Why Good Kids Act Cruel: The Hidden Truth about the Pre-Teen Years [Paperback]

Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2010

Why do many good children treat one another so badly?
This is a question parents eventually face and most start thinking about as their children prepare for high school. But the hard truth is, high school is too late. The pre-teen years are actually when it begins, when the cruelty is even worse, causing more anxiety and stress for children already facing an enormous amount of change in their lives. Early adolescence is a phase of anxiety, of uncertainty, of insecurity. To make matters worse, although all kids are going through the same transformation, none of them share what it is like, each feeling alone, isolated, and unique. The result is that even fantastic kids will do and say harmful things. Why Good Kids Act Cruel is the first book to give you an understanding of why cruelty happens during these years and how to help your child through these difficult times.

She didn't make it; she was born with it: her nose. And in elementary school that was okay. But now in seventh grade, sometimes other girls would tease, "What's the matter Blaise, you having a bad nose day?" Looking in the mirror before school, she could see what they were making fun of. One day, a girl she had beaten out for a starting spot on the basketball team threw a nickname at her: "Snout." Some of the girl's friends picked it up, and it stuck. Blaise acted like she didn't care. But as she started to hate her nose, she started to hate herself.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Why do so many preteens treat each other so badly? Why is intentional meanness so prevalent in the middle school years? Early adolescence, a time of major physical and psychological change, is also when preteens suffer harassment, stalking, intimidation, humiliation, and fear—and haven't a clue how to handle or stop this deliberate treatment. Psychologist Pickhardt identifies and examines the causes and behaviors that make up what he calls social cruelty among kids, clearly explaining that it appears in ages nine to 13 because that is when kids feel vulnerable about separating from childhood and desire more social independence. At the same time, they seek to protect their own diminishing self-worth by either derogating others' worth or going on the attack (to pre-empt getting hurt first) in order to assertively claim a place in school society. There are five major ways kids act out (teasing; exclusion; bullying; spreading rumors; and ganging up), and Pickhardt devotes one chapter to each of these, offering examples of different kinds of situations including fights and cyberbullying, dialogue for countering attacks, and encouragement for making good choices. Most importantly, there are instructions for parents, teachers, school administrators and counselors so they can effectively and consistently keep episodes of social cruelty under control. Pickhardt accurately and compassionately captures the voice and concerns of children and parents alike. This should find shelf space with Rosalind Wiseman's Queen Bees and Wannabes and Giannetti and Sagarese's Cliques. (Jan.)
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About the Author

Carl Pickhardt, PhD, is a published author and psychologist in a private counseling practice. Dr. Pickhardt, whose books include The Connected Father, The Future of Your Only Child and Stop The Screaming, is married with four grown children and one grandchild. He lives in Austin, TX.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.; 1 edition (January 1, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 140221944X
• ISBN-13: 978-1402219443
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 6.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #831,053 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Must reading for all parents, February 16, 2010

By 

DAW (Austin, TX) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Why Good Kids Act Cruel: The Hidden Truth about the Pre-Teen Years (Paperback)

I've been a teacher and education consultant for over half a century. No problem more perplexes school counselors than informing functional, concerned parents that their son or daughter engages in bullying behaviors. Most assume bullying to indicate family dysfunction. Pickhardt's newest book knocks this notion into a cocked hat. Other works deal with bullying in schools, but nothing I've encountered comes close to presenting crucial understandings and insights in so focused, usable a fashion. Every school in the nation should have a supply on hand so that any counselor can simply quietly hand a copy to a parent who needs to be aware of what constitutes often shocking and disturbing information to them. Every school should include at least one in-service a year built around this book.

David Weiner, Austin, Texas

4.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful insight for the parent of a pre-teen, July 4, 2011

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Michelle (Dallas/Ft. Worth) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Why Good Kids Act Cruel: The Hidden Truth about the Pre-Teen Years (Paperback)

I read this book last spring as my 13 year old daughter was struggling with friendships (I also read Queen Bee's and Wanna Be's and highly recommend that book as well). The book gave me insight into what and why these kids act that way. I used it to help my daughter understand why some of her so called friends could be so cruel. Like the other reviewer said, I think all teachers of middle school kids should read it and I did recommend it to the middle school counselor last year.