who has worked with batterers. I am not disparaging the work of women (and men) who work with victims--I was once one of them. What I am saying is that, as I read this, I felt a deep sense of validation, that the "other side" of the story, which many books get at through stories with victims, isn't something imagined or theorized. Controllers do know what they are doing. They understand that it hurts. They don't want to change. And I and other victims cannot change them. An outline of the specifics of abusive and controlling men makes it very clear that the "circle of influence" for women does not extend to the abuser. It may sound cliche to say you must save yourself, but after reading the many facets of abuse and the way they surface, a victim will understand will great clarity that her precious energy must be used to care for herself and her children. And pulling back that energy, for me, has been a critical step in surviving.
And for going through the family court system, if that is what a woman chooses to do.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Helped me with some difficulty questions. A great resource for understanding the mind of the abuser and the manipulation.Published 5 hours ago by Kevin Flanagan
Excellent book. Clearly written and to the point. One of the best I have read on this topic.Published 1 day ago by Amazon Customer
This book was TRULY life-changing for me and I highly recommend it to anyone who is in an abusive or controlling relationship OR for anyone who is unhappy and doesn't realize that... Read morePublished 1 day ago by TL
An absolute eye opener. I thought it was me going crazy until reading this.Published 6 days ago by Amazon Customer
If you have never been in an abusive relationship or if you think you are, you need to read this book. Read morePublished 11 days ago by Wendy
This book gave me the information I needed to make the break. Being a strong, confident, financially independent lady I was surprised that men could be like this. Read morePublished 13 days ago by Holly