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Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love By Understanding Your Personality Type [Paperback]

Helen Fisher
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)

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Book Description

January 5, 2010

The national bestseller that shows you how a better understanding of who you are will help you find and keep the love you want

Helen Fisher can often tell, almost instantly, the hidden strengths and weaknesses in a relationship that are likely to keep a couple together or pull them apart. The words they choose, their facial structure and body language, even their doodles and where they live give strong clues to their personality type. After three decades of studying romantic relationships, Fisher has discovered that your dominant personality type guides not only who you are but who you love.

Why Him? Why Her? provides a new way to understand relationships, whether you’re searching for one or eager to strengthen the one you have. Beginning with a scientifically developed questionnaire to determine your prevailing personality type, Fisher tells you not only what type of person you might have chemistry with but how to find them, attract them, and keep them. Once you know the personality profile of the partner you’re with—or hope to find—you can use your knowledge of how your types match up to improve your love life.

More than seven million people in forty countries have learned Fisher’s techniques and are using these tools to make and keep lasting romantic connections. Based on proven results, this groundbreaking book goes beyond theory to show that the complex nature of romance isn’t so complicated once you truly understand yourself and others. Provocative and illuminating, Fisher’s book deserves to be read by everyone looking to be loved for who they really are.


Frequently Bought Together

Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love By Understanding Your Personality Type + Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love + Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray
Price for all three: $35.77

Buy the selected items together


Editorial Reviews

Review

"Fascinating…. You may already have your dream lover, but you’ll want to read this for the many insights on the science of love."—The Boston Globe

 

"Why Him? Why Her? examines how brain chemistry determines temperament and temperament dictates whom we love…. [Fisher offers] a giddy, romantic notion, well worth considering."—Los Angeles Times

 

"In times of upheaval, nothing offers safe harbor like science. That’s where Helen Fisher comes in…. Her research led her inside the biological mechanisms of mate choice."—TIME magazine

About the Author

Helen Fisher, PhD, is a research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, and the bestselling author of four previous books, two of which—The First Sex and Anatomy of Love—were New York Times Notable Books. She is Scientific Adviser to Chemistry.com (a division of Match.com) and lives in New York City.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Holt Paperbacks; 1 Reprint edition (January 5, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0805091521
  • ISBN-13: 978-0805091526
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #29,076 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Helen Fisher, Ph.D., is one of this country's most prominent anthropologists. Prior to becoming a research professor at Rutgers University, she was a research associate at Manhattan's American Museum of Natural History. Fisher has conducted extensive research on the evolution, expression, and science of love, and her two most recent books, The First Sex and The Anatomy of Love, were New York Times Notable Books. She lives in New York City.

Customer Reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
(9)
4.1 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating Reading October 16, 2010
By KadyOne
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
As a seasoned online relationship seeker (with mixed results), I decided to take another approach. I believe there is definitely some science as well as art, luck, and good timing, to finding compatibility. Since I always want to know "why," I thoroughly enjoyed this book and recommend to anyone who's serious about developing a relationship that stands a chance of lasting more than a few weeks or months. You may not find what you are looking for, but at least you'll have a much better idea of what you "should" be looking for in the first place!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent & Interesting January 5, 2013
By lbh7xf
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
This was a book selected for a book club I'm part of. I was shocked at how dead on the descriptions were as I read along. I found it to be incredibly accurate and very fascinating. I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys learning about the psychology behind relationships.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Positive and Modern Update on an Ancient Theory December 19, 2012
Format:Paperback
What would happen if, when stressed, rather than adopt the defense mechanism of projecting blame and motives onto others we don't know well, we could see the cards they've been dealt or the four clearly described personality types in this book? Regardless of location, we could spot: EXPLORERS (due to dopamine), BUILDERS (serotonin), DIRECTORS (testosterone) and NEGOTIATORS (estrogen). The author points out that the theory of four types, in one form or another, has been around for quite some time:

sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, melancholic (Galen)
hedone, propraietare, dialogike, ethikos (Aristotle)
artistic, sensible, reasoning, intuitive (Plato)
blood, phlegm, yellow bile, black bile (Hippocrates)
manic, depressive, aggressive, oversensitive (Kretschmer)

Her chapter titles for these types are: Drink Life to the Lees, A Pillar of Society, Always the Stars, The Philosopher King. She is very positive and educational in describing these types and I don't think many people will be turned off by her treatment of them. She includes many nice one liners and quotes as well as a mini autobiography of a famous person for each type.

The second half of the book addresses the question posed as the title of the book. She reports that all types can be very happy with any type and that there are dozens of factors from the "nurture" side that are involved in mate selection but from the "nature" side there appears to be a tendency for Explorers to want to be with other Explorers ("play mates"), for Builders to want to be with other Builders ("help mates"), both reflecting like attracts like and birds of a feather, for Directors to want to be with Negotiators and vice versa reflecting how opposites attract. Perhaps an example of this can be seen from the pairings in the sitcom Big Bang Theory: Howard and Bernadette as two Explorers, Sheldon and Amy as two Builders and Penny and Leonard as a Director/Negotiator couple.

Regarding the match up between two Negotiators, I found this to be interesting, "Negotiators are true idealists, the least realistic of all four types regarding romance, love and marriage. They seek the perfect partner and eternal love. And they refuse to compromise. Some Negotiators would rather live alone for years than settle for anything less than a deeply meaningful relationship. Nevertheless, Negotiators are not generally attracted to each other at first meeting. ... Still, many Negotiator couples find - and keep - what they sought all their lives: a soul mate." page 188

As popular as the enneagram is, I find this approach a little more practical and compassionate.
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