Why I'm Like This: True Stories [Hardcover]

Cynthia Kaplan (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 9, 2002

I wonder if there is any way I can tell this story and have it seem like I did it in the name of those dolphins that get caught in the tuna nets.Meet Cynthia Kaplan, whose debut collection of personal stories is so much fun to read because of her complete and utter willingness to tell the God's honest truth.

And it isn't pretty.

Kaplan takes us on a hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking journey through her unique, uncensored world, from her first bungled romantic encounters (No, really, what was I supposed to do?) to her terrifying tropical honeymoon. From her first, unsung theatrical experiences at summer camp (I opened the script and saw that I had only one line for the entire first half of the play, and that line consisted of one word, wawa) to a starring role in an independent film (Two months after the film screens in New York, my father-in-law passes away...and it is intimated to me more than once that seeing me locked in an erotic embrace with a black woman hastened his decline.).

We also meet Kaplan's family, almost lovingly rendered in her razor-sharp prose: Her gadget-obsessed father; her mother, who, if you should want to know, is Fine; her eccentric Florida grandmother (I want you to have this. And this. One day. When I'm dead.); her New York grandmother, with whom she discovers she shares an innate sense of spite (Seething is something one can reasonably do for a lifetime, if one is so inclined); her fearless husband, whom she engages in an ongoing battle over which of them is the most popular person in their apartment; and finally, her vengeful, power-hungry, one-year-old son.

Kaplan has a wonderfully original voice, almost painfully precise, and yet, it's a lot like the one in our heads, the one that most of us are only willing to listen to late at night, in the dark, maybe locked in a closet. So what a relief it is that someone finally admits that she is afraid of nearly everything under the sun, including moths; that she is jealous even of people whose lives are on the verge of collapse; and that she has, at times, tried to pass for a gentile (I didn't like carrying the burden of two thousand years of persecution around while everyone else looked so fancy free.)

After reading Why I'm Like This, you might just take a good look at your life, (or at the life of a truffle pig, as Kaplan does), and realize that even though it's not perfect, it's yours, and that's something.

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

From her opener--"There was always one girl at camp whom everyone hated"--to her conclusion about the inner lives of truffle pigs, actress-monologist Kaplan consistently amuses while cutting surprisingly deep. Never content to be merely clever, she probes, in these professed "true stories," the reasons why we manage to attach so much importance to self-justification without ever questioning it. Each story presents another element that in one way or another has shifted or reinforced Kaplan's view of people and their relationships. Whether observing the suffering of Alzheimer's, waiting tables, or trying a new therapist, Kaplan usually finds herself in the same place, wondering whether contentment with what one has or the aspiration for something more is the nobler state of mind. In the end, it seems, we are all truffle pigs, lauded for our keen senses of smell but never allowed to keep the ultimate prize for ourselves. Whether that is good or bad remains to be seen. Will Hickman
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review

“When Kaplan is funny, she’s very funny…Well worth reading.” (New Orleans Times-Picayune )

“One of downtown’s coolest actors . . . you’ll laugh until you can’t breathe.” (Time Out New York )

“WHY I’M LIKE THIS is a collection of personal essays that are as funny as they are poignant.” (Paper Magazine )

“Cynthia Kaplan is very funny. These piece are very, very funny.” (Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry and Her )

“Quick–witted, neatly written and unapologetically grandiose…in the spirit of Dorothy Parker…[Kaplan] renders weird and rowdy scenarios with style.” (New York Times Book Review )

“WHY I’M LIKE THIS is an impressive debut and Kaplan has a wonderfully natural comedic style.” (Detroit Free Press )

“Knee-slapping hilarious…Fans of David Sedaris or Anne Lamott will appreciate (Kaplan’s) quirky way of looking at life’s intricacies.” (USA Today )

“Funny, sweet, weirdly life-affirming and painfully true…” (Jerry Stahl, author of PERMANENT MIDNIGHT and PLAINCLOTHES NAKED )

“A fresh voice with a bright future.” (Kirkus Reviews )

“Kaplan consistently amuses while cutting surprisingly deep.” (Booklist )

“This is a charming collection of essays in the spirit of David Sedaris…” (John Searles, The Early Show on CBS )

“Cynthia Kaplan’s gift is her ability to take on life’s absurdities and come out a winner.” (Debra Ginsberg, author of WAITING and RAISING BLAZE )

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 212 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow (July 9, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0688178502
• ISBN-13: 978-0688178505
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (57 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,957,697 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I hope Cynthia Kaplan is writing another book, February 26, 2006

By 

Ann Douglas "pregnancy/parenting author" (Peterborough, Ontario Canada) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: why I'm like this: True Stories (Paperback)

When I was about three essays into reading WHY I'M LIKE THIS, I logged on to Amazon.com to see if I could order something else that Cynthia Kaplan had written. I was enjoying WHY I'M LIKE THIS that much. I was surprised to find so many negative or lukewarm reviews about the book at that time. As I continued to read the book, I kept waiting for the essay collection to go downhill, as the reviews had led me to believe it would, but that never happened. The essays in the collection were all winners, in my opinion.

So why was I so dazzled by this little-talked-about book? I was impressed by Kaplan's hilarious style and her ability -- and willingness -- to put herself and her family under the microscope in order to make some very honest observations about life. When she puts motherhood under the microscope, she is particularly frank. I found her essays on this subject to be some of the most honest and perceptive I've come across anywhere.

I highly recommend this collection of essays to anyone who enjoys reading writing that is genuinely funny, entertaining, and honest -- as opposed to writing that seeks to impress with its cleverness. I hope this is simply the first of many books to come from this perceptive and entertaining author.

26 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars This book is a hoot!, July 24, 2003

By 

Catherine S. Vodrey (East Liverpool, Ohio United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Why I'm Like This: True Stories (Hardcover)

Cynthia Kaplan's "Why I'm Like This" alternates hilarity (experiences at all-girl camp, being a waitress) with life's more sober times (putting her grandmother in a nursing home, having difficulty getting pregnant). Because of the mood swings (for lack of a better phrase) the book undergoes, it's sometimes a bumpy and uneven ride--but whether she's being serious or poking a proverbial elbow in your ribs, Kaplan is a talented writer who's fun to read. Some gems from the book:

One of the many pitfalls of working in a restaurant is that eventually you will wait on your peers. Or people who had been your peers before they became successful bankers and you became a waiter. First, there will be the requisite "Hi!" "Hi!" "How are you!?" "What are you doing?!" (What am I DOING? I think it's pretty clear: Good evening, my parents spent fifty thousand dollars on my education, would you like some more bread?) After the initial pleasantries are dispensed with, you will embarrass everyone with "Let me tell you about our specials."

* * *

On one of the last true blue days of August, when the oppressive midsummer haze had been blown away by some zippy cumulus clouds, opportunity knocked once more. At the counselors' pool party, [my crush] Jamie Karlin asked me to rub sunblock onto his back. He had the most unbelievable, fair, freckly skin. Had I this moment to live again, I would have offered to apply the sunblock later, in private, with my tongue.

* * *

Writing about her father's love of gadgets:

He was one of the first people to have a phone in his car. This was the late 1960s, decades before cellular technology, and it was essentially like having a shortwave radio in your car . . . At stoplights, my brother and I used to open the window, hold out the receiver to the driver of the car next to us, say, "It's for you," and collapse in hysterics.

* * *

Kaplan covers so many different topics I can't begin to cover them all here, but every baby boomer woman I know who grew up in the 1960s and 1970s will love this book. I even had a bathing suit like the one in which Kaplan appears on the cover--kindred spirits in more ways than one!

12 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars My favorite book of the year, July 22, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Why I'm Like This: True Stories (Hardcover)

The review in New York Times Book Review, page 5 (or so) piqued my interest. Got a copy and read an essay or two right away. Read another over a bowl of cheerios before going to bed.

She's just a funny woman who tells a great and warm story. I've read them all now and find myself cracking up during the day, thinking about her stylish grandmother or her liitle penny pooper. I wish I could hear her take on my family.