Customer Reviews

Why Good Things Happen to Good People: The Exciting New Research that Proves the Link Between Doing Good and Living a Longer, Healthier, Happier Life

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

We are blessed to live in Cleveland with the opportunity to hear Dr. Post on occasion.

Visit his web site, Institute for Research on Unlimited love (IRUL) as he just might be visiting near you, then you can feel his special quality. For me, he tells a simple truth in the first chapter, Find the Fire, when he says if he could take one word into eternity, it would be "give." Think about the "giving" in your own life, then you can see where this book will take you.

Dr. Post says "It is full of great stories of love, great science, and great suggestions for a better life. This is a book that is good for you and your loved ones. It breaks love down into ten modulations in ten chapters (celebration, generativity, forgiveness, carefrontation [courage], humor & mirth, respect, compassion, loyalty, listening, and creativity)." We agree: find the fire.

I had reached page 29 of "Why Good Things Happen to Good People" when I decided to go for a walk in the woods with this book and my new flute. I made myself comfortable in my favorite spot by a trickling stream and opened the book to page 30. The first words my eyes rested upon were.... "Then I walked into the woods, a chapel carved by nature." I immediately knew that I was meant to read this book.

The central theme of Post's and Neimark's book is that if we give to others from our hearts ( not from thought of benefit or reward) that we will reap benefits glorious and unimaginable. I was thrilled that the authors made the definite point that we all have different ways of giving and that once we become aware of these various avenues of sharing ourselves with others, we can expand on our abilities to do so. I personally feel that I am not as up to par with some methods of giving as I am with others. This book reassured me that even if I don't remember birthdays or think of special things to give people during the year, that some of the other activities I engage in are just as important. Activism, being a good listener, expressing joy and humor, can also contribute to lighting up people's lives. We need to find our strengths and capitalize on them. We also need to realize that we are not limited to our natural giving tendencies. "Why Good Things Happen to Good People" shares ideas as to how we can break free from a stagnant pattern and become more joyful while doing so.

I loved the authors' concept that forgiveness is also a form of giving and that holding grudges or hatred towards others negatively affects our own lives as well as the lives of those we are bearing the grudge against. This book is full of practical advice and helpful examples. I would like to share a quote from pages 85-86. It is one of my favorite contemplative exercises from the book.

" Start counting people (from family to friends, colleagues, and neighbors) against whom you bear a grudge or resentment, even relatively small ones. Imagine putting a potato into a sack for every slight or hurt you have not forgiven. Now, imagine that for a week you have to carry that sack around everywhere you go - to the bathroom, in the car or on the train, to work, at your desk, at meetings, during mealtime and in bed at night. Have a good laugh at the amusing image. Don't you feel exhausted just contemplating that huge sack of potatoes?"

The authors have included many studies which have been conducted on the physical and emotional benefits of the various forms of giving. There are also tests throughout the book which help you to gauge where you currently stand and also to help you to monitor your progress towards any goals you may set for yourself.

This book has helped me to understand where my strengths lie and is an ongoing guide towards future goals. "Why Good Things Happen to Good People" is a book about love and caring and leads us together on the path to creating a better world. Everyone should read this book. I know I'm going to keep my copy close at hand.

I opened this book expecting dry science, but what I got was an inspiring, uplifting read. Actually, the scientific studies were both convincing and interesting, and conversations with all the researchers brought the science a warmth and life. Every chapter opens with a story of a remarkable person who often overcame the odds to give to others and make a difference in the world. From a former Playboy model who founded orphanages in Haiti to a high fashion photographer who left his jetset lifestyle to photograph kids with genetic disorders and help them to feel beautiful, this book inspires from page one. There are many self-help exercises that bring a richness to the ideas in the book, and offer ways to weave giving into your life that are simple and effective. The self-rating scale is fun, too, and helps you focus on your strengths in giving. All in all, a very unusual mix of science, inspiration and self-help. Kind of like a cross between Stumbling on Happiness and Chicken Soup for the Soul.

This book consists of 13 chapters spanning 287 pages. I'll talk a bit about what's in them and how this book just might change your life. It provides a detailed look at a subject that often "goes back burner" in our busy lives.

Assessing
In ten of those 13 chapters (3 - 12), you'll find a 20-question assessment. The point of these assessments isn't to compete with others for "best score." Read the whole book, and you should draw the same conclusion (even if you're hyper competitive). The authors intend for the reader into using these as a tool for personal development. Using metrics is a fundamental aspect of managing anything, and these assessments provide that.

While giving is important, you can't always give 100% in every situation. Some will abuse that, and the drain on you will prevent you from doing good where it counts the most. Balance, moderation, and good judgment are all important when assessing your giving patterns. So, it's good to understand the many forms of giving so you can achieve the proper balance that best suits you. Think in terms of tuning up, not ramping up, your patterns of giving and you will probably have the best results.

These assessments can also lead you down the wrong path, if you aren't thinking clearly about them. For example, many of the questions appear to support behavior that involves interfering in other people's lives, "fixing" other people, and butting in where you don't belong. To reduce this, read the whole book and understand the difference between giving for selfish reasons and joyous giving. Recipients can usually pick up on this, which is why (for example) different ways of offering the same helpful advice can elicit completely different reactions.

Some of the questions, such as "I try to donate blood regularly" are inappropriate or improperly structured/rendered. Do you really want an unhealthy person donating blood and then succumbing to exhaustion so medical intervention is required (I know of an actual case). Or contaminating the blood supply?

Donating blood is no minor thing--the amount of blood taken has a noticeable effect on anyone who is already "operating on the margins." Think of airline pilots and truck drivers, for example. Athletes, also must be cautious. Climbing is one of the most demanding sports there is. Suppose a climber gives blood and then gets dizzy during a climb--and other people are depending on that person for their safety. The climber's inappropriate giving decision has negative consequences. Someone who intends to run a marathon next month should postpone giving blood. And so on.

I'm not saying it's bad to give blood. I am saying that whether you give blood or not isn't a measure of how giving you are (it could be a measure of how inconsiderate or reckless you are, or it could be something very positive) and the question should be modified to use giving blood as an example of a concept, rather than as a specific metric. Unfortunately, these assessments mix concepts and specifics, and in so doing lose much of their value.

Questions like "I think it's important to leave this world better than I found it" are so vague as to be useless. Who is going to disagree and say, "I think it's important to leave this world worse than I found it"? Nobody, of course. So, this question skews the scores.

The assessments also have an annoying feature the authors can easily fix before the next printing. Presently, you answer on a scale of 1 to 6, and then go back and reassign scores on those questions that are "reverse" questions. Rather than put the reader through this needless gyration, it would be simpler, less confusing, and less prone to error if the answers themselves were just redone. So where there's a "reverse" question, the potential answers would appear in the same order but their associated numbers would be in reverse order, thus eliminating an extra step. Adding complexity to anything when you can avoid doing so is never a good idea.

The real value of the assessments, in my rarely humble opinion, is they help you draw out and think about specifics on an aspect of giving. In fact, I recommend picking out the chapter where your assessment showed the most need for improvement. Then, re-read that chapter once a week. Make a copy of that area's assessment pages (so you can write notes as you go), and develop some specific goals to improving in each of the 20 specifics. Make those goals specific, measurable, achievable, relevant to your daily life, and time bound (a date assigned to each one). You can use the acronym SMART to help guide you in doing this.

Patterns
We tend to develop our giving patterns early in life and not modify them as we get older and conditions change. An example is the "gift giving" that many people do at Christmas. Most people engaged in this process do it because they think they have to or they "exchange gifts" (an oxymoron). If you examine your patterns of what you think is giving, you may find that giving is not really what's going on. And that can distract you from the real opportunities in meaningful giving.

Where there's an opportunity to give, we often miss it. For example, small kindnesses take no effort. How many times have we passed up the opportunity to tell someone that we appreciate this or that thing they do? If you're going for a walk outdoors, how much effort is it to take along a small bag and pick up some of the litter? If a neighbor has surgery to remove a lung this winter, are you going to wish him a speedy recovery--essentially an expected and empty gesture--or are you going to shovel his driveway without being asked to? This book will help you think of those things.

Science
That brings us to another aspect of this book. We humans are wired to help others. Some of us have broken wiring, but most people want to help. Engaging in generous behavior causes all kinds of good things to go on with us physically and emotionally, and today we can measure these changes with the medical tools now available to us.

The expression "Give until it hurts" doesn't fit with the medical research on giving. Giving, when seen as an opportunity to bring joy to someone else, can bring very high returns on the effort expended. That old saw should probably be revised to "Give until it stops hurting."

This book is loaded with references to various studies, trials, and experiments. It also contains many direct quotes from researchers, insightful anecdotes, and heart-rending real-life accounts. The science in the book is impressive. For example, one research project is a fifty-year study that followed people from their high school years forward.

It's easy to look around and become cynical. You can justify any attitude you care to have. But some attitudes are just plain better for you than others. As you read the science presented in this book, you'll find the attitude of giving comes out on top.

The chapters
If you read just the preface and turn it over in your mind, you may find yourself reconsidering how you view your place in the world. In fact, I recommend that. Don't read the rest of the book, just yet. Read the preface, and then set aside time to return to it and reflect on it. You could probably do this with each chapter.

The first two chapters lay the groundwork for the rest of the book. The final chapter helps you tie it all together with guidance on putting together a life program of your own. As with any good sandwich, the stuff in the middle is what makes it a treat. Each of the 10 middle chapters is devoted to one aspect of giving. Can you name 10 aspects of giving? Humor and courage both make the list.

Post and Neimark produced a valuable work. At one point, they talked about the Tolerance Project and provided many examples of what it's doing. In one example, Muslims, Christians, and Jews met together inside the Dome of the Rock in Israel. They all prayed alongside each other, in their own traditions and in their own languages. The participants found this moving, and they found they could respect and live alongside those others with whom they have deep differences.

What if that kind of harmony could happen around the world? In Iraq, right now? Between Pakistan and India? In the barrios of Los Angeles? Between Congress and the American people? Between you and that pesky neighbor who (doesn't mow, plays loud music at night, whatever)?

This example illustrates the kind of inspiring information you will find in this book. What if 1 million people read this book and began applying the lessons learned? What kind of healing power would that generate, and how would that grow? Giving has a way of inspiring others to give. I think I'll start by giving someone a copy of this book.

Can doing good--and being good--actually change the quality of our own lives?

Dr. Stephen Post argues yes. As professor of bioethics at Case Western Reserve University's School of Medicine, Dr. Post has studied the physical, biological, and emotional changes that occur when people look beyond themselves and consider others. Those who actively meet the needs of others begin to experience key changes in their physiology, changes that Post and Neimark track and chart in this powerful new book.

As Dr. Post explains: "science shows that giving shifts our psychology and our biology, no matter what our age, experience, or walk of life." Among other evidence, the authors cite a remarkable study by Dr. Paul Wink. Wink's research discovers that a life of giving to others appears to protect the physical and emotional health of the giver.

Quoting Dr. Martin Luther King and many others, Post and Neimark explain that when we genuinely love others, when we extend our hearts in compassion toward their needs, we trigger powerful hormonal reactions that not only make us feel better but actually increase our quality of life and perhaps our longevity as well. Post has created a "Love and Longevity Scale," which is a helpful way of exploring these ideas in action.

In beautifully written prose (Neimark is a novelist and children's book author) the thirteen chapters of this book explore loving, giving, helping--and the benefits that accrue to those who live this way. In the end, Dr. Post will argue that "a loving life is the only credible way of life." Although written from the halls of science rather than the pews of religious study, Post's work echoes Christ's comments that by giving to others "those who lose their (selfish) life...will find (true) life."

A gentle and persuasive book, these pages call us to wage love, not war, in the world of human need that is all around us.

A Note about the reviewer: Together with wife Lisa, Dr. David Frisbie serves as co-executive director of The Center for Marriage & Family Studies in Del Mar, California. He is the author of numerous published articles and eight books, including "Happily Remarried."

Armchair Interviews says: A "scientist's" viewpoint on the importance of living a life of love.

"Why Good Things Happen to Good People" is a guide for living one's life in the best possible, most satisfying way. The ten ways of giving, which I would define as the ten facets of loving, are a map for celebrating life with gratitude, generativity, forgiveness, courage, joy, respect, compassion, loyalty, deep listening, and creativity. Post documents ways to cut and polish each of his ten facets of the gem of life by presenting research substantiating the benefit of each. He also relates each of the ten ways to the four spheres in which we live: family, friends, community and humanity. Post concludes with ways of being loving in each of the forty possible facet/shere combinations. The author does not suggest the reader focus on all ten facets in each of the four spheres; rather Post challenges us to evaluate our current life and identify one of the ten facets in one of the four spheres which we would like to improve. Self rating scales for each of the ten facets help you evaluate how you think you're doing in each of the four spheres. I found the book is a valuable guide book for living my best life.

Others have provided very valuble reviews worthy of your consideration. The "fire" called for in unlimited agape love...i.e "giving" is a simple formula for a better you and a better world. There are no adverse side effects. I shall use this as an inexpensive book with extraordinary value at our Institute for Religion and Health suggest it as a universal read. You'll be pleased you bought it. (and so will everybody you relate to after you read it!)

I am generally not one to quarrel with titles of books....I read for substance. But, I believe this title undersells the profound wisdom of this very fine book.

This book is all about "giving." A much more apt title would have been something along the lines of Bill Clinton's recent book "Giving, How Each of Us Can Change the World."

We live in an instant gratification, "what is in it for me?" world. This book is a powerful antidote.

Potential readers looking for a "me" centered prescription for success and happiness will undoubtedly be disappointed in this book. Head instead for the "Secret."

Those who believe in the importance of giving will find this a most useful manual for incorporating a giving orientation into everything we do, each and every day.

This book should be recognized as one of the best self help books of 2007. Regretfully, it isn't likely to be such because of a cover and title that paints it as academic. But, I am off to do my part to get this book more widely known. We need to get the word out. (Imagine if everyone who bought the Clinton book also read this gem!)

To Steve Post and Jill Neimark, my sincere thanks for writing a wonderful book. You have given us a gift and by doing so role modeled the power of giving.

The author has a very straight forward way of organizing and explaining a plethora of studies indicating that doing good results in both emotional and physical benefits for the giver. I liked the self-assessment questionaires at the end of each chapter where I discovered where I stand relative to the ten dimensions and four domains. I was surprised with the results since some conflicted with my own self-image. Fortunately, Dr Post suggests specific exercises I could use to become a more giving person.
I have the hardcover edition published by Broadway Books in New York. Whoever edited this book must have been asleep! To start, the cover is upside down relative to the contents. There are literally dozens of word usage errors. It appears the editor did not even read the manuscript but relied only on a spell checker. I have never read a book where I was stopped so often in mid sentence by an incorrect word. For example, one sentence describes people who "meditated" and in the following sentence they are referred to as "mediators". In the overview at the beginning of the book Dr Post indicates there are ten dimensions of giving, but that chapter only previews the last nine dimensions. Fortunately there is a full chapter for each of the ten dimensions.
The research, ideas, and practical application are both thought provoking and motivating. I was annoyed that such great material was so often interrupted with editing and production oversights.

I first became aware of Stephen Post earlier this year because of his affiliations with Sir John Templeton and Dr. Joe Foley, two men I greatly admire and both of whom get some mention in this new book. In the dedication, he refers to them as "beacons of good." Since we share common heroes, I thought I needed to talk to Stephen, which I did in a MeetTheBloggers session on June 14th here in Cleveland; I've done a quick synopsis of the discussion at http://timferris.blogspot.com/2007/06/stephen-post-why-good-things-happen-to.html, and the hour-long podcast itself is at http://www.meetthebloggers.net/2007/07/02/dr-stephen-post-president-institute-for-research-on-unlimited-love/

I'm reading the book now, and I'm doing it slowly because there are many "a-ha" moments on which I need to pause and reflect. I've felt for the past few years that the need to reframe our community dialogue is urgent and critical to our prosperity, and this book gives me hope and encouragement. It also tells me about benefits that accrue to those who help change the way we interact with each other, and I'd never really considered them before. I think the word "transformational" is overused lately, but Stephen Post's work is.