Customer Reviews

Why Men Are the Way They Are

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4 star:		(3)
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1 star:		(4)

 

 

This is the 4th or 5th time I've had to order this book. I have loaned it out so many times, that I no longer purchase just one.

My husband and I read it when it first came out - and were both astonished. I'm still astonished that something so politically incorrect could have become a best-seller. Yet when I read it, I knew intuitively that Farrell was right; reverse sexism is rampant -and it's true - one can make a joke about a white male that would be considered racist, sexist,etc. were it made about anyone else. It's everywhere.

I loved the way Farrell illustrated his points - following advertising, television, popular reading. He pointed out how women have learned to demand more and more, while men are still baffled about what they thought women wanted in the first place.The tragedy is that women really believe that they MUST have a sensitive, caring man....who is also an Alpha male! The impossibility of meeting such contradictory demands confuses men AND women who do not see that their "needs" are really "wants" and are incredibly unrealistic - which sets them up for disappointment and pain in relationships.

I'm a therapist, and this book is required reading for anyone in couples counseling. I have also recommended it to countless newly divorced men still reeling with the injustice of it all. In addition, women often find the book freeing - for it gives them permission to love and accept their human husbands - and to re-examine their own often skewed values.

Nice job, Farrell - and you did it without mentioning drumming even once. Thanks.

Connie Brennen

An absolute must read, for both sexes: things you always suspected were true, but never, ever dared say out loud. Sanity in printed form. I have given 30 or so copies of this book to friends, and all have said it made blindingly clear the basic assumptions underlying what men and women do to each other. It WILL cure your love life. I have found that the book helps me see what is going on in social and business situations in a way so straightfoward and enlightening that I sometimes break out laughing from sheer astonishment. Best of all, the machinations of both female and male enforcers of certain societal obligations will seem just quaint. AND IT HAS CARTOONS!

Years ago, as a "male feminist," I was a contributing editor of a feminist newsletter. I wrote often about the oppressions of women. Then one day while in the throes of researching why women were paid (then) just 59 cents to men's dollar, I came across Warren Farrell's "Why Men Are the Way They Are." I could not put the book down. It was jarring. It turned upside down everything I'd learned about the sexes. Most jarring was that for the first time in my life I felt understood as a man. And I now truly understood women. I went from hating my own sex and trying to be women's savior, to caring deeply for both men and women. That's the power of understanding that this book creates. It's sad that ideological feminists still denounce and plot against it.

This book, along with Farrell's companion 'The Myth of Male Power' is a revelation for any man who has not yet come to understand how the mating world works. I had already read a fair bit of this sort of thing (search the Net for the words Cash, Clothes, Confidence, Car, Castle, Credit, not as a phrase but include all six of the words), so I was not completely bowled over. But if you are new to this, wow. Eye-opening. Unfortunately, you will not improve your situation by discussing these insights, most especially with women. Farrell's courageous works (what middle-aged and older men know but have learned not to discuss) sold relatively well when published but the ideas have already faded from view for the most part. Feminists and politicians don't want to hear this sort of thing. If you're a man under thirty, you need to read this for self-protection if nothing else. If you're a woman, this book will help you to understand why the bachelor sector of Western nations is continually growing, and why those "commitmentphobes" are the way they are.

Farrell, a former NOW director, has taken a critical eye towards societal, cultural, and biological (in that order) factors in how male-female relationships are played out. This book is not just a backlash or knee-jerk reaction to mainline feminism: after all, the author worked for NOW. He synthesizes data from the hundreds of men-only, women-only, and couples groups that he has organized, and material from the media (magazines, books, movies, TV), and comes to some stark conclusions. Shocking though they might be, they are well reasoned, and examples abound.

The book is a bit old, but I venture to guess that not much has changed. In fact, I'm almost certain even with just a cursory survey of magazines, books, newspapers, and movies.

ALL men and women who are frustrated with why relationships (romantic or otherwise) are so rarely satisfying should read this. Even those that are in satisfying relationships should read this to understand a little more how society and culture pressures both men and women into mutually destructive roles.

This is an insightful, excellent book. The comments about the outdated examples it uses (movie Flashdance) are not not relevant, since the idea is totally in line with current times. In fact, the media is even more sexist today and the fact that all girls want to be models now is a fact that reinforces the ideas of the book about the use of beauty by girls to have power.
Teenager boys in particular are in a position where they suffer a lot, since 13 year-old girls are now the idolization of beauty and of what is desirable in our culture. Teenage boys, on the other hand, are labeled as insensitive little jerks on the making. They don't have the power girls have and grow up confused and afraid. Sometimes they turn to be jerks because that's the only defense they have.
I want my boy to grow up as a sensitive, strong young man, but for this to happen he must understand the dynamics of boys-girls interactions and its traps. I will tell him to be sensitive to the power of beauty some girls have, and to focus on his qualities and his life until he finds a girl who loves him by who he is and not because he performs well and will make her life easier. Of course, another important thing is to tell him to look beyond beauty when relating to a girl.
Great, great book. Indispensable.

I used to complain that men wouldn't open up. Now I can't get them to shut up. I'm kidding of course, I love it that men feel comfortable enough to confide in me. I can't count the number of times men have said,"I feel very comfortable talking to you." It wasn't always this way though. Men's behavior used to baffle me. I'm not saying that I completely understand men now, but this book has given me priceless insight. Because of it, relationships with the men in my life are a hundred times closer. Believe it or not, they often tell me what's bothering them. They listen to me more than ever before. Although I do still get into arguments with men, the battle goes much smoother and is usually resolved. Men feel close to someone when they feel understood. The key to understanding men is reading this book. It has impacted my outlook on the world more than almost any other book (paralleled only by "The Myth of Male Power").

I first read this book a dozen years ago (at about age 30), have a thoroughly marked-up and re-read copy, and can say that it articulated so many obvious truths about male-female dynamics which weren't part of the general cultural discussion then (or now) that it was the sort of total revelation that other reviewers write about here much more eloquently than I can. I had previously believed that I was light-years away from being the typical male (choose your term: jerk, loser, etc.), but gained valuable insights from the book into how the typical female regards men and why my inner qualities were irrelevant or seemed to work opposite to the way I'd expected based on listening to what women say -- which solved a major puzzle. The strength of this book is that it's based on observations of everday behavior and what people do, rather than what they say.

While many of the examples (Michael Jackson, the movie Flashdance, etc.) are a bit dated at this point, Farrell's observations were years ahead of even the radical evolutionary psychologists in coming around to the view that men, and male behavior generally, are basically the result of a breeding experiment run by women, not men. This is a liberating data-point for men, who have been alternately shamed, chided, and pitied by women unrelentingly for about two decades now.

While much of the men's movement has progressed to more of a focus on political issues (divorce and child custody in particular), and Farrell's subsequent "The Myth of Male Power" is a stronger refutation of the widespread allegations of rampant male privilege (read it next), "Why Men Are The Way They Are" is still about the best book written from a male-friendly perspective on courtship and basic relationship issues, exploding many myths about men and women, which can only be a good thing.

This is an important book for both men and women to read. For men, it can help them to better understand who they are. For women, it will provide a way to better understand the men in their lives. Why men are the way they are provides coverage of important topics. It deals with why men act the way they do like thier preocuption with success and sex. In the last part of the book, reweaving masculanity, Farrell provides ways to better understand masculanity for both men and women. It shows some of the postive traits of masculanity as well as how to deal with men. In the part new sexism, Farrell provies a good account of how male bashing has come the topic of humor but female bashing has become sexist and why both are wrong.

Overall, it's a good for both genders to help each other.

I was first introduced to Warren Farrell when he was a featured speaker at a Tony Robbins NLP Certification seminar in 1989. The bulk of his presentation then is in this book which I think was just as powerful as John Gray's Mars-Venus material. Why Men Are the Way They Are is because Women Are the Way They Are which is the result of cultural conditioning by advertising and tradition. His examples are truly excellent and this book was one of my foundational resource..., but to those who seek innovative works in the relationship genre this is a classic gem.