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Why Men Fear Marriage: The Surprising Truth Behind Why So Many Men Can't Commit Hardcover – July 28, 2009

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Attempting to replicate the success of Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, this dubious self-help from novelist Johnson (The Million Dollar Divorce) might as well be called Act like a Doormat, Think Like a Cavewoman. Johnson derives numerous dos and don'ts from retread stereotypes regarding men's notorious fear of commitment and tendency to wander, pinning the blame on a vague sense of helplessness and the legacy of deadbeat dads. As if pandering to women's worst suspicions weren't enough, Johnson advises them to by all means pander to his hurtful behavior, double standards and childish demands: "never deny your boyfriend of... sex. Men simply think there is just no reason to do that." He also addresses heavier women, discussing whether a woman who hasn't lost all her pregnancy weight is worthy of sex, and emphasizes the importance of keeping house and cooking. Chapter nine, "Ten Steps to Make Him Ask 'Will You Marry Me?'" is comparatively more helpful, and could have made a decent pamphlet-the full-length treatment only serves to clarify why Johnson, at 40, is still single.
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About the Author

R.M. Johnson is the author of nine novels, including bestsellers The Harris Family and The Million Dollar Divorce. He holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Chicago State University. He currently lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

Karen Hunter is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, a celebrated radio talk-show host, and co-author of numerous New York Times bestsellers, including Confessions of a Video Vixen, On the Down Low, and Wendy's Got the Heat. She is also an assistant professor in the Film & Media Department at Hunter College

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Gallery Books/Karen Hunter Publishing; First Edition edition (July 28, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1439101493
  • ISBN-13: 978-1439101490
  • Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.3 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,027,900 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Judith Harding Janone on August 12, 2009
Format: Hardcover
A year or so ago the relationship book, "He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt was on the circuit. It became a movie and was seen as gospel for people in relationships. The event was also said to be a comedy so not to worry if you saw yourself or your significant other sacked out on the couch in the middle of your conversation, or more likely, sneaking out to visit the other significant other. It was all in fun. "Why Men fear Marriage" is a more seriously informed relationship book, so well put together I sped through it like a speed dating contestant at the local bar. The is a juicy insiders look at the operations of today's single male. A Glamour/Cosmo take between bookends. All the more to enjoy. Johnson's material is realistic and delivered with compassion. If you are in a relationships recognizable on his pages, Johnson won't make you feel like a dating dud, rather, his honest portraits of "manly" behavior in this arena are comforting because they are helpful. Concluding, Johnson says, marry and limit sexual options, remain single with many sexual options, but become lonely.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Cydney Rax on July 24, 2009
Format: Hardcover
In most cases, when a man writes an advice book regarding male/female relationships, the author uncovers truths in which many women aren't aware. After all, who knows the male mind better than a male? With WHY MEN FEAR MARRIAGE, R.M. Johnson definitely continues the trend of unveiling critical knowledge about why some men do what they do. The material he presents covers a wide range of topics, from how men feel about women's night out (they don't like it), to the differences between why women cheat (it's unforgivable), and why men cheat. He says that men can cheat without growing emotionally attached to their co-cheater, and that's why a woman should forgive her man (OMG).

One refreshing aspect, and there are many, is how the author isn't afraid to tell women what men are afraid of. This is important. We assume men are fearless, but it's good to know that isn't true. Johnson provides many tips that women will enjoy learning even if we don't understand them all. This book is recommended for all women who've ever wondered why her guy hasn't proposed. And even if you're a woman who doesn't care about getting a man to pop the question, you will still learn something valuable about men from Johnson's book.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Mel Hopkins on September 12, 2009
Format: Hardcover
"Why Men Fear Marriage" is RM Johnson's first offering in the nonfiction genre on how to engage in a relationship with your heart first, mind second. Johnson offers a 10-step solution to help women build a sense of intimacy with their men in hopes that it could ease their fears about marriage in the long term. Note: "Why Men Fear Marriage" isn't subtitled "strategy and tactics" for a reason. There isn't a list of rules best suited for the game "Survivor" where couples "outwit, outplay, outlast" each other. Instead, Johnson is having a conversation with women, much like a father would have with his daughter or brother with his sister. In this age, where some couples are fighting for the right to legally marry, "Why Men Fear Marriage" is the conversation starter that time has come, and at last.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers on February 21, 2010
Format: Hardcover
RM Johnson has written a very candid relationship book clearly intended for middle-aged women with children on how to spot, the at times elusive, marriage-minded man. WHY MEN FEAR MARRIAGE also gives advice on how to spot a man who will never marry you, or one who may just be using you as his transition until he finds the woman of his dreams. Mr. Johnson identifies the types of men who may or may not "put a ring on it". Nothing in the book was as surprising as the title suggests; however, I do believe many women will want to hear this message again.

Johnson's tone definitely takes on a "tough love" pitch as he describes how he feels men view women and marriage. This book would be helpful to those tired of going around the relationship circle, or for those in the midst of a break-up. More than just relationship advice, or even answering the question "Why men fear marriage?", this book attempts to rectify pitfalls of the dating game by encouraging parent(s) to raise young boys into becoming men who value and appreciate marriage.

As a woman, I'll admit that it was hard to hear some of Johnson's descriptions of men's perceptions, but the intentions of the book aren't to tell women what they want to hear. Read this book when you need to reaffirm what you already know to be true about men and relationships.

Reviewed by Christina Lenear
for The RAWSISTAZ(tm) Reviewers
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By David on July 30, 2012
Format: Paperback
Most people seek out only what they want to hear. American women nowadays tend to apply Romance novel experience to relationships. They demand a prince, they don't have a lot of persistence, and they use unrealistic comparables. Women do not look at themselves through the eyes of a prospective mate. This book is candid, and somewhat velvet-gloved. I would have gone further. For a man, contemplating marriage is kind of like contemplating crossing a minefield, with a 45% chance of a blowup, that will wipe him out financially, and at best a 10% chance of getting a good wife. Those odds would put fear into anybody capable of thinking. Can one trust American women? More and more American men won't. What did that comedian, Jimmy Fallon, say, he wasn't going to get married again, he was just going to find a woman he hated, and give her a house and half his income for the rest of his life? Marriage is becoming a worse and worse deal, for men. They have the sword of Damocles, over their heads, of a divorce that would destroy their economic future. I hear women in their 40's, on up, looking for that soulmate. They don't want to do the work of getting ready, usually, they figure the man will just love her as she is, with all of her problems, and usually the extra weight. The author does note that men don't want to marry a woman with a male child, because he will challenge them, sooner or later, and the man doesn't really want to be carted off in handcuffs, because he slugged the kid, because the kid threw his watch in the toilet, and said, "What are you gonna do about it?", or brought weed or other illegal drugs in the house, and the mother refuses to see it as a problem. He doesn't say that a female child can accuse him of anything, he has no defense, and...Read more ›
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