Customer Reviews

Why Don't You Have Kids?: Living a Full Life Without Parenthood

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WDYHK is a book that covers the pros and cons of parenting and non-parenting. Should be required reading for all people of reproducing age. The facts of the villainization and pressure on those who willingly chose to not reproduce are frightening. I found this book a fantastic support for the subject that is not often discussed or even thought of.....that biology is no longer destiny, and parenting is a choice that should be taken seriously.

Having survived 10 years of infertility treatments and the social ostracism, the financial burden, the emotional scarring that come with it I wholeheartedly recommend this book. If you are beyond the treatment stage and are beginning to look at adoption vs living childfree you need to read this book. The author doesn't gloss over anything. She doesn't use flowery phrases or give pat answers. If you want to really think about your decision, this book is for you!

This book is a must for anyone who chooses not to have kids, and is looking for support in their decision. It's easy to read and interesting. I highly recommend it. It was well worth the price! :)

Leslie Lafayette
Why Don't You Have Kids?
Living a Full Life without Parenthood

(New York: Kensington Books, 1995) 296 pages
(ISBN: 0-8217-4853-X; hardcover)
Library of Congress call number: HQ755.8.L34 1995)

Leslie Lafayette founded the Childfree Network in 1992.
It was based on her personal desire to be a mother,
which she pursued by hoping to adopt
an unwanted baby born to another woman.
She was not married.
She spent $8,000 in the process
and finally decided she did not really want a baby.

Her original desire to have a child
seems to have been based on the idea
that she would be a failure as a woman
if she did not become a mother.
The meaning of her life depended on motherhood.
(Childless men are not questioned
about their lack of fulfillment
because they did not become fathers.)

Chapter 2 of Why Don't You Have Kids?
explores (with examples from the lives of real people)
the following 10 reasons for having children:
1. contraceptive failure, accidental pregnancy.
2. for a man to prove he is a man.
3. conformity, the expectations of other people.
4. never considered not doing it.
5. to create grandchildren.
6. to be taken care of in old age.
7. the biological clock says it's time.
8. to save the marriage.
9. immortality thru reproduction.
10. as a natural extension of a committed relationship.
The people who admitted having children for these 'reasons'
regretted such thinking in retrospect.
Even tho they often loved and treasured their actual children,
they would not be induced to reproduce again for such 'reasons'.

Chapter 3 explores several myths about child-free adults:
1. They are anti-child.
2. They are selfish.
3. They have empty lives--sad, depressed, lonely.
4. They are sorry they will lack children to take care of them.
5. They are 'different'.
6. They are unfulfilled.
7. They are self-absorbed.
In some cases, these characterizations are correct,
but in the vast majority of child-free people
interviewed by the author,
the above 'profile' was far from accurate.

This book is packed with facts and opinions
that should give everyone pause about becoming parents (again).
Abundant stories from the lives of real people
illustrate each point.

The author is definitely not anti-child.
She taught high school for 17 years,
devoting herself to the lives of children
during some of their most difficult years.
But now she devotes herself to another unpopular task:
telling the truth about parenthood.

If you are interested in more such thinking, search the Internet for:
"Books Exploring the Decision to Have Children".

Leslie provides a good view of childfree living that is more personal than statistical. For the most part, the book is very positive, although there are parts where it's clear she feels that childree couples are victims and are somewhat slighted in society.

This book is a little dated politically, but all of the info is still true. All of the logical reasoning and discussion about remaining childfree is still accurate no matter what the year. I would recommend this one highly after reading several others in the same category. I was already pretty sure about my decision to remain childfree, this book helped cement the decision.